HD Baby!

September 9, 2008

My love for all things HD is well known. However, there is still waay too many aspects of my everyday life, that aren’t found in HD. First, is Hurricane coverage. maybe it’s my shitty Time Warner, but none of the hardcore Hurricane networks, are broadcasting in HD. I realize a lot of peoples lives are being ruined by these things, but I can’t help but tune in. If it’s so bad, why are we sending our nations greatest natural resources like, Geraldo Rivera, and Anderson Cooper? These guys are almost as important as our reality TV stars. Would we send them into harms way if it wasn’t important? Of course not. Then the only reason I can think of, that we would send such great Americans into the mouth of a huge storm, is because people will watch. I am people. In fact, I think I watch enough Hurricane coverage to qualify as 9 people. I gotta admit, I usually root for the hurricane. I get all pissed off when I hear phrases like, “minimal damage” or “Dying winds”, or “minimal storm surge”, or “no looting expected”. I know it sounds bad, but, it’s true. These things make for must-see t.v. (used lower case letters to avoid GE lawsuit). I do feel bad for the people who’s lives got shit on by all this, I really do. I also have seen the shows on Discovery, and National geographic, about how we kinda ignored the fact that these things happen, often. We build shit right on the coast, we remove natural barriers, such as dunes, and forests. We build shit below sea level, then act like it’s a huge surprise when stuff gets flooded. Walking out to get the paper, and realizing your house was egged, is a surprise. Walking in on your spouse doing it with a midget, a surprise. Those dudes who got rocked by that Tsunami, that was a surprise. Building a condo on the beach in hurricane alley, or building a city below sea level, and in between a river, and a lake, defended by levees built by the lowest bidder, those are shitty ideas, not surprises. When you live, beneath the ocean, and a lake, and one day it finally falls on you, that’s just proving basic theories of physics, not a surprise. Let the record show, I feel bad for anybody who’s life is torn apart by natural disasters, I really do. I just wish for two things. One, the same level of support, and donations, is thrown my way when my house made of McRib boxes gets blown all to hell. The second, to just show this shit in HD. I may root for the storm, but I’m not directly rooting for it to kill anyone, or ruin their home. I just want to see the roof of a pay by the hour motel get blown away in HD. I want to see Jim Cantore dodge airborne produce, or a billboard for hooters get destroyed, in High Def. Thats all. I’m gonna be watching anyways. Is it too much to ask.

My old LCD t.v., that I moved from the basement to my bedroom, is the greatest t.v. of all time. Not only is it the most user friendly gadget ever, it picks up shit in HD all on it’s own. As of now, we just have a basic cable wire plugged into the back of it. It still nabs HD channels, all on it’s own. If I could give it a raise, or buy it a lap dance I would. It may not get ESPN, or HBO, in HD, but it gets the job done. It gets HD reception on crazy channels. All the network feed, and a handfull of cable channels are on for instance 4.1, 8.1, 10.2, or 34.1 . Sometimes I get bored, and just keep scrolling up, long after the signals have stopped, in search of more free stuff, one decimal at a time. The other night, on channel 74.6, I found Travel Channel HD. It may suck, but it’s free, and in HD. I don’t even get that on the HD package I pay for. The crown jewel of the free HD, is PBS HD. Growing up, I only got at most 6 channels, depending on whether or not our antanae would pull down the Ghetto cartoon channel from detroit. We had what was called a Wha-Wha box. You turned a dial, and the antanae on your roof would slowly turn, whilst making the Wha-Wha! noise. One channel we always got was PBS out of Bowling Green Ohio. It sucked bad, and no kid would ever watch it. Now though, I can’t get enough. NOVA in HD is sweet, but I have to say, I cross my fingers every night, hoping that Antiques Roadshow is on in HD. This may be the best show ever, next to the original  airings of the Dukes of Hazard, or that show ‘V’ that was on NBC for a while. All these bastards bring old stuff to these flea markets, and some of them have cool shit. They highlight only the best stuff, and usually it’s worth a lot of money. The hosts, always know exactly what it is, where it came from, and how much it’s worth. Sometimes the stuff is pretty cool. They always say stuff like, “this is a lynchin’ torch from the 1870’s, It’s worth $22,000.00 at auction” and the fat hillbilly who owns it, is thrilled, but would never sell it. The best parts are when they show people who waited in line for hours, surrounded by buttholes carrying junk, only to find out their stuff is worthless. This is usually reserved for right before they go to break, it keeps me tuned-in. The other great part, is when the junk is worth a boatload. You see fat bastards, who likely drove 6 hours in a 1992 conversion van with 9 other family members carrying crap, only to find out their 200 year old rug is worth tens of thousands. They always say stuff like “Oh that’s great, but I could never sell this” when 95% of their financial resources are in the fanny pack they are wearing, with their diabetes medicine inside, and they have no 401k, but it’s nice to see people happy. It’s even nicer to see them happy in HD. I emplore everyone to tune in to PBS HD, not just for antiques roadshow, but for all of their fine HD programming. Don’t donate anything though. Those hippies will blow it all on pot, and Che Guevara T-shirts.