Is Beanie Gellin’?

September 10, 2008

With all the hoopla surrounding Chris Wells’ big toe/ball of the foot, one thing pops into my mind. “Is he gellin’? If not. Why not? The whole fate of buckeye nation could be resting on that foot. Wouldn’t it be in everyones best interest if he was gellin’, like those guys in the commercials? According to T.V. which never lies, anyone who uses Dr. Scholl’s gel in-soles, has amazing results. It’s like the fountain of youth, a winning lottery ticket, viagra, and that Jessica Simpson Acne medicine, all in one. It makes everyones life better. I’m not saying Beanie Wells needs to be acting like an airplane glue sniffing homo, like the guys in the commercials, but the in-soles may help him run. The guys who wear them in the commercials, always have an amazing ear-to-ear grin. No matter how bad the situation, they’re always smiling, and they attribute it to the gellin’. Whether it be a car crash, or a wedding, the gel helps them get through a shitty situation. I think the Gel will help the buckeyes. I just hope the OSU coaches are as smart as I am. I think they fly out tomorow, I may run down to campus and drop of a bunch of Dr. Scholls Gel In-soles to the team, before they leave. I think they’d like that. Beanie looks like a size 13 to me. If I can get him gellin’ it’s a guaranteed victory for Ohio State, so I may have to bet the farm on this one.

According to reports, Vince young may be going insane. He may be about to kill himself. Apparently he left his home in distress, and his family had to contact the Tennessee Titans, who had to contact the police, who had to hunt him down. They now say, all is fine with vinnie, he was just having a bad week, after still not being able to throw a football, and getting hurt. His home town fans booed him, which would make anyone cry. All this could be just dandy, for Buckeye nation, as our golden boy Terrell Pryor, is always compared to none other, than Vince Young. Really I don’t care if Terrell can run as fast as Vince, dodge, or break tackles like him, or even if he can throw as bad a him. All I care about, is that he can one day, in the near future, have a public breakdown like vinnie young. Buckeye fans need more than a bunch of dissapointment. Ever since Maurice Clarrett got sent to prison, life has gotten dull. Sure we have promising years, get our hope up, and our hearts ripped out, but we need more. Having Terrell Pryor bust out the Grey Goose, and the body armour, could change all that. A public breakdown, on the streets of columbus, is all we need. No matter how bad the rest of the season gets, our children are our future. Watching them implode right in front of our eyes makes up for everything.


Where Did We Go Wrong?

September 8, 2008

This past weekend was supposed to be a fine display, of Ohio Football power. A return to the field for our Pro Teams, and one last tune up before the big dance for my fair Buckeyes. This was supposed to be a beautiful early fall weekend, and it turned into a disaster. The Buckeyes struggled their way into mediocrity, and our Pro teams, flat-out sucked.

Ohio State, may be the only undefeated team in history, to drop down the polls, in consecutive weeks. Part of this may be, that the Polls are retarded, especially in the pre-season, and before week four. Either way, the Buckeyes image across the nation, took one more hit this weekend, when mighty Ohio Bobcats came to town. This was supposed to be a breeze. A tune up for USC. A chance to get some back-ups, and freshman some playing time. A chance to iron out a few kinks before the game the whole sport has been waiting for, the past 8 months. Instead, we pretty much just sucked. Every aspect of the game, turned on the Buckeyes. One can argue, about looking past them for the trojans, one can say they were emotionally flat, or that they missed Beanie Wells. Blah, blah, blah. Buckeye Nation may just need to come to grips with the fact that we might just suck. I had already started the process of acceptng the fact that we were going to lose to OU. I tried to remember which Michigan fans I was especially harsh towards after the App. State thing. I was even ready to hang my hat on the Bengals. Thankfully, it was all for nothing, as the Bucks pulled it out, and hung on for the win. This much is true. If they play like that this week, it’s gonna be over by halftime. USC, as usual, is vastly over-rated. Each year, they attain, a larger than life status, are said to be better than some NFL teams, and are gaurunteed to win it all. Every year but one, has proven this talk wrong, but they are still great, and have to be taken seriously. They might just be a little better than Ohio University, who knows. Maybe Jim Tressell’s plan to make everyone think that you actually suck, will work.

As for the Ohio NFL clubs. They could be in a season long battle for the rights to Bill Cowher. The Browns, as I predicted in my Eliminator League, went down hard to Dallas. The Bengals, have made a bold statement, that they have plans on the #1 overall pick. A team that has no Defense, and was planning on scraping by on offense alone, now has no offense. My prediction of four wins, was based on a win over the happless ravens yesterday. Now we’re gonna have to scrap one out somewhere else. The good news is, we sucked equally at running and passing. I figure to just get back to the level they were at in 2005, the Bengals will need at least 4 lineman, a running back, a fullback, a third receiver, and if Palmer keeps getting kicke around like he did this week, a new QB. Defensively, we may luck out, and only need 9 new players. Who knows, maybe Mike Brown didn’t like the taste of moderate success. Maybe the new plan, is the old plan. Win a few games each year, make money, and be happy. All I know is this, that team that was on the field sunday got the shit kicked out of them by a would-be last place team, and it wasn’t even close. The coaching staff appears to be dumber than they were last year, and the worthless line, is even worse. The Bengals need to just play it safe from here on out. Start Wooing Bill Cowher now. Try to get him to like skyline, and Montgomery Inn. Then, once he is locked up, put all our resources and efforts, into keeping Chris “Beanie” Wells healthy. If he goes down, I have no idea who we’ll take with that #1 overall pick.

All Is Wells

September 2, 2008

I’m surprised the collective sigh of reielf, from Buckeye nation, didn’t blow Gustav back into the ocean. If anyone has watched ESPN for more than 20 seconds, our star running back, has some health questions. Apparently, he’s going to be O.k., and my Trojan Horse theory, is starting to hold water. I was lucky enought to stop home today for lunch, and decided to catch some sportscenter. About 15 minutes in, they hastilly cut out of regular programming, in the middle of a segment about baseball, to give live feed of the Jim Tressell weekly media luncheon. Apparently nobody at ESPN has ever watched our fair coach tressel speak. They seemed to think he was going to burst through the curtains, and let us all know exactly what was wrong with Beanie Wells, how long he would be out, and how he was going to approach the USC game. Poor, poor ESPN. They skipped through at least two commercial breaks, neglected countless highlights from people who actually played yesterday, all in waiting for what most knew, was not coming. Tressell is called the Senator, for a reason. He could be asked about which he prefers, Beer, or wine. he could talk for an hour, telling the benefits, and downfalls of each, without ever saying “beer”, or “wine”, or answering the question. I sat and laughed, as a national audience got to see live coverage of Tressell reading off the film grades of the offensive lineman, the winner of the ‘Jack tatum hit of the game’ award, the scout team player of the week, the return game player of the week, the defensive player of the week, and the pursuit game player of the week. Tressell spent more time reviewing the lone OSU kick return, than the actual play itself. Not expecting this to go on much longer, ESPN stuck with Tressell, as he began his tales of how Ohio University is a strong, veteran team. He warned us all of their dual-threat QB, and the wide variety of looks, and formations their offense will use. After about 18 minutes, and midway through a review of the Ohio University defensive coaching staffs background, The Worldwide Leader in Sports, finally had enough. They gave up, resumed programming as usaul, and tried to make up for their lost commercial time. Tressel had defeated the beast. He did not give in to the over zealous media scrutiny pointed at one kids big toe. Another ten or so minutes later, the question and answer session resumed on the local radio broadcast, and the first question, was as expected, about Wells’ foot. In true tressell fashion, he gave a long, confusing, semi-detailed explanation. From what I took from it, Wells is either faster than ever, and ready to play, or his leg will be amputated just below the knee.

I have a fantasy baseball team, that I check every 4 months. I realy don’t care, I just like to harbor players, and turn down trade offers, just to piss people off. I consider myself a pretty big baseball fan, but there’s always been a few things I could never figure out. First, on the channel guide, and previews, why does it say MLB Baseball? Isn’t major league baseball baseball a little redundant? Can’t it just say MLB, and for those who don’t know, can’t they just figure out what it is by watching it? I’m sure nobody is going to confuse MLB baseball with NHL baseball. RBI’s really piss me off also. RBI, or Runs Batted In, is a stat, that is rewarded to a batter when a run scores during their at-bat. If more than one run scores, or if a guy is having a nice season like Josh Hamilton they get RBI’s. Or, as I see it Run’s Batted In’s. Shouldn’t this be R’sBI? It’s not that hard to say. I say everyone start to say it as R’sBI, and we can all live happy lives.