My name is Chris, I am a moderately perverted Ohioan in his late twenties, who enjoys life in all forms, beer, sports, watching stupid people negotiate everday life, and spending time with friends and family. In the next couple of months, my wife and I will become first time parents. We’re not sure what the make or model of the baby will be yet, but with extensive research I’ve narrowed it down to either male or female. My dreams include raising a great family, and several future lottery winners, traveling to Africa, and being attacked by something when I get there, and watching the Bengals, Buckeyes and Reds win another title. Heavy emphasis on the Buckeyes beating an SEC school for the title. They are all godless bastards (SEC folk), who would no doubt date rape a close relative given the chance. I have no doubt that god has given them back to back wins over OSU out of pity; I’ve been to Florida and seen the people who live there, trust me a couple of sports championships over the Bucks won’t help you vote properly, or add value to your trailer, so fuck off. P.S. shitting in the tampa area hot tub was on the house last time, next one ya gots to pay for.  I also enjoy cooking, and the food network.  I’ve recently added Paula Deen back to my list of famous people I’m allowed to have sex with. Not that there is any kind of attraction, just that it will make a highly entertaining story. I am happy to announce OSU CB Malcom Jenkins has decided to return for his senior year.  Good luck Malcom, we’ll need ya if we are gonna win it all.

My fears include all types of birds, E.T. and my penis having an un-obstructed path to a running microwave. I did recently overcome my fear of birds, when I carried a live pheasant. I was quite worried, but did O.K. Eventually I named the bird Hector, and we became friends. Moments later I shot his punk ass, since that was the whole point, and I don’t like birds. I recently quit dipping, after several years, and have gone a whole week without the stuff, so naturally I am afriad of the dentist. My wife and I have a year old Labrador/German Shepherd mix, and I am afraid to leave him alone as he is a bastard.

In this blog I hope to alienate anyone closely associated with me, poke fun at people who take themselves or their life too seriously, and convince everyone why Ohio is the greatest place on earth. Maybe I’ll keep some friends up to date on my life, maybe I’ll make some stuff up, and get sued, only time will tell. Feel free to add some kickass comments, check out the pics, or just kill time at work, as that is how this blog was born. This is the type of stuff we’ll cover here. If you have high morales, or no sense of humor, well it sucks to be you.

One Response to “About Me”

  1. Marla said

    My dear dear cousin Chris,
    I hate to tell you but your son is not going to make it to the NBA. It’s obvious why, he’s white and short. No worries though I have the perfect sport for both you and him, are you ready… surfing!
    No, don’t judge. As you found out this past summer surfing is hard. Hard as hell in fact. But it is the perfect sport, why you may ask, I will tell you. It’s an individual sport, no team building involved. It’s only done at the beach which happens to be a very nice warm place to be. Chicks dig surfers so there are always many, mostly naked girls around. Since you live in Ohio you will have to home school just to be able to travel to surf. Best of all, it is actually a bonus to be short, something about center of balance or something.
    So my next trip is in February to New Smyrna Beach Florida. You and Dylan are welcome to come and give it a shot. It would be helpful if he can stand up by then so start working on that. Oh, and tell your dad he needs to figure out how to make waves in the pond so Dylan can practice.

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