Save Us Al Gore!

December 31, 2010

If you are even remotely a fan of Hockey, these are dire times for you.
Every year now for the last several years, the NHL has showcased a big rivalry game outdoors, in either a MLB, or NFL stadium, in what they call, The Winter Classic.
Recently, they’ve gone the circuit of all the historic Baseball venues.
Wrigley, Fenway etc.
College Hockey has gotten involved with games at Camp Randal Stadium, and the Big House in Ann Arbor.
This years, Winter Classic matchup features the Pittsburgh Penguins hosting the Washington Capitals at Heinz Field, home of the Steelers.
It’s a showdown between the leagues two biggest offensive stars. The Penguins, are the best team this season, and the Capitals despite a nearly month long shit-streak are no slouch either.
However, this years game faces a whole new problem compared to the issues facing the NHL’s showcase game in years past, which are (still not that many people watch NHL Hockey, it’s only advertised on NBC, which nobody watches, it competes with arguably the biggest day in sports, the Bowl games on new Years day etc. etc.)
This year, the NHL Winter Classic faces the biggest threat since Manbearpig.
Global Warming.
Or Global Climate Change depending on what day it is.
So a game, that should be awesome, that most people will either not know about, not care about, or will fall 4th fiddle to various Bowl games, is going to be played outside, in Live on National t.v. on ice, and what is the forecast for Pittsburgh on New Years day?
54 degrees, with an 80 percent chance of rain when the puck drops.
The good news is, factor in a little bit of wind, and the cold assed rain, it will feel like 42.
The NHL has something great here, even though they find a way to screw it up, and the one thing they can’t control may be the death blow to the winter classic.
The weather.
Now, there is a cooling mechanism under the rink, so they will have ice. However, at 54 degrees, and raining, it will be a type of ice that makes the Ice in Tampa look like a frozen pond in Nome in February.
So does the game get cancelled, postponed what?
The NHL runs tight schedules, and the Steelers should be hosting a playoff game, so now what.
Do they play in the slush?
The only answer I have is that the NHL is cursed, either for allowing morons to run the league, or maybe God wants to see a game played in a puddle.
It would be pretty cool to see someone hold Sidney Crosby’s face under water during a scrum for the puck.
Would attempting to drown an opponent be considered a major, or just interference?
HBO has been showcasing this game with their 24/7 series, which is awesome, and would be awesome even if they did it for Mens Tennis.
Now, the series is set to air it’s final episode next week, after the game, showing the final week leading to the game.
Is there anyway HBO can do a fifth episode that shows everything you can’t see on NBC from this game.
Wet Hockey players sliding through slush, getting sick, or even the team jokester floating a Baby Ruth across the Goalie Crease to distract the other teams goalie, just to name a few.
I’ve been looking forward to this one for a long time, and now it may never be.
Help us Al Gore, you’re our only hope.
Do something to stop the Global Warming, even for just one day, in one city.
Otherwise, considering the lack of brainpower running the NHL, this could be the final straw that kills Hockey.
If it gets any worse, we may not even be able to get games on Versus.

All In

December 31, 2010

I’m just now catching Bowl mania, and most of the shitty Bowls that I always watch, have already come and gone.
That’s okay, cause the Big Money Bowls, or as I like to call them, games to bet on, are still to come.
For the most part, I’m laying low this year, and putting all my chips on just one game.
I think the folks in Vegas, may have all made typo’s.
The Rose Bowl Game.
When I first checked, I was shocked to see such a low spread, and a fairly low over/under. That’s understandable, as everyone can agree TCU is going to try and eat up the clock, and Wisconsin, when they are at their all-out best, keeps the clock running, unless they score on a long run.
What blew my mind, and still has me wondering if I am trapped in some dream, or if the Vegas guys have slipped some cash Wisconsin’s way, is not just the spread, but the fact that TCU is the favorite.
TCU is favored over Wisconsin?
Can everyone let me borrow some cash to bet on Wisconsin, plus 3?
I can’t bet enough on this one.
The Over/Under is still just 58, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Wisconsin scored at least that much on their own.
Obviously it’s gonna be tough for them to actually score 58, but come on.
Wisconsin getting 3 points?
Vegas, are you trying to finance my new house in cash?
Have you seen the size chart for the TCU defensive line?
Ohio State may have the best defensive line in the nation, and they got flattened by the left side of the Wisconsin line.
The rest of the line ain’t bad either, and if I call recal, Wisconsin may have one or two good running backs.
I just can’t wrap my brain around this one, and as I write it, I’m sure I’m typing up Wisconsins death certificate, but I think I’ll take my chances, with the lock of a lifetime.
You heard it here first.
Bet everything.
Steal stuff, sell it, and bet it.
Borrow cash, title’s to houses, and cars, and bet those too.
Take your kids, even those that are not born yet, and bet them as well.
Go Wisconsin on this one folks, and go heavy.

So Long Boys

December 24, 2010

Not sure if you’ve heard yet, but a couple of key players for The Ohio State Football team just got suspended for up to 5 games next season.
More than a couple actually, looking at next years roster, it’s the starting Quarterback, Running Back, Number 1 Receiver, best Offensive Tackle, etc. etc.
So before I get started on this mess, let me just say that I am a hypocrite, but I acknowledge these guys broke rules, and deserve to be punished.
Even though the rule is retarded, and the punishment is waay too strong.
Five games, for selling some of their personal belongings, and writing their name on things, and either selling it, or trading it for free stuff.
Essentially half the season, even though the fifth game against Michigan State is the only game the back-ups would not be favored heavily in anyway.
Five games, because the had the audacity to sell things that belonged to them.
Five games for negotiating free tattoo’s.
Talk to a tatoo artist for about a beer and a half, and just ask him what things he has “received”  instead of money to give someone a tatoo, and I guarantee an autograph would be the most G rated thing he mentions.
Think about this, these kids make Millions for their school. They get a “free” education, even though to get this “free” education they have to not only possess a skill set that puts them in the top 1% of their field, but they have to spend nearly every free moment training to get better, so they work towards the upper echelon of this 1%.By doing this, they become recognizable, and for many they reach celebrity status. Those who reach this status, are denied the chance to benefit from this celebrity in any way, until after they leave school. 
All the while, they are forbidden from obtaining employment during the school year. That is against the rules.
Meanwhile, the University that is giving them this “free” education can exploit these kids, and profit from them until their wallets explode.
If the kid tries to capitalize on it in any way…well that’s against the rules you see.
They can’t have any opportunity not granted to all regular students.
Even though the regular kid, isn’t bringing in millions of Dollars to the University.
Don’t get me wrong, they broke a rule, that according to this story, the other 80 scholarship on the Buckeye Football team did not break.
However, after hearing rumblings about this, I was a little relieved when I saw that” this was it.”
The kids that were caught are surely not the only ones at this school doing this type of thing. They were just the only ones who were unfortunate enough to sell it to a guy who had his home raided by the FBI, and the IRS.
Don’t think this happens at every big time program.
If this is all they find wrong, and 5 guys, for 5 games, if they come back is all we get, that’s a great big, sigh of relief  from me.
Look at it this way.
Every single thing they sold, they not only earned, but clearly owned when they sold it. Same as if you sell something on ebay or craigslist.
The difference is, we are supposed to honor these kids, idolize them, make them stars, but not expect them to take advantage of this.
Not for three years at least.
Every one of these kids comes from families that are less than Upper class. Every one pretty much comes from a home that does not have the “basic” family structure. According to the Ohio State Athletics director (who makes over a million dollars per year) the money was traced right back to these kids families. “They gave it to their family in a time of need”. Maybe they did, and if that is the case, good for them. However, do you really think this is the only time this has happened, or the only time they got caught?
Are these kids wearing Letterman’s jackets, and carrying groceries for old ladies?
Of course not, but I do know this is a far cry from moving your family into a $775,000 house owned by an agent, or having Daddy shop you around to schools for a 6 figure sum, or AAU coaches getting 20 grand or so for basketball players to wear certain shoes, or go to certain schools.
Lets all drop the charade that the big time programs in College Football, and College Basketball are student athletes, and amateurs.
It’s a business, first, and foremost. It’s corrupt, it’s twisted, and it’s not fair.
These sports make Billions, and the ones who drive the revenue get essentially screwed.
Lets all stop pretending that Big time College sports is about anything but money, and while we’re at it, lets stop pretending that the kids who bring in the cash shouldn’t get a taste. I’m not saying they should be paid, but at least give them a chance to bring in a tiny percentage of the money they are making for others, to better their live’s. Maybe let them do paid autograph signings in the offseason, and make them claim it on their tax returns. Maybe let them sell the shirt off their back, just like the other 99.9% of the population, if they choose to do so.
It’s their shirt.
If someone wants to pay them to write their signature on something, so be it.
Anyone who thinks College sports isn’t a hypocritical cash machine, is out of there mind.
For example. Amongst the items sold by these players, was game worn jerseys. According to the NCAA this is a no-no.
However, up until earlier today, you could go to the Ohio State Team shop website, and bid on game worn apparel from big time players, and the money went to the School, not the players who made the jersey desirable.
For some reason they took these items off the auction site earlier today.
Not for good, it just say there are “no items to be auctioned at this time.”
I wonder why that is?
Actually, I wonder how long before they put them back on there.
Also, these villains, this scum of the earth needs to be punished, by sitting out football games.
Not BCS Bowl game,s just 5 games against mainly shitty teams, if they choose to stay in school another year.
Why is that?
Well here is the steaming pile dished out by the NCAA.
“The policy for suspending withholding conditions (suspensions) for bowl games of NCAA championship competition recognizes the unique opportunity these events provide at the end of a season, and they are evaluated differently from a withholding perspective,”
I wonder what the “unique opportunities” they mention are.
Think maybe the fact that Allstate (as in the main sponsor of the Allstate Sugar Bowl, which Ohio State will be playing in) is forking out Millions for this game, on top of the tens of Millions they have already dished out this season alone, does not want to see their highlight game consist of a team of back-ups.
“Don’t worry boys, we’ll get back to punishing you for making a few hundred bucks, as soon as you’re done making a few million for us”
The NCAA also gives the School a chance to chance to decide if the upcoming Bowl game will be included in the suspension, thus making it 4 games next season. This decision will be made by the Athletic director, who’s budget might get a tiny boost from selling a hundred thousand or so Sugar Bowl Champions shirts, and hats. No, that can’t be it, I see Bowl game runner-up gear all the time. Also Jim Tressel could make the call to sit them out for the sugar bowl. He only gets an extra 250k added to his paycheck if they win it. It’s not like he has a vested financial interest in this thing.
Come on NCAA, give me a break.
Was it stupid?
Yes, next time sell your stuff to someone who is a huge OSU fan (doubt there are any of us out there willing to buy stuff from Terrell Pryor), who is not going to rat you out, kind of like the Auburn Boosters who funded this years Heisman winner.
Was it selfish?
Maybe, but all we know is these guys got caught, that doesn’t mean the bulk of the rest of the roster isn’t doing it as well, just they may be getting away with it.
Does it make any sense at all that this is all going down because someone sold their own clothing, or signed their name.
Absolutely not.
For the most recent victims of the hypocrisy, so long, go Pro, and good luck. Even if that is in the USFL, or Canada, or an NFL practice squad, at least you’ll get paid, and if I ever see ya, I’ll buy you a beer.
You’ve done more than your share here.
3 straight Big Ten titles, 3 straight BCS Bowls, 3 straight wins over Michigan, every home game sold out while you were here, and Millions, and Millions made for everyone else.
It’s been 2,588 days since Michigan beat Ohio State in Football, and you played a role in it. Should you have sold one of the 3 pairs of gold pants you got for being part of this, no, but if you want to that’s your call.
Not some guy who’s salary depends on you, and the future versions of you will soon follow.
I can’t wait for those game worn Sugar Bowl jerseys to go up for auction on http://shop.ohiostatebuckeyes.com/

The Grinch Strikes!

December 22, 2010

There are many omens indicating your day is going to suck.
The alarm does not go off.
Your kid wakes you up in the middle of the night, and does not fall back to sleep until 20 minutes before the alarm is going to go off.
Your car won’t start.
You discover you left your window down in a rainstorm over night, and drive to work with a wet ass.
You get a speeding ticket on your way to the office.
etc. etc.
I think I found one that will count in this category 100% of the time, and pretty much guarantee your day will blow, the whole way through.
When you get to sit in the back seat of a cop car before you even brush your teeth, or have a cup of coffee.
Ah yes, good times.
So Sunday was my wife’s turn to get up early with our son, and I got a little much appreciated R&R.
 Shortly after I did wake, and about 9 seconds after my wife went to go back to bed, there was a knock at the door.
Perhaps one of the only good things about moving from a house to an apartment is the loss of the unexpected visitors, mainly people trying to take my money.
This was not someone after my cash, this was a chick cop.
She asked if I drove a certain type, and color of vehicle, which I of course drive that exact vehicle, and never see anything closely resembling it in the parking lot.
So I say yes, hoping I did not sleepwalk and rob a UDF in the middle of the night.
She informed me that the window to my truck had been smashed in, and they needed me to come look and see if anything had been taken.
I then had what could be the most awesome reply to a police officer asking you to step outside.
“Let me put some pants on.”
So I put on said pants, head out and see that my passenger window had indeed been busted. Look inside and see a big mess, and instantly notice some important stuff gone, mainly things I use for work.
The bulk of what was missing, is as specialized as a set of tools can get.
There may be a dozen people in the greater Columbus area who even know what they are.
The rest consisted of a drill, extension cord, and a whole bunch of epoxy cartridges, which are worthless unless you know what to do with them.
They were nice enough to leave me with what looked to be the better part of an entire bag-o-glass, which was awesome.
So I hop in the back of the cop car, since it was really damn cold, and start filling out a report.
The chick cop steps out to talk to another cop, who was filling out someone elses report, since we apparently moved into a crime spree.
The back seat of this cop car was one big plastic bench, similar to my sons slide.
I thought that was pretty shitty if you ever had to ride in it.
I tried to get out when I was done, and of course, for some reason the back door does not open from the inside. Who knew?
So Chick cop comes back, lets me out, and she pretty much gives me the run down of how this all proceeds from here.
My window is busted, my shit is gone, they will never catch who stole my stuff, nor will I get it back, it’s freezing, and I am missing a window, it’s up to me to deal with the spilled bag-o-glass, and yes I can cut myself on it, it’s Sunday, it’s cold, and no glass places are open.
She said some other stuff, but that was the jist of it. I did ask if perps slide across the plastic seat when they are handcuffed, and the car turns sharply, and she replied yes, which was awesome.
So I go inside, and start my day.
The best way to sum up discovering some cock-tard broke your window and robbed you?
Not Awesome.
About 3 minutes later, I realize that not only did I need that stuff for pretty much every job I had scheduled this week (that’s kind of why it was in my truck) but I forgot about some moderately expensive items that were also missing.
Since I have no shot at ever finding it, mainly due to the fact that it’s completely worthless to 99.9% of the population and destined to end up in a river somewhere, I’ve decided that when I call to add it to the items missing from the police report, I’m gonna throw in a few “others” as well.
If not only to commit insurance fraud, and to falsify police documents, just for shits and giggles.
So here are some of the things I forgot were in my truck, and are now missing:
Multiple Honus Wagner baseball cards (good-mint condition)
Reggie Bush’s Heisman portrait
Amelia Earhart’s other fingers
Box of gold bars
In-tact fossilized remains of a giant sloth
Pile of Apple stock certificates circa 1983
President Obama’s birth certificate
Love letters from Mary Todd Lincoln, to John Wilkes Booth (pre shooting)
A real Light saber
Screen plays to the Star Wars Prequels that don’t suck
Colonel Sanders secret recipe for chilli
Confession from Helen Keller that she heard and saw everything
Picture of Al Gore burning old tires
Patent for a device that makes Tyler Perry Comedy funny to white people
Naked pictures of Jessica Alba
1 can of Copenhagen

I’m sure I’ll think of some other stuff, and add it tot he list in due time. If there are longer than normal breaks between posts, you’ll know that I not only submitted this list to the cops, but they did not think it was funny. Fret not, I will get out shortly, and have all kinds of awesome jail stories to blog about.
If you are the shithead who stole my stuff, I hate you. Break people windows when the weather is moderate, not when it is 12 degrees. Garbage sack windows have pretty much zero insulation, and tape does not stick when it is this cold. I will kill you if I find you, so roast in hell like pigs!
Other than that, I hold no anger to the bastards who did this to me.
Also, if you are reading this, and you know me, you’ll never believe what happened. I bought you the most awesome Christmas gift ever, and someone broke into my truck and stole it.
Because of this economy, and the lack of time to buy all new gifts, I guess you’ll have to just go without as far as gifts from me go, and remember it was the thought that counted.
You’ll never belive how ae=wesome your gift was anyway.

Falling in Love

December 18, 2010

For the second time in just over a year, I am smitten.
Last year, it was Evan TUrner who pretty much stole my heart, and made me all crazy with thoughts of a Basketball Championship for my Buckeyes.
This year, it’s the much younger, Jared Sullinger, who has me all wrapped up in joy.
Actually, it may be this whole team, but foremost it’s Sullinger, who has me dreaming of big big things this spring.
I remember the buzz when he committed to OSU as basically a middle school kid. No big deal, he was a legacy, I didn’t have a big problem with a kid who had yet to play High School ball verbally committing to a University.
I figured as corrupt as College Basketball, and the AAU teams are, if it wasn’t OSU, somebody else would lock him in, so why not us.
A year or two later, I was at the Rec center by my old house, and saw him play.
He was a big, big 15 year old, and I decided I did not want to play basketball that day, for fear of my skills looking even worse than what they normally are, and as a fat, short, white guy who plays basketball once a year or so, which is pretty poor.
Anywho, fast forward 3 or 4 years, and he we are.
The Buckeyes, are a dominant, complete, and deep team.
Sure a decent ammount of the depth is from Freshman, but on a Thad Matta team, 7 guys who play regulary is deep.
This year,  the Bucks essentially have two freshman starters. One, Sullinger, who couild be the most dominant big man in college hoops, and can run the floor, and shoot outside. The other, is Craft, the white point guard who played a big role in getting Bruce Pearl suspended by the SEC, and since he decided to sit out football his senior year, he also gave my old school it’s first win in a few years.
Both play nothing like Freshman, even in todays College basketball.
Throw in David Lighty, the most under-rated player in the Nation, John Diebler who when he is on, is lights out from three point land, William Buford who can explode for 30 on any given night, and Dallas Lauderdale who simply has to block shots, and pull down boards, this team has everything.
Two other freshman who were big time recruits can be counted on when needed.
The key to this team, as opposed to other Matta teams is it seams to be the best mix since he has been here.
He’s had success with another coach’s players, a team almost entirely made up of Freshman, a couple seasons with no actual point guard, one year of having no subs, and dependant on Evan Turner, and he always wins.
His team always gets better as the year goes on, and this one is pretty stacked right out of the gate.
As we stand, there is no team in College Basketball who this team can not match up with.
I’m not saying they will go unbeaten, but they can match up with anybody, and likely decide the type of game they want to play.
This is the best mix of inside/outside, guys who can go to the hoop, defense, experiance, and talent since Matta has been here, and he’s done some pretty big things in the past.
The best part about Thad Matta, and we’ve hardly been able to see it with the really talented players is, his players get much, much better the longer they stay.
We saw it witrh Evan Turner last year, David Lighty and William Buford this year, and can only wonder what could have been with the two 7 footers who were one and done, and DaQuan Cook, and Mike Conley Jr.
THe way this year is going, Sullinger is a lock for a lottery pick in the NBA draft, and he should go if the money is there.
But, just think how good he could be with a whole off-season, and one more year under Matta.
Oh the crazy things we think about when we are in love.
Duke also sucks.

Chris Ruins Christmas!

December 7, 2010

So Today I had to go into some buttholes house, and fix some stuff in his basement.
Most of it was finished (rather shittily if I do say so myself) but one little room was left un-touched by the do-it-yourself carpenter’s.
This of course was the room I had to play in.
I explained everything to the owner, what I would be doing yada yada yada, and waited for him to leave me alone.
On his way out the door he mentioned “I’m going to lock this behind me”.
Did he really say that?
Yes.
Apparently, this chap was uber-concerned about his little kids getting into this particular room, he thought it appropriate to go ahead and lock me in there for a while.
Now, I realize that America is a land made up of mostly idiots, but when did it become a socially acceptable gray area to lock strangers in your basement?
As soon as I checked to see if the door was locked, which it was, I knew one of two things was going to happen.
Either A, I was going to need to go back to my truck and get something, and he wouldn’t be able to hear me asking to be let out because he had gone upstairs to change a diaper or something.
Or,
B, He would already be upstairs sharpening his murderin’ knives and putting on lipstick.
Of course I needed to make several trips in and out, and I was going to need him to undo the child-proof double lock so I could go in and out, not to mention stop fearing for my life.
He decided the smart thing to do would be to keep locking the door, but also to give me my very own key to the mystery door, so I could keep locking it behind me.
Fair enough.
I remembered to lock it on two of my three trips.
The problem was, he hadn’t been locking the door because he was Buffalo Bill from Silence Of The Lambs, or because he was a dick, he had been locking it because I guess all of his kids Christmas gifts were in the un-finished room, and the little shitheads knew this.
As opposed to actually parenting his kids, and making it clear to them not to go into this room, or not letting them know about the gifts inside, or actually watching them as some stranger with power tools works ten feet away, he was relying on an after market deadbolt to protect the integrity of the family Christmas.
Too bad for him.
My last trip in (thankfully a short one) there was a decent amount of yelling.
Kids, Mom, idiot Dad, all yelling one way or another.
Apparently after I went up the steps, the little bastards made a break for the now unlocked gift room, and saw all of Santas presents waiting inside, un-wrapped.
The kids were happy as hell.
Mom and Dad, not so much.
So needless to say my exit was a tad hasty, and I can add 2 more folks to the people who may want to see me die list.
The good news is, those little bastards are going to sleep tonight with visions of bikes, hotwheels, and other cool stuff dancing in their heads.
On the other hand, they could also be crying their eyes out because I forced Mommy and Daddy to explain that Santa isn’t real.

Well now I feel better

December 2, 2010

Thank God the whole Cam Newton “pay to play” thing can be put to rest.
I feel like I owe the NCAA, Auburn, the newton family, and the makers of yoohoo a big apology.
And here I was thinking all along that something smelled fishy.
I would have bet anything that something bad went dow, when all those people were claiming Papa Newton was shopping his son around to the highest bidder.
Silly me.
When I hear that he had asked Mississippi State, the School he was favoring, for somewhere between $100,000, and $180,000 to play there, I was certain something illegal had gone down.
When I hear ole man Newton was the pastor of a church that was in danger of being torn down due to all the code violations, and all the repairs it needed that they couldn’t pay for, only to find out they magically found the money, yet can’t quite say where they got it, fixed the church, and the Cam went to Auburn, I was certain one of two things happened.
Either Auburn, or a booster from there forked over the cash, or the lord stepped in and delivered a miracle.
Silly ole me, turns out it was a real deal miracle.
I wonder if I could ask Auburn, I mean Jesus to fix the radio in my truck?
When I heard that the wife of Mississippi State’s head coach had a conversation over the phone with a crying Cam Newton who was apologizing and saying the money at Auburn was too much to turn down, I thought for certain that would prove he was ineligible.
I guess maybe she “mis-remembered”.
I’ll buy that.
Allegation after allegation, evidence upon evidence I jumped right on board, pitchfork in hand ready to throw Cam Newton into the fire.
Turns out every single one of those things was really just a big misunderstanding.
Truth is, Mr. newton did ask for money in exchange for his son to play College football.
But, thankfully, he never let his son know about any of it.
That makes sense.
I guess he was only asking Mississippi State (the school Cameron, and Mr. Newton wanted all along) for money, and not any other school, especially some dark horse school like Auburn.
I mean, why would he ask all of the schools how much they were gonna pay? That wouldn’t make any sense at all.
I do admit, that when I heard about the Casino owner who is on the board of regents for Auburn (the same guy whom former Auburn coach Terry Bowden said orchestrated a pay to play scheme that got Auburn on probation once before), I smelled a rat.
Turns out that’s just a coincidence.
It’s not like some guy who owns a Casino could give a bunch of chips to a friend of a family of a big-time recruit, and he could then cash them in at said casino, and give the cash to the father to use to have a hundred or so grand worth of repairs done to an anonymous church, and have it all be completely un-traceable.
That’s silly.
I did, just for a moment think rules had been broken when Auburn for “no apparent reason” ruled Cam newton ineligible.
But don’t worry, the NCAA said he is eligible, and can keep playing, and can win the Heisman, and run all over an Oregon team with absolutely no defense, and everything will be just fine, with no reason to believe 5 years from now it all comes crashing down.
Thank God.
Turns out Auburn was just being silly, and it’s all just a big mix-up.
Everything is fine.
Go Cam Newton!

Come On Cleveland Fans!

December 2, 2010

Alright Cleveland fans. This is it. The big chance.
Lebron James, is coming back to town, and the whole world is watching.
The only question now is, what are you gonna do?
A lot of “media” types are pleading for Cavs fans to show some respect, be polite, thank Lebron for 7 years of service, have class, sportsmanship, blah, blah, blah.
No way.
This is his first trip back as an opponent since he hung you all out to dry this past summer.
You only get one shot to do this right.
No class, no respect, etc. etc. this is Cleveland damn it!
Sportsmanship, is not only a communist line of logic, but it was designed for those who plan on losing.
You’ve already lost, what else do you have to lose.
Remember how it felt when he went on ESPN, in that gay looking shirt, and said he was going to SOuth Beach?
Remember how that felt?
Now is the one shot to get back at him, and as Cleveland fans, you must know what I am talking about.
Now, I’m not saying you should physically attack Lebron, but it would be funny to watch on t.v.
Nothing too violent of course, but that does not mean you can’t be the most vulgar, senseless, disrespectfull hate driven fans the world has ever seen does it?
At no Cleveland sporting events will you find the sale of plastic, or aluminum bottles.
Why?
Because history has taught us it’s only a matter of time before Cleveland fans start throwing them.
You guys tackled a little boy, simply because he was a Jets fan.
Are you telling me you’re gonna go easy on Lebron?
You can do better than that can’t you?
Obviously I expect some of the funniest, most NSFW signs ever seen to be in the crowd.
I expect someone to trump the Philadelphia fans, and maybe even vomit on the Heat players during a timeout.
I expect flaming bags of dogshit, hefty bags of urine, and at least one sex doll with a Lebron Heat jersey on.
Do you really want to “be classy” or do you want to be able to tell all you’re friends that you were the drunk guy who hit King James with an octopus?
That’s what I thought.
Don’t let me down Cleveland fans.