And so it begins

October 26, 2010

One again, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and try to go about a normal life.
During my short little break, my life went mostly to shit.
My Reds got poop-shooted right out of the playoffs.
The Bengals became terrible at football.
Ohio State choked in Wisconsin to the joy of fat white people everywhere.
And so on, and so on.
So here I am back and ready roll, until life kicks me in the balls yet again.

The NBA season begins tonight, or as I call it, the most worthless use of 6 months ever.
The big story, is Lebron and the Heat.
Let me sum up this whole tale in one paragraph or more.
Lebron left Cleveland, pissing a lot of people off. This happens anytime a big star skips town. Some folks say it is racist. These folks are retarded. The reason most fans are pissed fits into 2 categories.
1. Cavs fans, who just lost their best player ever. They have every right to no longer like Lebron. They are fans, he is no longer on the team, and he chose to leave on his own accord. BoSox fans hated Clemens when he became a Yankee, this is what fans do, and it is fine.
2. The other group, is people who either don’t like the fact that stars are manipulating contracts to try and form “Super Teams” thus raping the competitive balance of the sport, and those who don’t like the fact that he quit on his team at the first sign of stress, held an hour long special about himself, and didn’t bother to let his old team, or old teammates know anything about his decision, so it could be all about him.
Either way is fine, and neither is racist, so get on with it.
As for how it all plays out from here, can be summed up in two words.
Dwayne Wade.
If D-Wade stays healthy, and can put the other two stars on his back in crunch time, the Heat may actually win it all.
However, looking at the rest of this roster, and both King James, and C-Bosh’s histories of folding like lawn chairs in crunch time, if anything happens to Wade, this is just a more expensive version of the Cleveland Cavaliers 2007-2009.
Lakers vs. the Celtics yet again folks.

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Not Good…

October 10, 2010

Here I sit, in my home, with a pair of tickets for a game that will never be, watching my Reds fade away, in a stadium full of fans who appear to be waiting around for the post game fireworks, or discounts at the concession stands in the 8th inning.
This is absolutely stunning.
Not so much the play on the field, yes the errors are surprising, but the way Hammels is pitching, what can you do?
What gets me, is this is a city that hasn’t seen a home playoff game since the Super NES was on store shelf’s, and yet the crowd is the deadest of any park this whole post-season.
Some fans in the outfield seem to be standing most of the time, and I’m sure the guys in the upper deck are doing their part, but on the whole, I’m giving 8 out of 10 Reds fans in GABP an F, for Fucking worthless.
15 years people, and you sit the whole game?
about 10% participation on the MVP chant for Votto’s first home playoff at bat, and it tailed off from there.
Having 4 idiots with gloves in the front row battling over the chance to deny Drew Stubbs any chance to rob a home run, and keep it a 1-0 game?
No extra love for Scott Rolen, who gave everything this season, has an empty tank, and a bad back, and spent two games getting killed by Philly fans, knowing fully well that Scott has nothing left but is all we have, and that we never would have sniffed this day without him?
Leaving on Bengals Jersey’s for the Reds game?
Is it family night at the park?
This is embarrassing.
As someone who tried to get tickets, but can’t justify scalpers prices, this pisses me off, this team deserves better crowd support, whether it matters or not.
This series is over already, but fans are supposed to be the last to believe that.
I went to a playoff game at Riverfront, where drunken rednecks were sitting behind the jumbo-tron, and never sat down the whole game.
This crowd is a disgrace to those 16 or so drunk guys who saw nothing of the game, except the circuit panel on the old jumbo-tron, let alone every Reds fans who wanted to be at this game.
If you want to sit down and watch a playoff game, stay home.
If you’re still in shock over yet another devastating Bengals loss earlier today, know this. If you are even in a close game with a Cleveland, or a Tampa Bay, you suck anyway, and might as well start tanking it to get a better draft pick. The Bengals have no chance, don’t let the Reds suffer because you don’t grasp this.
We have 8 outs left, get off your asses, make some noise, and if you need to tell the 7 year old girl next to you get out of her seat, run down Pete Rose way to the first bar she finds, and give her ticket to a real Reds fan.

Well, Let’s get this over with.
Where do we start?
How does one sum up the feelings of after 15 years of misery, the one little bright spot, the one glimmer of hope getting snuffed out in a fashion more dramatic than even one as pessimistic as I could imagine?
How does one avoid feeling that God is laughing as my hopes and dreams pretty much get rammed in the ass?
Simple.
Denial?
All I know is Halladay had a no hitter go into the 9th, at which time I gave my son a bath, and missed the end. I can only assume the Reds put up 3 runs, and barely lost.
No, too many assholes thought it was hilarious and called to tell me about it. Rest assured that every beverage they consume in my presence, will contain at the least moderate amounts of my urine.
Anger?
If I say “God has fucked me in the ass yet again”, does that count?
If I refuse to ever eat anything but generic brand cream cheese, and never eat cheese steaks, does that count?
What if I say only a Philly fan can make Pittsburgh, California, and Boston fans look like well educated, literate, upstanding fans with good personal hygiene?
Does that Count?
What if I make my next birthday wish that Mike Vick starts sneaking into the Philly Zoo, and re-opening the Dog fighting ring with exotic animals, causing them all to die, giving thousands of young Philly kids nightmares, and Andy Reid’s sons are there selling heroin, and Mike Schmidt is giving blow jobs to Mets players?
Is that angry enough?
Does the homemade anthrax I fed-exed to the Phillies clubhouse count?
Blind Hope?
I was gonna hope for just one hit, and slowly work our way up to a run in game 3, but drastic times call for drastic measures folks.
If this is gonna get me through it, it needs to be all out, balls to the wall hope. We got Bronson Arroyo on the hill. Dude is money this time of year, and he’s rested, and angry.
Our pen, shut down the Phillies, so they have confidence. Even Edinson wasn’t terrible. He was barely missing on a lot of pitches (same pitches were strikes for Roy). He had them on the ropes almost every at bat, but couldn’t finish them off. Two key plays in the field, and nobody scores. Anyway, it didn’t matter, cause short of Sandy Kofax circa 1968, we had no shot at beating Halladay.
This team is angry, the butterflies are gone, our feet are wet, and we are ready. I’ve got my Arroyo hair hat ready, my Nasty Boys shirt on, and counting down the minutes to when the Reds strike back, and take a 1-1 tie into the ‘Nati to finish these bastards off.
This can be done folks.
Gods little joke sure was funny, now it’s time for him to make things right, and give the Reds a little love.
Otherwise, you will be reading the words of one pissed off Muslim in a few days.
Make it right God.

Believe

October 5, 2010

Tonight, we pray for miracles.
Against all odds, our little Redlegs journey into uncharted waters.
Somewhere, Terrelle Pryor is getting his leg looked at.
My playoff tickets sit in a drawer mere defunct pieces of paper, for a game that does not exist.
Still we hope.
Maybe NLDS Cincinnati Home Game 3 will get rolled into NLCS Cincinnati home game 1.
It could happen.
My credit card is yet to be credited for the two tickets.
Please Miracles, please happen.
It sounds like Terrelle is gonna be okay, so that one isn’t keeping me up too late at night.
Now the Big One.
The Hunt For A Reds October.
Going up against the biggest, baddest National league team money can buy.
The perennial Ace Roy Halladay. The Reds Killer Roy Oswalt, and the Cole Hammels, who is on fire.
Not to mention the lineup that even makes the Yankess nervous.
A miracle here would definitely help.
Roy Halladay didn’t exactly get a lot of Playoff reps in Toronto.
We have beat Oswalt the last two times we faced him.
Hammels sucked all of last year.
There is still hope folks.
I’ll take my odds in Philly over a trip to the dreaded West coast any day.
I’ve seen that game a hundred times, we’ll take the eastern time zone thank you.
So yes our Reds are facing a huge battle, and by all odss will get swept in dramatic fashion, thus setting off another 15 or so years of misery, but damn it, if Miracles can happen, why can’t they happen to us?
If not a Miracle, maybe a huge mistake by MLB.com, and my credit card gets credited with 20 grand on accident.
Lets Go Reds!

Wrap Up

October 5, 2010

Time to crawl out of the darkness, and admit defeat.
Yes, the Browns won.
Sure, there are a number of reasons why this happened, and not all of them were the Bengals fault, but in the end, a loss to a really shitty team is still a loss.
Sure, for the first time ever there was a holding call against a nose tackle which no replay seems to show, and it kept a drive alive, and ended all hope.
Maybe a really, really shitty phantom hit against a defenseless receiver call turned a field goal drive, into a touchdown drive, but the game still could have been won.
Yes, Carson dropped the ball twice in his own territory, thus handing the Browns 2 scores.
Pacman did drop an easy pick six, but the game was still up for grabs.
Of course we had another kick blocked in Cleveland, the only surprise there was that it wasn’t Shaun Rogers who did it. Maybe if our entire line wasn’t focused on blocking him, someone would have been able to block Scott Fujita.
In th end, this is what we know.
The call against Ndukwe, unlike the one against Cleveland later in the game (no fine is too high), was as big of a crock of shit ever. It may have had no actual impact on the outcome of the game, but someone should keep an eye on this call. The ruling was that the receiver was defenseless as Chinedum hit him with his shoulder, as the ball arrived.
So according to the ruling on the field, a defender must let the receiver catch the ball, get his wits about him, and then he is fair game. The NFL is doing whatever it can to protect QB’s, and receivers, and it’s going way too far. Technically, any receiver is defenselss as he is catching the ball, and is now off limits. On the flip side, we have the hit against Jordan Shipley, which happens not only after the pass was broken up, but after the ball had hit the ground, was to the head, and it gets the exact same penalty as a hit to the side, while the ball arrives. Keep up the good work NFL.
In the end, Cleveland has this big white ape who is very hard to tackle. Some pretty good defensive players put some big hits on him, and he kept on trucking. As soon as Cleveland took the lead, they were able to keep feeding it to the redneck, and he kept barreling over Bengals.
So hats off to Cleveland.
As for the Refs, I can only complain so much.
After all, they may have saved the season for my Buckeyes.
Grabbing a running back by the front of the shoulder pads on an amazing play on a huge third down? Well that’s called facemasking, and a Buckeyes first down.
Get another extra point blocked in a tight game? Defensive holding, which makes since cause so many receivers are running routes for the offense on extra point kick attempts. Thanks stripes!
Spotting the ball two feet farther down field when Boom Herron falls short on a huge 4th down play? Who can remember where you spotted the ball 3 seconds ago anyway?
One guy, on the opposite side if the field lines up offside in yet another huge 4th quarter play? Well, he’s obviously a stupid player, since he accepted a scholarship offer to Illinois over anyone else, so that’s on the player.
I guess since the Refs made up for almost every shitty call against my teams ever on Saturday, a few shitty calls, and one loss to Cleveland is worth it.