Whooohooohahahaha!

November 9, 2009

Oh how happy am I?
Almost too happy for words. But I’ll still give it a shot.
Buckeyes, as I have said, won the one game that would decide whether or not they would win the Big Ten, and now all of Buckeye nation has forgotten about Purdue, which could be a Big Ten Bowl spoiler, if they can pull it off and be eligible,
My Blue Jackets, picked themselves’ up off the ice, and all of a sudden are in first place in their division.
Tim Tebow’s stats are so bad, even a total retard will admit he can’t win a Heisman.
Charlie Weiss, the smartest football mind of all time, is only weeks away from joining 3 time Heisman trophy winner Ron Powlus as the most worthless turd in Notre Dame history, and also adding to the unemployment stats. Can’t wait to see how long it takes chuck to burn through 18 million dollars at the Sizzler.
And of course, MY Bengals!
Oh, my Bengals. How happy have you made me? Next week doesn’t even matter. We’re so far ahead of schedule on my 9 wins prediction, that I could care less about a game in Pittsburgh. We’ve got Cleveland, Oakland, and Detroit sitting out there in our final six games. We may actually make the Playoffs. All I care about is the cash. I spoke with the guy who bet me on the total number of Bengals wins tonight, and he all but conceded.
Part of the reason this all tastes so sweet, is the way it went down.
While watching the pre-game shows, I saw, and heard, the same things, over, and over, and over. “The Ravens defense” was gonna be the reason Baltimore would win this game. A rare mention about sensible things, from people who actually watch the games like, “Cedric Benson”, and “The Bengals Offensive Line”. For the most part, the pro’s went with the ole stand-by, the Ravens Defense.
I was actually mad at my television before the game. partly because I couldn’t believe how blatantly obvious it was that these guys had no clue about what they were saying, partly because I saw Dan Fouts was doing the game. Is it that hard to figure out?
The current year, is 2009. Not 1999. The Ravens defense, isn’t half as good as the Bengals. Plain and simple. Yes, they make some mistakes, and are missing a few key pieces, but in every aspect the guys in the striped helmets are better than the Baltimore version.
Linebackers? We have Keith River’s, and my new best friend Rey Mauluga to go along with a solid Dhani Jones. Baltimore has lost it’s best linebacker to free agency each of the last two years. Ray Lewis is a mere figurehead, who’s next shot at glory is a feature role on the CBS show Cold Case, as an accessory to Murder.
DB’s? I’ll take Jo-Jo, and Leon Hall, over the soft corners of Baltimore every week. Ed Reed is nice, but an NFL Safety needs a little help from his friends to be great, and Ed’s friends are second tier.
DL? It’s close here, but the Bengals own the depth on this one, as seen last week, when each team was without it’s best lineman.
The proof, is now in the pudding, and I love pudding.
So thanks idiot ESPN/CBS analysts, who haven’t paid attention to anything but highlights the last ten years. Thanks for making this win that much more sweet. Without you, it would have been just another win I expected to happen.
Because of you I’m not even worried about whether or not Chris Henry gets addicted to painkillers.

 

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