Vote Now!

September 29, 2009

www.reds.mlb.com and other MLB team sites, are having a vote for the all time line-up thing going right now, and it’s amazing. The general idea is, you take some of the great players of all-time from that teams history, by each position, by that players best season, and then you vote for the best lineup. Some positions, like 2nd base, only have a handful of players who’s great season made the cut. Others, like outfield, have about 20.
I can’t wait to see what the Diamondbacks have.
With the Reds, its great. You get to see a lot of names you kind of forgot about, and compare there great years with those of some of the all-time best for that franchise. I almost voted for Kal Daniels.
The fun part, is when you root for a team that has more or less blown for your entire lifetime, you get to see just how petty some of the guys you grew up watching’s best years were, compared to the all-time best.
A few seasons ago, Brandon Phillips had a “monster” year. By “monster”, I mean, it was better than the crap I’ve been exposed to most of my life. (also on there, was Brett Boone’s amazing season). You see the numbers they put up, and you think to yourself, “man what a season”.
Then however, you look down one line, and you see the best year Joe Morgan put up, and you kind of feel like crap. Worse yet, is when you get to the outfield. You scan quickly and say “Oh definitely Griffey Jr. in ‘2000”. Then you look around. All the sudden, the guys you grew up admiring, turn out to be turds, who can’t carry the jocks of the “Big Red machine” players. You obviously think of Rose, Morgan, and Bench, and then you see what George Foster did during his MVP season, and you realize, you have spent the better part of 30 years, watching absolutely horrible baseball.

I’ve decided I’m going to try and be a Yankees fan. The Red Sox made consideration, but I think I would just end up either killing myself, or serving a multi-year prison term for pummeling a douche-bag “Bo-Sox” fan. I’ve never been a team hopper, and i love my Reds, but after seeing that list, I feel used, dirty, and cheap. I kind of just want to curl up in the tub and cry.
When it comes right down to it, Kal Daniels may have had the best season of any Red in my day. How does one not go on a killing spree after realizing that?
I know I hate the Yankees, but I deserve to be happy. I’m gonna go for it. Sure, this postseason will be a huge let-down, after C.C. becomes cold weather C.C., and A-rod swallows a rod, and we get wiped out dramatically from the big dance. It’s worth the risk if you ask me. I know in my heart, I’ll still be a Reds fan, destined to dream of the day my team can be .500 or better, but I’ll settle for almost. If they win out, they’ll miss it by 2 games.
Sure, I can’t really be a Yankees fan. I was born a Reds fan, and maybe I will die a Reds fan, but damn-it, I want to feel the joy of winning!
Sure the feeling will only be half-true, as I will know in my heart I’m not really a Yankees fan, just a poser, but I have to try.
Imagine how awesome it would be to wear a ‘World Series Champion’ shirt, that covers all of your belly, and doesn’t have yellow arm pits, and doesn’t look like a Dickie when you wear it, since it was designed to fit a 6th grade version of yourself. (for the record, I would buy a new 1990 World Series shirt if I could find one)
So here I am World, a quasi-yankees fan, dreaming of a better life. Please be gentle on me, for I am a Reds fan at heart. When I think of greatness, I think Bip Roberts, and Chris Sabo, and Reggie Sanders. Please be gentle with me.

Still going to opening day in the nati next year, but go Yanks, you dirty fuckers!

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Riding High

September 29, 2009

It’s been pretty tough to pretend that all isn’t right in this world. This past weekend, was about as good as anyone could ever ask for. not quite perfect, but good enough to have me on cloud nine right about now.
It statred Saturday, when my buckeyes pitched another shut-out, against another bad team, in a monsoon. Then after in the day, Over-rated PSU went down to Iowa, and of course, Tim Tebow got jacked. Life was beautiful.
Going into Sunday, the weather cleared, so i could get some much needed work done to the house. By the time the Bengals game came on (after Cleveland got destroyed), I was almost indifferent to the result. I was disappointed at first, not because they were losing, but because they looked horrible. I had counted this game as a loss, it would not affect my 9+ wins prediction. What got me, was just how out of sync they looked. It was like watching a Pro team, take on a bad college team.
And then, that all changed. Just about the time I decided that a loss to Shittsburgh was no big deal, the Bengals started playing well. Really well actually. only giving up 1 score the whole second half. Before I knew it, they were driving for the win.
in the end, they pulled it off, and life was beautiful. By the time I checked the scores to see how I did with my picks for the other games, I could have cared less. Much to my surprise, I only missed one game, out off all the NFL games. For whatever reason I took Oakland and the points? It didn’t matter. I had just capped off what may have been the best sports weekend of all time. Had Albert Pujols got caught using HGH, it would have been complete. That, or Charlie Weiss getting arrested for stealing ribs.
Hell, even the Lions won a game. Not that I care, but I picked them to win, so I’ll be happy about that too.
All this means, is that this upcoming weekend is going to come back and bite me. I’m not worried though, I’m going to enjoy it while I can. No matter what happens, things are just bouncing off of me. Life is beautiful.
Unless the Bengals blow it against Cleveland, then I’ll return to my usual hate-filled self.

Revenge at last.

September 26, 2009

Oh, how I have waited for this moment. It could not come soon enough, and as it nears, I am giddy with anticipation. The true rematch, between my Bengals, and the Hines “I showered with Kordell Stewart” Ward lead Steelers. Sure these two teams have already played a game since the infamous “cheap-shot heard round the world game”. In which Hines “I showered with kordell Stewart” Ward got away with a helmet-to-face hit on Bengals rookie stud linebacker, Keith Rivers. That one didn’t count. Hines “I showered with Kordell Stewart” Ward did play, but Rivers was still out with a broken jaw.
Now though, he is back, his lil’ buddy Rey Maualuga is at his side, and NFL Films highlight reel hit machine Roy Williams has Hines “I showered with kordell Stewart” Ward in his sights. I am stoked.
So much has changed since that fateful day. Rivers was just the start, of what would be a record setting number of Bengals defenders going on the injured reserve. An off-season full of move’s, people getting healthy, another year under the defensive genius of Mike Zimmer, and Hard Knocks have given the Bengals some Swagger on Defense.  Oh yeah, Shittsburg won another title, but who cares? It was rigged by President Obama, and his stoolie, ole man Rooney.
Now, the moment has arrived. back in the Jungle. The revamped Bengals Defense, is full of exactly what the doctor ordered. Big Hitters, and pass rushers. Both of which, could play a huge role in not only taking down the Shittsburg Steelers, but also knocking Hines “I still shower with kordell Stewart” Ward out of commission.
Sure, the Bengals may not win. They still have massive issues with the O-line, and nobody knows if Palmer is in enough rhythm with his receivers to out-do Dick Lebau’s defensive scheme. Personally, I think the game goes to the Bengals, in an upset. It’s all right there. I’m going to hide my phone as soon as the work day ends on friday, to ensure I don’t place a bet on my Bengals, with the points, thus jinxing them.
Either way, all I care about, is getting to see Hines “I showered with kordell Stewart” Ward, get lit up. Again, and again, before finally suffering a hit so devastating, that Kordell prance’s onto the field, and carries him off to a B&B somewhere in the commonwealth of Kentucky, for some romantic healing, and of course, one more shower.
Ward has refused to even acknowledge it was a dirty hit, or apologize. Rivers, who is a stud, has just kept quiet. His side-kick Rey has let a few words slip, indicating he wants a shot at Kordell’s shower buddy, and God only knows what Roy Williams can do if Ms. Ward tries to catch one across the middle.
The moment is here.
Win, lose, or tie. All that matters is one hit, to make things right.
And who knows, the Bengals curse may have started that day long ago in Green Bay, where the Packers QB was hurt early, and some dude named pussy-fvarte made his debut, and both teams, went in different directions. Maybe last weeks game has put an end to all that, and this franchise can finally move on.
If not, killing Hines “I showered with Kordell Stewart” Ward will be just fine with me.

Doomsday

September 23, 2009

I’ve been watching a lot of crappy late night television lately. I’ve always been a bit of a night owl, and for whatever reason this time of year, I get even less sleep than my usual 5-6 hours. This means, I either read a crapload of books (which I do), and, or, watch a lot of crappy stuff on t.v. I’ve already seen everything on HBO, and HBO on demand. This means that if there is no football game on, or an episode of It’s always Sunny In Philadelphia, I end up watching one of three channels. History, Discovery, and National Geographic. These channels are great for letting your mind coast into slumber, and are entertaining enough to keep you from going crazy. They also provide a slight chance at seeing naked tribe-boobs, which is not great, but still fun anyway.
Recently, there have been a lot of shows about how the world is going to end in 2012.
This theory has been around for longer than we can remember, and there seems to be new ones popping up every year. The main one, is based on the Mayan Calendar. Apparently, the Mayan’s had this calendar, that was “super-accurate”, and even vaguely predicted some events well past their demise. Their calendar, goes on for thousands of years, and then just stops, on December 21st 2012 (Bowl season!). It’s dead-on accurate, as far as the dates are concerned, and it goes on well after their society crumbled, and then just stops. On 12-21-2012. I remember reading about this when I was a kid, and gave it little thought. My lack of concern for my own well being was based on two things. The first being that if the Mayans were so smart, and could predict the future, they would have seen the Spaniards coming to wipe them out, and bush wacked them, just as they hit shore, which since there is no more Mayan’s…well, you do the math on that one. The second one, was the fact that I could do nothing about it anyway. (editors note: I had not developed a dis-trust of mexicans yet, so there was no third reason)
Anywho, the more I watch late night television, the more of these shows I see. In fact, these shows have tought me that several other cultures, may have this same date pegged as the end of the world. Worse yet, the ever-helpful Nostradamus, has this as one of his 39 or so days the world will end too. That guy is like 7 for 5087 on predictions (depending on whom you listen to), he has to be right.
Clearly we’re doomed!
At first, I was petrified of what was coming. I have barely even started my bucket list, and the end is already nigh! 
I resisted the urge to wake everyone I knew, and warn them of the end. Instead, I kept watching, until I had heard every theory, about all these predictions, from some very intelligent people with pony-tails. Everything from WWII, to the Indonesian Tsunami has been tied into these predictions, and apparently are a sign of things to come. Pretty much everything that has ever happened that was vaguely shitty, can be tied to the 12-21-2012 prophecies.
Worse yet, they tell us how (maybe) the world will end. Asteroids, Volcanoes, Floods, Universal Health-care, you name it, it may happen. One of my fave’s, is that the earth’s poles will shift. I like this one simply because the phrase “shifting poles” makes me laugh, and if this does happen, according to the globe on the History Channel, Ohio will be a tropical paradise, which is just fine with me.
The part that worries me the most, is not my impending doom. (recent studies have shown there is almost an 80% percent chance I will die someday anyway) instead, I worry not about perishing on 12-21-2012, but instead having to live on a planet filled with retards. Sure, if this is true, it saddens me to think what this means for my young son. I may buy him a hooker on 12-20-2012, just to be safe, as he will be the ripe ole age of 4 by then anyway.
How is it that all these people, with PHD’s can come up with all these theories about why the Mayan calendar just inexplicably stops on 12-21-2012, and nobody ever considers that the dude who made the calendar, having completed his work for the next 6,000 years, went fishing? I mean, is it that hard to imagine, that since this Mayan guy, who got picked to be the one who made their calendars, decided that he had gone well above what was expected of him (he did complete his next several thousands years worth of work). What was the life expectancy of a Mayan, like 27 years? I mean, if I get all my work for the week done by Tuesday, you can pretty well count on me blowing off Friday. Who’s to say after this guy finished a thousand or years worth of Calendars, he didn’t go back to college, become a teacher, or take part in one of those “human sacrifices” all the villagers were raving about? Maybe he just bribed the dude who worked beside him, to hand in his “new” calendar on the last day of the year, and he just went drinkin’.
It’s safe to say, the dude went well above his job description in making all those years worth of Calendars. What’s not to say he didn’t work himself out of a job. I figure if I accomplish everything I could possibly accomplish in the next 10,000 years, all in just a month or so, I’m getting a thank you, and a pink slip. Why pay the salary for some dude, if the work is already done?
Is it that big of a stretch to think that maybe the guy got tired of making calendars, and went out, had a few beers, and got laid? Maybe he hooked up with the chiefs wife, and got his head cut off for it.
It was Mexico after all. I can think of nothing worse, than having to make calendars that nobody will use for centuries, all while having constant diarrhea. Didn’t the Mayan’s play soccer to the death? Maybe the mayan guy in the cubicle next to him invited him to play soccer one weekend, and he lost.
Maybe they outsourced the Calendar making to India.
Who knows. All we can do, is sit back,wait for more crazy theories to come out, so we have something to watch late at night (unless you have cinemax). Maybe we could riot a little, have some orgies, or make our peace with God. I know what I’ll be doing.
My little brother’s Birthday is the day after the alleged end of days date. I’ll be telling him about how I bought him the greatest Birthday gift of all time, and hoping that the stupid Mayans were right all along.
That, or the orgy.

Save The Newspaper

September 22, 2009

I was reminded of one of the sad swings our society is taking these days, during a recent Reds game. They were honoring longtime Dayton Daily News beat writer Hal McCoy. McCoy is a Hall-of-fame writer, and his paper is cutting staff. So much, that they may only do the “print” version on Sundays in the future, to save cash.
This is a sad time for America. Many other Newspapers have done the same, or even closed down entirely. Ann Arbor, recently became the first big city to lose it’s only Newspaper. Ann Arbor is kind of a focal point in all this, just to see how everything gets handled. We should all note however, Ann Arbor is full of dirty hippies, and hippies have no money, so they can’t buy papers anyway.
Nowadays, people are “too busy” for Newspapers. Everyone gets their news from what they see on the MSN, or Yahoo homepages, and highly credible websites like this one. It’s all free online in most cases, which is both good and bad. Good, obviously cause it’s free. Bad, because it’s driving Americans further away from any social interaction, and is killing newspapers, and credible jouranlists.
Websites, may be free, but generally lack the standards, credibility, or trust that Newspapers can have. Print Journalists, who write most of the stories you see free online, give a credibility you don’t find online.
When the New York Times breaks a story, you think of it as the truth, opinionated or not. When Yahoo.com breaks a story, you figure one of two things. They either just used a real Newspapers story, or it might not be true. Print Journalists have to answer to decades of standards, and to their peers. This is not the case with online writers. Print guys are often part of their community, and put a face with their name. Online guys, are the wastes of life you see sitting at starbucks all day, typing on a laptop.
Who will hold our elected, and public figures accountable without Newspapers?
Reading a newspaper, gives you something a laptop never could. Comfort. Every Sunday, I like to kill a pot of coffee, and browse through the paper. I show my son the pictures, and we practice reading, and I can even take the paper into the bathroom with me. Anyone who takes a laptop into the can with them, needs to just go ahead and register as a sex offender.
People wo get all the news online, are just missing out. We’re forgetting how to function under social norms, partly due to this. People who sit, and stare at a computer all day, and then do the same at night for fun, are quickly forgetting how to interact in society. There is little worse, than being in a room with someone who is on their computer the whole time, just surfing, and popping in and out of the conversation. It’s the social equivalent of hanging out with coke-heads. It takes away from how we’ve been designed to function.
No Newspapers also presents a lot of what I like to call collateral damage. What is your grandmother going to wrap her presents in, without the Sunday comics? Can you wrap a gift with yahoo.com?
Kidnappers, will also become innocent victims if we lose our Newspapers. I’ve never kidnapped anyone, but I do see a shitload of movies. In them, the kidnappers always take a picture of the hostage holding a copy of that days paper. It’s what they call “proof of life”. So will our kidnappers have to make the hostage stand there and hold up that days MSN homepage? It’d be all blury in the picture, there’d be no way to tell if they are still alive. 
Who will have any time for important things like porn, and stealing music, if they are wasting their internet time reading about Darfur?
What if there were no papers in the past, and mankind just got by with todays tech. Would we have images ingrained in our minds of some little kid on the sidewalk holding up his blackberry to show the headline ‘JAPS BOMB PEARL HARBOR!’ Would Paul Revere just have texted the following to his comrades to warn them of the British invasion… BRITS CMNG…BY LND…OMG? Would our founding fathers have used a chain mail to pass around and stoke the fire of revolution, instead of the famous pamphlet ‘Common Sense’? This doesn’t even get into all the iconic Sports Headlines, and images, framed in households across the country.
‘America, do us all a favor, and buy a newspaper from time to time. You’d be surprised just how cool they really are. If you don’t, you may be getting your news from someone like me in the very near future.

Poll fever

September 21, 2009

The new college football polls are out!
I’m so excited, and not because my team has already lost once.
No, I love checking the polls, just to see how retarded the people who have a say in them really are. For something that actually has a major stake in deciding who gets to play for a lucrative national title, it is the most ill-conceived system around. As much as anyone wants to bash the BCS system, the polls are that much worse. At least the BCS ranking wait until at least a third of the season is in before they start their rankings. At least the BCS waits until some of the teams they have to pick between, has played each other. The worst thing about the BCS, is they use these polls to make up part of their final results.
I’m not saying people who are biased for, or against a team, or only sees a handful of games, and maybe a few choice highlights, who has no idea just how good that teams opponents are, or what went into the game itself is a bad process. Just that it should wait until at least halfway through the season before they unleash their insanity on the college football world.
Does anyone out there really think that Boise State is better than USC?
It may mean little now, but what if these teams win out, and the knee-jerk reaction of the pollsters costs a team with a legitimate shot at the title, a shot at the title? I know Miami won again, but who have they beat, and if the very people that are telling us they are as good as they are ranked now, were the same ones who just a couple weeks ago, didn’t think they should be ranked at all, why should we believe them?
These same genius’, up until a few days ago, thought a team full of Mormons was a top ten squad.
If college football wants to avoid the endless debates about how fair the BCS is, and how to fix it, they need to find the simplest solution, and do away with the polls. Not entirely, just at least until October. They could also have simple guidelines, such as anyone who voted Notre Dame into the top 25 after they beat Nevada, never gets to vote again, and no more dropping a team that won, just because they won a close game.
Delaying the polls until everyone has played at least one tough team, will do away with the knee jerk reactions, like the one that shot Oklahoma State towards the top, and the one that caused USC to plummet after they lost on a last second field goal, on the road, with their starting QB, best receiver, best running back all on the sidelines with injuries.
That, and the whole Mormon thing.

Chris needs a lawyer!

September 20, 2009

My world, has been turned upside down.
My Bengals Defense stepped up, and held on long enough, to give me a little bit of sanity, in this tough time. A much needed win, gets the monkey off of my Bengals back. Ocho did a Lambaeu Leap. My all Bengals fantasy team actually won a game. My huge gamble in my survivor league payed off, as the Redskins hung on. I wanted to save the Vikings for when I really needed them, and I didn’t want to pick on the Lions for the 18th straight week. Hell, I even came home with a huge thing of left-over roast beef. Life was pretty good.
And that’s when it happened.
During the halftime show of the Cowboys/Giants game on NBC (which they botched time wise), I saw everything I have worked so hard for, stolen right out from under me.
They did a teaser promo for what they called the “2nd edition” (did not watch last sunday nights game, due to the fact I was trying to learn how to tie a proper noose out of an old Kijana Carter jersey) of “Great Moments In Tailgating History”.
Those rat bastards! My head was spinning with rage. My baby, my creative creation, my mark on history, blatantly stolen away from me. The worst part was, it was supposed to be about Chicken wings, my favorite. At this point, they weren’t just stealing my work, they were rubbing my nose in it. The sick bastards didn’t even do the piece, as they ran out of time, since they had to do an interview with the recently retired John Madden, about being retired.
If you are new to the site, or do a lot of drugs/heavy drinking, all last year, (my first as a blogger) I did weekly (more or less) segments titled, Great Moments in Tailgating History. I did stories of my own tailgating glory, pictures, and videos of great tailgating moments from around the world, and brought this great tradition into focus for the dozens of people who visit this site. it was some of my best work. I even had other websites, some based solely on tailgating, post stories about my site, and links to my Great Moments In Tailgating History segments whenever I posted one. I even have several left-over ones from last football season that didn’t make the cut, as well as some new ones, waiting in the fold.
Just type ‘Great Moments In Tailgating History’ into google, and see what happens. This is my baby, and they are trying to steal it from me. Now I know how Al Gore felt after those shitheads at CERN took credit for the internet.
I have no idea why NBC/GE, would stoop to this level, in this economy. They’re sticking it to the common man. Some time back, I posted a blog about them, because I was pissed off about something. I don’t remember what, but I was pretty pissed, and I think I may have slandered them a little bit.
Now, they’ve struck back, and I’m not going to take it sitting down.
I’m in the market for a good lawyer. After consulting one of the internets, I have discovered that Johnny Cochran is dead, which I think I knew, but either way, I’m at square one on the whole lawyer search thing.
No matter what, I will not let this go without a fight. What choice do I have? If I let them do this, what’s next? Gatorade coming out with a Tim Tebow’s urine flavor?
GE, NBC, Bob Costas, you’ve made a powerful enemy today.

Always Sunny

September 17, 2009

Make sure to check out ‘It’s ALways Sunny In Philadelphia’ Tonight (thursday) at 10:00, and 11:00 on FX. It’s the hands down best show on television, and somehow there are people who have still never seen it. Do your self a favor, and watch. The first two episodes of the season, are often the best, so tune in.

Kanye West, is a gay fish

September 16, 2009

I have yet to see the now infamous Kanye West tirade at the MTV retard awards, or whatever it was. I kind of pride myself on living a life nearly completely devoid of MTV, and even Kanye West. I’ve heard bits and pieces explained by people on various radio shows, and have read the headlines on my MSN homepage. From all this, I think I may be enough of an expert to explain what is going on here.
Kanye, like’s fish dicks, thus making him a gay fish. He is also a dickhead, a douche bag, and a turd sandwich of a person. He’s self promoting, ignorant, and basically retarded. He has no actual purpose on this planet, and has contributed nothing to mankind, other than horrible music, and the occasional conversation piece from his latest childish acts.
I think that pretty well sums it up.
I’ve heard people are taking his songs off their I-pod. These people have also wasted our oxygen their entire life, and deserve to be kicked in the junk. Nobody should have Kanye west music on their ipod. I’ve seen people defend Kanye, because MTV is racist. Seeing as how MTV is the least credible thing I can think of, being offended by that networks views as a whole, should also result in a junk kicking.
Make no mistake. kanye West, has yet to come even within smelling distance of creating music that could be considered, creative, original, or even not-horrible.
So why do people care what he says or does? Why, when he takes the time to self promote, or show-off his ignorance, do people get offended? Do we do the same when Paris Hilton says something stupid? You don’t get mad at a prostitute for having sex, so why would anyone get mad at a Jackass for doing something stupid?
Lets also not get too worked up about whatever President Obama called him. I got to go with the Pres on this one. Kanye could be called a lot worse than a Jackass.
So Kanye, here’s to you, you horrible, horrible, excuse for a human. May we never have to see your fat-head, or hear your God-awful music again.

Help Wanted:

September 15, 2009

I find myself in a strange spot on this one. I’ve always been the kind of guy to find a way to do everything myself. If I don’t know how to do it, I either figure it out, or buy some beer and have someone show me.
I always hate having other people do things for me. I often find out about halfway through, that I could have saved myself some money, and did it pretty close to as good as the guy I just paid to do it.
The only times I ever have someone else do something for me around the house is when I either have no clue how to do it, have far less time than it would take to do it, or lack a crucial tool for the job.
Some things, like mechanical repairs to the washing machine, or furnace, I have to sub-out to the pro’s. Usually this happens after I have “tinkered” with it myself. Sometimes making the repair more expensive than had I just left it alone.
So now, I find myself in a situation I try to avoid at all costs. I have a job to do around the house, that I just cannot, under any circumstance do myself. This particular job, I know I could do, if I absolutely had to. I have all the necessary stuff that it would take to do. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I refuse.
You see, I’ve come to the conclusion that my curbside garbage container, is the smelliest garbage can of all time. The 2nd smelliest garbage can, is way back in this things rearview mirror. Nothing has happened recently to make this the stankiest garbage can in the universe, it’s been building for some time now.
Garbage is in itself, nasty. However, our garbage, seems to top all in this field. My big green garbage tub, is quite possibly the least fortunate thing on wheels. It gets the usual garbage, that all household containers see, and then whole new kind of stank. Bags of dog waste straight from the pooper scooper, and there is a lot of it. Dirty (and I mean dirty) diapers. the contents of a cats litter box, and God knows what else. I think it’s also been puked in recently. All this stuff sits in there for up to a week or so, just baking in the sun. We had to evict it from the garage when the diapers started getting bad.
There’s about a 12 foot perimeter of stank following this thing, and it’s getting tough to stand while rolling it to the curb every week. I’m worried they might stop taking it’s contents off my hands.
It needs cleaned. Like, a month ago.
I’ve cleaned it out in the past, when it was what I thought was “real bad”. This just involved me wheeling it in the backyard, and going at it with a hose, some bleach, and a few cold beers. It was a thing of beauty for a week or so.
It’s current state however, is a whole nother beast. I can’t bring myself to do this. I can barely stand to open it, to throw more stuff into it. I’d light it on fire, and run away, but that would involve opening it. I can’t risk it. I need help.
So I’m offering anyone out there who is either interested, needs money/beer, or has no pride whatsoever, a chance to help me out. I’ll give $100, plus a delicious 12 pack of Pabst blue Ribbon beer, to whomever can clean out my curbside garbage bin.
I don’t care how you do it, what you use, or if you just sub it out to a bunch of Mexicans. I just need it done, and I need it done fast.
If anybody is interested, apply within.