Chompers!

October 31, 2008

What a great week it has been for my 7 month old son. First, he came home with his first “accident” report from daycare. Just when you think you’ve pondered all the bad things that can happen to a baby on any given day, look at a sheet a lawyer drew up, and you’ll see your imagination has only scratched the surface of what you need to worry about. There was all kinds of crazy things on there, some of which, I’m not sure I could have dreamt up, so that must mean they have happened before. Basically, if anything slightly bad happens to your child, they have to fill out a form, explaining every detail of the incident, just to cover their asses. In this letigious society, it’s got to be expected. Dylan’s accident was pretty minor. He apparently decided he was going to lunge for something well out of his reach, and of course his forehead blocked his fall. In the report, it said what time it happened, what room, what exactly happened, childs reaction, caregiver’s reaction, and treatment, and the names of everyone involved. It’s kind of like the game Clue, had it been designed by lawyers. Dylan was of course fine, he had a decent red bump on his dome, but it was gone by the next day. His problem is, he forgets that he can’t walk, or really crawl well, and often times he wants to travel much farther than his abillities allow him, and down he goes. He’s a boy, it happens, and he toughs it out. After reading the official accident report, and what they term as an “accident”, I’ve been reminded of the stark differences in what adults, and children consider accidents. I bump my head all the time on stuff. Pretty much everytime I have to crawl under my desk to unplug/re-plug the internet wire, I get a new bump. I don’t think twice about it. For a baby, this is serious business. Dylan, pees, and poops in his pants several times a day, and nobody thinks twice. When I do it (0 incidents in the last 8 months) People make fun of me. Life can be cruel.

Bumping his head seems to have jump started his development. It sounds weird, but he’s aged dramatically since then. Yesterday, he said his first words. DaDa of course. This morning, he had sprouted his first toothe. That’s right, we are starting to get teeth. We should be eating ribs by Christmas time. It’s the front right toothe on the bottom, for anyone who was wondering. Right now, he looks like a hockey player, which is awesome. Obviously, not a very good hockey player, since he just has the one toothe, but a hockey player none the less. All his hard work has made him a little tired though. Tonight he napped all the way through Trick-or-treat. We had no plans to take him out, even with the one toothe, candy would be a little pointless. We did plan on having him pass out candy, and he even had a little tiger outfit to wear. Maybe he was just tired, maybe it was the embarrasment that is the Bengals season, but Dylan pretty much skipped his first Halloween. Oh well, next year he should be old enough to egg houses with his old man.

I however, passed out candy, and noticed a few things about Trick-or-treat that othered me. First, a lot of Adults dress up and follow their kids around. Parents aren’t supposed to dress up for Trick-or-Treat, they are supposed to dress up for sexy adult parties, but not to get candy. They are supposed to follow their kids around, giving dissaproving glances to all the neighbors who are giving their kids candy, which they will later threaten to take away. I also noticed, once again, that some kids are way too old to be going door to door getting candy. My wife controlled the candy flow, otherwise I would have been forced to reject quite a few kids this year. One girl was on a cell phone while she got her candy. She was like “…hang on, ‘Trick-or-Treat’, Okay I’m back…” What the hell was that all about. I know kids wine, and parents give in, and kids are getting cell phones at really early ages, but if you have a cell phone, no more Trick-or-Treat. Also if you have wiskers, or boobs, no candy for you. It’s one or the other. Parents, show your kids how bad it sucks to get old. Don’t let them have it both ways. I would love to have a recess to go play football twice every day, and I would love to have sex with a chick at night. I only get to do the one. It’s part of getting old. We can buy ourselve’s beer, but we also have to pay taxes. Life’s a bitch. I also noticed a lot of kids (mostly too old) just mailed in the costume this year. If you are wearing the outfit you have to wear for your job, you should not be trying to score candy. Jeans, and a Dwight Howard jersey is not a costume. You wore that to school, it can’t count. And the pre-teens, in the waaay too short shorts, and little tee’s. I get your costume is a coed whore, but your parents are dropping the ball. I realize that you are dressing like a lot of college girls you saw down on campus at a Buckeye’s game, but sluts are not role model’s, be Dora or something, there will be a lot less teen pregnancies involved if you just be a kid. There will be plenty of time to dress like whores as adults, enjoy your childhood. Oh well, there was plenty of Darth Vader’s, and little buckeye players to counter all the nonsense that went around tonight. Next year, I won’t have to pass out candy, since the D man will be hitting the sidewalks. I will be the dude who sets out 9 pieces of candy in a huge bowl, and then puts up the “honor system” note, and pretends some bastards stole the rest.

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Predicting failure

October 30, 2008

My quest, for the Bengals to go 0-16, has hit a snag. Apparently, some of the inmates are fighting back. T.J. Houshmanzadeh issued a guarantee today. That the team would win at least two games. What the hell is he trying to prove. Two wins could get us the 5th pick this year. Has he not read my plan. I’ve been Fedex-ing cans of skyline chilli to Bill Cowher. Two wins is considered decent to Mike Brown, he might re-sign Marvin Lewis after 2 wins. I’ve looked at the schedule, I’ve seen all their games. It ain’t gonna happen, unless they face a team that benches everyone to rest up for the playoffs. As tight as the entire league is this year, nobody is going to be able to do that until at least week 16, more likely week 17. The Bengals play the Browns, and the Chiefs those games. Neither has much of a shot at the playoff’s. If Palmer comes back, hey cincy could win. What really disturbs me, is kinda under the surface of T.J’s words. First, there are 8 games left. Shouldn’t he, as a team leader, and one of the few remaining non-arrested/non-suspended/ talented players on the roster, be portraying some hope, some confidence to rally the troops. Shouldn’t he say, we can win the rest? What about, this team isn’t giving up yet? No. Just the two wins. That’s it. I can’t blame the guy for being a realist, but don’t be the guy who gauruntee’s a 2-14 season. If you read between the lines, he just said, “we will beat the Browns, and the Chiefs, and may beat the spread in one of the other games, but that’s it. Not exactly a becon of hope, but when you’re rooting for last place, it’s music to my ears.

Good to see the message boards are getting heated up. I especially like the personal attacks amongst my loyalists. Exxxxxcellent. It’s all falling into place now, soon the entire nation will be fighting amongst themselve’s, and I can sit back and watch. Keep it clean, it’s just an election, unless of course what you write about someone makes me laugh, then by all means, attack! Everyone needs to keep one thing in perspective. In able to run for President in this country, one has to be a total Dick, and worthless by almost all other standards. No matter what your political background, if you are reading this you are too young to have lived to see a good President. Sit back, enjoy the drama, hate the oppostition, and for God’s sake, vote Libertarian. And you better vote for the damned Casino.

Good news on the parenting front. Despite the obvious handi-cap, of being the parent without the boobs, I may have taken the lead. Of course, the human ear can sometimes hear what it wants to hear (like when somebody listens to the Beatles and thinks they are talented) but this morning, Dylan said Da Da. I am the Winner! Month’s of hard work, bribes, and a total lack of discipline, have springboarded me into the favorite parent role. My wife, claims that it was just jibberish, but I could see the jealousy in her eye’s. Those middle of the night breast feeding sessions just can’t compete with me being totally awesome. My wife has also made some slanderous comments, suggesting that the words Dada, is commonly the first words of many babies. She stated some “facts” about it being the easiest sounds for a baby to make, when trying to talk. The problem with “facts” is that more times than not, they don’t benefit my argument, so they should be ignored. I do have to admit, I was really expecting his first words to be “God Damn it Rudi” or “Fucking Chris Perry”. Oh well, in due time. In the end, he has an awesome mommy, and my days at the top will be numbered, but I, of course will gloat in the mean time.

Not to dwell too much on the whole, everything I love, or want is doomed thing. But about a week ago, I complained about political ads. I know there is no way they are going away, with record breaking spending, this final week should be nothing but. All I wanted was to keep them out of sports. But it’s now getting worse. Expecting my Phillies (whom I’ve rooted for, for well over 2 days now) to finally get a chance to close this thing out. Instead i get a 30 minute long Obama commercial. Really? Is that necessary? Why not take the money spent on this campaign, and buy New Orleans or something. I especially like the parts where the candidates rip their opposing party, repeatedly, then tell us how they will be bipartisan. Just give us baseball, and shut the hell up. All candidates, have the decency to stay out of sports programming.

My real concern’s for America run much deeper. Within the past week, I have had a cold, and installed a battery back-up sump pump. Because of these two things, I bought cold medicine, and battery acid aka sulfuric acid. I was forced to present identification at the time of purchase for one of these items. Which do you think it was. The small box of cold medicine? Or, the 1 gallon of sulfuric acid? That’s right, America has finally gotten so fucked up, that anyone can buy sulfuric acid, but you need a drivers license to buy cold medicine. I realize, we are pumping put meth labs left and right, and meth heads use cold medicine to make their goods, but do we need to card dudes buying one box of Dayquil? If someone needs to get a buzz so bad, that they need to go and buy cold medicine one box at a time, at several stores, just to make enough meth to get high, I say let them do it. They show dedication and ingenuity. Perhaps the only thing worse than a country that cards it’s citizens who try to buy cold medicine, is a country that lets a person like me buy sulfuric acid, and doesn’t think twice. I pee in people’s drinks. A lot. Now I know I can buy sulfuric acid at Lowe’s. Imagine the possibillities for revenge whenever anyone pisses me off, or just bothers me. Go ahead you bastards, say something about my Buckeye’s now.

Victory!

October 28, 2008

Let me be the first to say, my Phillies got screwed. The rules clearly state, that if the game is past the middle of the fifth, and the conditions do not allow the game to be finished, whomever is winning at the time the game is postponed, is the victor. The phillies were winning. Right. It had been raining for hours, right? The field was completely un-playable, and there was no point going on. Right? So why are we waiting, a day, then two days, to play 3 innings af baseball? I had put my heart and soul, into rooting for the phillies. Some of us have been Phillies fans for almost an entire day, now we have to wait? How long must our drought last? This can only mean one thing. I am the most powerful person alive. 24 hours ago, when I jumped ship, from the Rays, to the Phillies, the series was all but over. Philadelphia was going to taste victory, everything was going their way, and then. I started rooting for them. It has become quite obvious, that by me just cheering for a team, is a death sentence. Clearly, I have some magical powers that effect everything. I say the superbowl is going to be a joke, to take New England, and the over. New York Wins. I say take OSU, they fall to pieces. I pick the Tigers to win it all. They suck. I say they are going to beat the Diamondbacks in the series, Arizona never even makes the playoffs (they cursed themselves the second Adam Dunn put on that uniform). The Dodgers, steamroll the cubs, and I pull for them, out in 5 games. A week ago I start rooting for Tampa, their bats go cold. Pretty much everyhthing I touch goes to shit. I am hereby whoring myself out to both Obama, and McCain. I have a favorite already, but am willing to vote for the other person, just to get them to lose. Which ever candidate, or his supporters present me with the best offer, I will vote for the other guy, assuring a defeat. It’s not like I started rooting for Philly, and they merely lost. The game turned into a slop bucket, the rays tied it up at the last possible playable second, and then the game was suspended. And the suspended again. The main goal was to prolong the series, and now it will go on at least til wednesday. A world series has never been suspended before. Clearly, I suck so bad, that anything I pull for is doomed. It’s not looking real good for the McRib right about now. Oh well, at least my three new favorite sports teams are in for a big finish to their season. Alabama, Penn State, and the Dallas Cowboys. I love those bastards, and am going to root for them now.

Save Our Casino

October 27, 2008

People lets make this real simple. Take out all the tax questions, all the intangibles behind both sides of the story for whether or not Ohio can get a Casino. Forget everything you have read, or seen on t.v. It comes down to one simple question. Are you a dickhead? If so, then by all means vote against my Casino. If not, vote YES on issue 6 in Ohio. The fact of the matter is this, almost anyone who will vote against the Casino, has no plans to ever go to it, if it opens. It’s like letting married people vote as to whether or not single folks can get laid. Do the world a favor, and give us a Casino. Just over an hour from Columbus, just under an hour from cincy, it’s perfect. For those who still have questions, I’m ready to set you straight.

The commercials against it are using a lot of “confusing” words. By confusing I mean taking advantage of the fact that 90% of our population is retarded. They say things like, “a loop hole that could make the casino have a tax rate of 0%. First off, the “loop hole” is that the Casino will only ever have to pay the same tax rate as any other new casino in Ohio. If that Casino has a tax rate of zero, then so would this one. In able for the 2nd casino (which is nowhere in sight) to have to pay a 0% tax rate, you would have to vote on it in the future. Even if the Casino pays no taxes, that’s the exact same ammount that all of our non-existent casino’s are paying, so who gets hurt there? If they pay no taxes, the drinks will be cheaper, and they will have more money for things like an awesome golf course, better restraunts, hotel rooms, and better entertainment. Right now the big draws coming to central Ohio are Reba Mcentire with Kelly Clarkson, and Larry the Cable guy. I’m not even going to make jokes about that. They also use terms like “having to ammend the constitution”. The Ohio revised code has a law banning casino’s, the only way to change that is to……ammend the constitution. They also say horrible things like “out of state Casino operators”. Again, since casino’s are banned in Ohio, they kinda have to be from out of state.

The opponents also laid out a list in the newspaper, why the casino is bad. here they are, and the reason’s they are retarded.

1. It will take away from lottery money, which helps pay for schools. – The lottery is a voluntary tax on the stupid, don’t waste your money anyway. Spend it on blackjack, at least you get a few free drinks from that, so it’s kind of a wash. Very little of that money goes to the schools anyway, most of it gets pilleged on great ideas like “rare coin” scandals and douche baggery. Besides, if the schools all get that much worse, because they lose out on the “trillions” of lottery dollars, the crappy students can get jobs at the new casino’s.

2. It will lead to more gambling addicts: If you are on the edge of becoming a gambling addict, you are already screwed, and will blow all your money on scratch off tickets, sporting events, and bingo games anyway. People can chose whether or not to become addicted to things, and they can chose to overcome it as well. That is the difference between fake diseases, often ending in “isms” and real diseases like cancer, and crabs. People who are addicted to legal gambling, can only lose money they have. People who are addicted to illegal gambling, can lose all kinds of shit. Bookies can use all kinds of good things for credit and collateral, that casino’s can’t. So the casino wins out on that one as well.

3. It will take away money from surrounding businesses. There aren’t any, so who cares. All that is there, is a semi dealership, and the only wendy’s that still serves the Big Bacon Classic, which as long as it stays that way, can’t be touched by anyone.

4. It will lower the standards of living in the whole area. Yes. giving the backwards rednecks of this part of the state employment, and entertainment would be horrible. Imagine the effects of all those meth labs that would go un-attended, and all those lot lizzards at the local truck stop that would have to compete for the handjob market.

5. The casino operator has a casino that went bankrupt! : hold on I’ll type some stuff about this issue, as soon as I am done watching my favorite T.V. show. The Apprentice. How many times has that butthole Donald Trump’s casino gone bankrupt? How many times has most of his other businesses gone bankrupt? We still give him a show, and pretend that he’s the greates business mind of all time, even though he owes more people money than a travel agency in Columbus OH that sold “early bird” rates to the BCS title game. That dude has screwed over more working men than NAFTA. So one of this guys casino’s’ went out of business. Didn’t we just drop about 700 billion in tax money to companies that were urged by our own government to give loans to people with bad credit? Isn’t one of the big issues in the elections, how we can help out struggling companies? So he was booted from the stock exchange? If you take about an 8 minute lesson on investing, or financing, you’ll see that about 5,000 people who did a whole lot worse, either just got their asses saved, or are about to, by our tax dollars. Come on people there’s lots of shady business guys out there, most of the candidates we will elect have benefitted from a lot of them, we can’t single this dude out. Plus the guy who will own the casino is named Lyle. How can you not trust a dude named Lyle? I used to go to a barber named Lyle (after vern died). I’m yet to find a guy who cuts my hair as well as him, and Lyle Alzedo was awesome as well. Really, when it all comes down to it, the owner of this Casino reminds me a lot of a young, ‘Joe the Plumber’.

I hope this answers all your questions everyone. Vote yes on issue 6, for a far less crappy Ohio!

Operation Reverse Psychology

October 27, 2008

It’s pretty clear, that my rooting for a team, or betting on them, is a sure fire way for them to lose, usually in dramatic fashion. With the Baseball season in danger of ending way to soon, thus limiting weeknight televised sports to NBA (most worthless regular season ever), and NHL (too hard to watch neutral teams when not in HD), I’ve decided to take drastic measures. I am jumping off the Rays bandwagon, and am pledging my full support to the Phillies. Not just the Phillies either, all things philly from here on out. If I go to Penn Station for a sub, no more italian sub (best ever) I gotta go cheese steak. I might buy an Eagles T.O. jersey on ebay, and maybe even an old Iverson jersey. The day after thanksgiving, I’ll go to the mall, and drill santa clause with a sno-ball. I might even pretend I’m Andy Reids son, and wave a gun at people on the highway, while my brother hides drugs all over the house. This has to work. It’s the only way we can make the world series go to at least 6 games. Here we go Phillies, I’m pulling for you.

Though this plan will work for baseball, I still have yet to figure out what to do in my NFL survivor league. Again I am still alive, no blemishes thus far, but this is usually where I slip up. It’s not that I can’t guess who a different winner will be each week. The problem is, I don’t know which team to pick against anymore. The Lions, and the Bengals equally suck, but one of them is gonna win at some point, and it scares me. I’ve had to use up all the 1st place teams, and have no faith in Buffalo, or New England. Basically from here on out, I gotta pick against Cincy, and Detroit every week, and pray that I guess right each week. In the NFL, everyone wins at least once, right? Are they both really that shitty? Which one will face a team of guys who all figured they would have an easy win, and got hookers the night before? It always happens, look at teams like the chiefs, the raiders, the Rams. They suck, but still won games. All I can do, is keep betting against Cincy, and pray for that number 1 pick. It would solve 2 problems.

Now What?

October 26, 2008

My apologies to anyone who rode my gambling hot streak to a firey end. That’s why I don’t bet on my favorite team, now I remember. Bet against them sure (thanks Bengals), but never against. The heartache is that much worse. It was right there in sight for the Buckeyes, mere inches away. Chris Wells was Picking up steam, pounding them down the field, and then it happened. The fumble that changed everything. We went from running out the clock (literally) to trying to scrap out a victory in the final seconds. I still stand by my quarterbacks named Darryl theory, and I will continue to bet against them in big games. The problem is PSU plays nobody until their bowl game, and OSU, clearly not following my advice, knocked the QB named Darryl clean out of the game. That was our best weapon. The opponents quarterback, being a worthless turd in quarterbacks clothing, and we blew it. Oh well, it was a great game, If it wasn’t for the whole losing, and freezing my nuts off thing, it would have been perfect. Before any worthless jackass fans who’s football knowledge is limited to X-box football games, and what ESPN tells them can say “OSU sucks” or anything like that. Remember this. IF Pryor does not fumble that ball, OSU wins. In fact, he very well might have went 50 yards for a TD, and it would have been a route. In the end, he did fumble it, PSU made it count. That Running Back is the real deal, and the Big Ten has some hope left for Bowl Game redemption. It was nice to see a defensive game like that. Some huge hits for both sides, and a great atmosphere. I do have to say, I loved hearing my fellow OSU fans on the way out claim that we should have put Boekman in on the last drive. Yup that works every time. Put in a scorned senior, who has crumbled under pressure in the past, with just over a minute left, down 7, after not having played in basically 6 weeks. That would have won it for sure. I realize, there are a lot of retarded fans out there, but can we just make a rule. Keep it to yourself. Penn States pass rush would have destroyed Todd Boekman. Pryor being able to move was the only reason the game was even close, he is not to be blamed. Our line sucks, really bad, and that’s fine. Our defense was up to the task, had their Rb not played like Barry Sanders, and the QB named Darryl stayed in the game, OSU would have won.

I’m over OSU losing, what really has me irked is the upcoming elections. I try to not get political on the blog, I even try to avoid anything serious. However, the way things are shaping up, I have to voice my opinion. I’m not gonna endorse a candidate (although there is one person I think is a worthless douche who is pulling the wool over the eyes of americans). I’ll stay away from that (even though the bastard judge who convicted Pete Rose is up for office in Ohio, and anyone who votes for him is a butthole). What really has me going, is the Casino. I need a day or two to really shape up my arguments, so they will be so convincing that anyone who reads it has no choice, but to vote yes on issue 6. All I have to say today is this. If the casino ammendment fails to pass, I will ask anyone I meet, whether or not they voted for it. If you answer no, I will kick you in the balls, or punch you in the face, depending on your gender.

Sometimes, we just take it a little too far. Football is a wonderful game, and fans should enjoy every chance they get to support their team. Whether it be College, or Pro. Football fans, live and die with their team. not every game is a win. Not every season is a success, but those who tailgate, enjoy the ride better than anyone. Sometimes, the passion bleeds over. Out of the stadium, out of the parking lot, and into everday life. True fans, take their football seriously, and that goes ten-fold for rivalries. One set of rivals, is the texas Longhorns, and the Oklahoma Sooners. Both teams share a border, and their fans, integrate into eachothers state. Sooner fans live all over Texas. Longhorn fans all over Oklahoma. Like most great rivalries, the intensity lives on year round. Sometimes, the tailgating atmosphere, of protecting ones turf, happens in well before the actual game, and sometimes, people get hurt. http://www.nbc5i.com/sports/13968715/detail.html?better_headline 

More times than not, the fans getting out of hand, goes down a little closer to game time. The moments leading up to kickoff, can be intense, to say the least. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDiRPUiQZHc I admit, I enjoy lude behavior, but there is a time when I draw the line. Ganging up on Ohio State fans, or any fans for that matter, and wasting beer at a tailgate. I know, Penn State fans are all godless Quaker Homo’s. I know the glory days of PSU football went out years before joe Paterno Shit his pants during an OSU game. But, that last video left a bad taste in my mouth. Not as bad of a taste that ends up in the mouth’s of most Penn State fans at the end of the night, but bad none the less. Apparently strength in numbers is the only thing PSU tailgaters have going for them. Check out these bad asses. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1vmLXHdq2I It’s not just the fans either.  Apparently the last time Ohio States Band went to Penn State, the fans, and Penn State’s band members threw bags of urine on The Best Damn Band In The Land. But anygood tailgater, or anyone who watches college football, knows how that day ended. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuuqEmK9c00

let down

October 23, 2008

I gotta say I’ve been a little let down by folks lately. I thought we were done calling out people for miss-spellings, or poor sentence structure. Most of us know each other, and can bring up a lot better shit than someones lack of proper punctuation. In the previous days posting (message boards), some things were written, that may have missed a comma, or two. Take a look, see if you can still get the jist of what was said. Also feel free to take the special “ctgobucks certified reading test”. If you pass, feel free to come aboard. Read yesterdays message board and see for yourself. If nobody else can read it then I will bash along with you. As one who is too lazy to spellcheck in most cases, I take offense to people being the “helpfull editors” of life.Come on folks, rise above it. Call people out for cooler stuff than that. But if you do it in a funny way it’s cool with me. What has gotten me down, is when you trust someone, and they completely screw you over. Recently I was on the phone with a friend, who was at the Burger King Drive-thru. He ordered the “American” chicken sandwich, which I am sure was delivered, prepared, and served by 0 American citizens. I tried to convince him the Italian chicken sandich was far superior, but he rebuffed. He was so strong with his argument, that today, I visited a Burger King, and against my better judgement, ordered the American Chicken sandwich. What a total piece-o-crap that sandwich is. Jitsue-you owe me 4 dollars, plus mental anguish pay. The regular chicken sandwich is so much better than that travesty of a meal. If you’ve never had the American chicken sandwich, keep it that way. This thing gives America a bad name, even more so than Madonna, or Grey’s Anatomy. The Italian version with it’s fake marinara sauce, and flavorless cheese is a much safer route. Remember when BK had a third country represented? They used to have the French chicken sandwich. It had old ham, and fake gruyere cheese, but was 94 times better than the American version. I really hope the King brings it back into circulation, and really, really hope they didn’t get rid of it because people from France said mean things about us like 5 years ago. Just to be safe, I am imposing a boycott of Burger King. Jitsu- I will give you a hall pass this time, since you did find a wendy’s that still carries the Big Bacon classic. Don’t get me started on them getting rid of that.

Fall Classics

October 22, 2008

One of the greatest time’s of the year is upon us. Middle of October, the leave’s are changing, the air is a little crisper, football is in full swing, and the baseball season comes to an end. It also means dozens of little bastards trying to take my candy. I’m not sure if trick-or-treat in my neighborhood is thursday or friday, but I can feel it coming. It looms there, taunting me. The one little dude on my left shoulder telling me how fun it is for all the kids to get candy from strangers, and passing out candy is my civic duty. The little dude on my right shoulder, is way more fun to listen to. He tells me “screw those kids, if they want candy they can get a job”. I finally gave in and tore into a bag of mini-snickers my wife “told” me not to eat. It’s cute how naive she is, but I know she wants me to have that candy. If she really didn’t want me to buy it, she would have bought shittier candy. You get a big bag of mini-packs of sweet-tarts, or some craisin’s, I’ll avoif it like it the plague. I’ll give in and pass out candy again, but I won’t be happy about it. This year I am gonna be more strict with the candy passing out. I let the little kids take what they want, but I need to be more stern with the older kids. If you are taller than me, have fun egging my truck, because you are getting shut out. If you are cute, or handi-capped, my heart goes out to you, and you can rob me blind, take what you want. Some kids though, are too damn old to be trick-or-treating. They need to realize they are going to grow up to be tool bags, and that they need to give it up. We need to have strict guidelines for when kids have to stop going door to door asking for candy. My method is if they are taller than me, or they drove there, tough shit. I do have a soft spot in my heart for the little guys though. Last year I loaded up a few select youngster’s. The kid in the full Blue Jacket’s uni, complete with blood, black-eye, and missing tooth got a shitload, and Optimist Prime, Bengals player, and Darth Vader all scored biug time at my house. I may give in and do something for the older kids. Maybe I can pass out playboy’s or something.

The World Series is upon us. Last year at this time I was painting what is now my son’s bedroom, listening to OSU talk radio, and the World Series. Ah memories. This World Series is already certain to be better, having no Red Sox. I’m pulling for the Rays. They are the feel good story of the year, blah, blah, blah. I hate it when people say things are “feel good” stories. I bet if people who say that, ever got laid, or took a really big dump, they would have a more realistic view as to what “feels good”. No the real reason I am pulling for Tampa, is a year ago they sucked really, really, bad, and I just so happen to be a fan of another team that sucks, really, really, bad. The Cincinnati Reds. Can we be the Rays of ’09? Doubt it, but a boy can dream. If Philly wins, that’s cool also, I just want a good series, close games, hopefully even going to game 7. Besides, it’s always sunny in Philadelphia. Which is the best show on t.v. thursday at 10:00 on FX.