There you have it.

September 24, 2008

There has been some clamoring on the message boards about too much emphasis on talking about shitty Ohio football teams, and not enough Who Would You Rather Bang? debates. After doing some soul searching, I asked myself, ‘why not both’? I love my shitty Ohio sports teams, and I love talking about banging random famous people. Shouldn’t there be a way to do both? The answer is an astounding yes. At first I thought this would be a tough task finding famous people who could represent all the shitty Ohio teams, in a way that honors this blog. It didn’t take long for me to realize, that this could become an entire blog all of it’s own, dedicated to celebrities who root for shitty Ohio sports teams. So in the spirit of competition, and discussions of shitty Ohio sports teams, I bring to you all, the first of the ‘shitty Ohio sports teams’ edition of the world famous ‘Who would you rather bang?’. There is a surprising ammount of celebrities who for some reason root for shitty Ohio teams. What I try to do, is keep the matches interesting, so here we go. We have one famous person representing The Buckeyes, The Browns, and of course my Bengals.

Representing the Cleveland Browns: Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice. This may come as a surprise to many Ohio sports fans, but Ms. Rice is a pretty big NFL fan. She has stated many times that she desires to someday be the commissioner of the NFL, which ties her in nicely to this debate, as she would have to spend the bulk of her time as commissioner suspending Ohio teams athletes. She grew up a cleveland Browns fan, as those games were for some reason broadcast in Birmingham Alabama. Later in life she switched allegiances, even rooting for the Cincinnati Bengals at one point, due to her friendship with the legendary Anthony Munoz, and her admiration for Paul Brown. Well once her ole friend Carmen Policy took over as Cleveland’s G.M., and it was clear the bengals weren’t going to take her anywhere, she was back with the Browns. http://media.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/images/I47594-2004Oct20 Most people think of her as all business, but she can really doll it up as well http://blog.mideastanalysis.org/wp-content/condoleezza-rice-7.JPG She knows more than her fair share about football, and browns history. Here is her response, when she was aksed how far from the goal line was Earnest Byner before he fumbled against Denver http://www.thestrangedeathofliberalamerica.com/wp-content/themes/stormy%20liberty/build/condoleeza_rice2.jpg John Madden couldn’t do it better himself.

Representing THE Ohio State University, we have the walking V.D. clinic herself. Tara Reid. Ms. Reid is a huge sports fan, and has a special spot in her heart for football. http://cdn.faniq.com/images/blog/Picture%204(17).png Not just any football, but Buckeye Football. Apparently her brother attended OSU, and she got on for the ride. Usually whenever there is a big game in Columbus, she is in town, and is seen at various bars the day of, and before the Big game. Before the 2006 OSU vs. Michigan showdown, she was the toast of the town, and was seen anywhere a radio station that would buy her drinks was at. She even apparently has filmed a movie, with OSU legend Eddie George. Quick google research has showed that it is not a sextape, thus causing me to lose interest. She does have one trump card on almost any Buckeye fan. After achieving absolute Hottness in ‘Van Wilder’ she decided on a little elective surgery. Amongst some other work done, she had one of her boobs re-made to resemble OSU mascot Brutus Buckeye http://www.easycelebritys.com/t/tara_reid_01/pics/tara_reid_24.jpg

There is however, a surprisingly small ammount of celebrities who root for the Bengals. But what they lack in numbers, they make up for in quality. Representing my Bengals is Nick lachey. http://www.nndb.com/people/544/000044412/nl-75.jpg Being from the area, he is a fan of all things cinci, and who isn’t? His dreamy looks, and moderate talent have stolen the hearts of 14 year old girls everywhere, but he ranks especially high amongst Bengal fans. http://i.pbase.com/o5/53/688553/1/67321953.Ovl2odQQ.Bengals_012.jpg He even recently was honored by throwing out the first pitch at an almost sold-out Reds game http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/04FtgY0h2ebTP/340x.jpg Perhaps his greatest accomplishment to date, was getting his hot girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo to root for the Bengals http://i.pbase.com/t5/53/688553/4/67667823.K4gpffQf.jpg I know. We can do a lot better than that http://www.gunco.net/gallery/data/500/210vanessa_minnillo.jpeg

Let the voting begin.

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7 Responses to “There you have it.”

  1. ctgobucks said

    I was about to vote for ms. reid, until I noticed she had some strange formations under her skin in the greater stomache region. Not knowing whether they are from a botched lypo-job (from the same guy who gave her the brutus buckeye nipple) or parasites, I’m gonna have to take the safe route and go up north with secretary rice. She could put in a good word for me on a presidential pardon that may come in handy some day.

  2. joe jitsu said

    I saw Tara Reid on that fabled day in November 2006. Unfortunately, I wasn’t one of the lucky guys that got to do coke off her vagina that day. I did get my company car towed though, and had another drunken Elida alum by the name Mave Milliter drive me to the impound lot. He had the great idea of letting me steer his car while he returned phone calls while driving on interstate 270. A heads up on that would have been nice.

    Nick Lachey is the cutest of all of them. Firmest ass, best teeth and probably a huge clitoris to boot.

  3. Disgruntled Reds Fan said

    I would go with Tara Reid if it were pre-boob job, but that is one strange boobie, so i’m gonna have to go with Cunnilingus Rice. She has that Claire Huxtable persona to her. She tries to be elegant and calm but can really give some shit when the time comes. Ask the Gitmo prisoners.

  4. lynch said

    not the kind of WWYRB I was looking for, but I’ll partake….

    Nick Lachey is a total tool… and you should have picked Montgomery Gentry as your famous Bengal fans… they would have won this easily…

    I could never screw a girl that admits to liking anything about Cleveland, much less the Browns…. so Condy is out…

    my vote is for Tara Reid… botched surgeries or not, she’s the kind of party girl I like to be around….

  5. Tony Romo said

    Jessica has been pissing me off lately. I’m going with a little revenge bang, and picking Nick Lachey.

  6. Quiz of the Day said

    What number is higher? The number of penises that have been inside Tara Reid, or the number of points that have been scored on Elida this year?

  7. lynch said

    or the number of balls that have hit Nick Lachey’s chin???

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