So close.

September 22, 2008

My Bengals had it. It was right there. A win that would have made up for two losses to two shitty teams, and kept my dream of a four win season alive. And then, that damn Eli Manning did it again. It was gone forever. Now looking at the schedule, and knowing how shitty the offensive line is, the Bengals could be trading punches with the Rams and the Chiefs all year long, to see who gets that coveted number 1 overall pick. Even though it was a loss, and Palmer got sacked like 47 times, I thought that was the best coaching job the Bengals have had in a long time. Even though they looked like a much improved team, they still suck. However, my dreams of Bill Cowher, and Beanie Wells leading the Bengals to glory, may be in Danger, as a new contender for both of their services has came into play. The Cleveland Browns, may actually be the worst team in the NFL. I know, folks in Kansas City, and St. Louis can make strong arguments, but the Browns just suck at everything. Don’t those bastards know I have a plan for Cincy? I called dibs on Cowher and Wells back in the preseason, this is my dream. Cleveland just may suck bad enough to ruin it all. I know half the team is out with staph infections, because apparently the Browns do not employ janitors. But seriously, those guys made baltimore look like the ’85 bears. I had for some reason predicted 6 wins for them, and that’s not even gonna be close. Brady Quinn should have a chnace to show the nation just how over-rated he really was, by week 5. He is pretty ripped, as all great quarterbacks are. I mean all the great quarterbacks in history looked like body builders. Mike vick, tavarus jackson, Mike McMann, all future hall of famers. Guys like Montana, Manning, Brady, Marino, those dude all sucked because they just didn’t lift weights enough. He’s just what that team needs. There really isn’t one aspect of football they appear to be good at. At least the Bengals have a sweat kicker, though he is a red head. This weekend the Bengals and Browns square off, to decide which team really wants their coach fired more. Seeing as how neither team has scored much this year, I’m expecting a shoot-out, with no actual winner. Whoever scores more, moves dangerously farther away from that #1 pick. Whoever loses, should have to disband. I think the NFL should punish refs who make horrible calls, by making them do either the Bengals or Browns game the following week. Even though both teams have shitty defenses, there could be 20+ sacks in this game. Last week the Bengals had to put 8 guys in the box, all blocking for Palmer, and T.J. and Chad just had to get open before Palmer got smashed. Somehow it actually worked, in the second half, it was a thing of beauty. It was the football equivalent of the sacrifice bunt. The browns had to use the ole count to 2 and chuck it method, with less than stellar results. The defense was even worse. Either Joe Flacco is the next Joe Montanna, or Ohio Football teams really suck that bad. I’m affraid to even ponder which is the correct answer.

Can ESPN hire people who actually watch the games? I realize that if you have to talk about all the games, you’re not gonna pay any attention to games like Cleveland vs. Baltimore, or Cincy vs. New York. There was some big games going on, but is it too hard to ask for them to just have a guy watch only that game, so when he is on t.v. talking about it he actually knows what he is talking about? Mike Ditka today said ‘Chad Johnson needs to earn his pay, and catch more balls’. Doesn’t somebody have to throw it to him first? Chris Berman said ‘Palmer just doesn’t look quite right’. Maybe because he was upside down? These guys get paid to watch and talk about football. A dream job. At least pretend they know what the hell they are saying. I never once heard any of these experts say anything about the Bengals lineman forgetting to block anyone. Or the Browns receivers having more drops or Pass Interference penalties than catches. I think they just watch the good games, and guess what actually happened to the crappy teams.

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9 Responses to “So close.”

  1. Matt Millen said

    If Mike Brown is hiring, I hear I may be looking for a job in the near future. And Chris there is no doubt the Lions are the worst team in the NFL. I am glad we dont play USC.

  2. SEC Fan said

    What do OSU and pot have in common?

    They both get smoked in Bowls!!!

  3. ctgobucks said

    “What do OSU and pot have in common”…? Here in the north we teach our children grammar. I believe you meant ‘what DOES OSU and pot have in common?’ Just thought I would help you out a bit SEC fan. That was your first lesson. The second, is this. You lost this argument the moment I came on board my simple minded friend. That was a funny joke. Tell the 8th grade kid you borrowed it from, good job. Then ask him this. What does SEC fans, and wolves have in common?
    Neither can be trusted around sheep.

  4. SEC Fan said

    I am interested to know if the genious behind this board actually attended OSU or any other college for that matter.

  5. ctgobucks said

    Yeah, thanks for asking. I’m interested to know if you and your sister have picked out baby names yet.

  6. General George Meade said

    Hey sisterfucker, that was a pretty good joke about Ohio State. Very simple, but I would expect that of you. You may go now, please rally up some of your friends and try to secede from the union again.

  7. Abe Lincoln said

    George, you’re fired… again.

  8. lynch said

    Can we quit talking about how shitty all of our favorite football teams are and get another “Who Would You Rather Bang?” going…..

  9. William Techumseh Sherman said

    Am I gonna have to come back down there and straighten this thing out?

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