Where Did We Go Wrong?

This past weekend was supposed to be a fine display, of Ohio Football power. A return to the field for our Pro Teams, and one last tune up before the big dance for my fair Buckeyes. This was supposed to be a beautiful early fall weekend, and it turned into a disaster. The Buckeyes struggled their way into mediocrity, and our Pro teams, flat-out sucked.

Ohio State, may be the only undefeated team in history, to drop down the polls, in consecutive weeks. Part of this may be, that the Polls are retarded, especially in the pre-season, and before week four. Either way, the Buckeyes image across the nation, took one more hit this weekend, when mighty Ohio Bobcats came to town. This was supposed to be a breeze. A tune up for USC. A chance to get some back-ups, and freshman some playing time. A chance to iron out a few kinks before the game the whole sport has been waiting for, the past 8 months. Instead, we pretty much just sucked. Every aspect of the game, turned on the Buckeyes. One can argue, about looking past them for the trojans, one can say they were emotionally flat, or that they missed Beanie Wells. Blah, blah, blah. Buckeye Nation may just need to come to grips with the fact that we might just suck. I had already started the process of acceptng the fact that we were going to lose to OU. I tried to remember which Michigan fans I was especially harsh towards after the App. State thing. I was even ready to hang my hat on the Bengals. Thankfully, it was all for nothing, as the Bucks pulled it out, and hung on for the win. This much is true. If they play like that this week, it’s gonna be over by halftime. USC, as usual, is vastly over-rated. Each year, they attain, a larger than life status, are said to be better than some NFL teams, and are gaurunteed to win it all. Every year but one, has proven this talk wrong, but they are still great, and have to be taken seriously. They might just be a little better than Ohio University, who knows. Maybe Jim Tressell’s plan to make everyone think that you actually suck, will work.

As for the Ohio NFL clubs. They could be in a season long battle for the rights to Bill Cowher. The Browns, as I predicted in my Eliminator League, went down hard to Dallas. The Bengals, have made a bold statement, that they have plans on the #1 overall pick. A team that has no Defense, and was planning on scraping by on offense alone, now has no offense. My prediction of four wins, was based on a win over the happless ravens yesterday. Now we’re gonna have to scrap one out somewhere else. The good news is, we sucked equally at running and passing. I figure to just get back to the level they were at in 2005, the Bengals will need at least 4 lineman, a running back, a fullback, a third receiver, and if Palmer keeps getting kicke around like he did this week, a new QB. Defensively, we may luck out, and only need 9 new players. Who knows, maybe Mike Brown didn’t like the taste of moderate success. Maybe the new plan, is the old plan. Win a few games each year, make money, and be happy. All I know is this, that team that was on the field sunday got the shit kicked out of them by a would-be last place team, and it wasn’t even close. The coaching staff appears to be dumber than they were last year, and the worthless line, is even worse. The Bengals need to just play it safe from here on out. Start Wooing Bill Cowher now. Try to get him to like skyline, and Montgomery Inn. Then, once he is locked up, put all our resources and efforts, into keeping Chris “Beanie” Wells healthy. If he goes down, I have no idea who we’ll take with that #1 overall pick.

Big Spender’s

So free agent season in the NFL has begun. As usual the Bengals are on the sideline, watching all the other teams address their needs, while they sit back and wait for shitty players to magically get better. This year, it’s gonna happen, I can feel it. Special thanks to commissioner Gooddell, for shooting down thier one attempt at getting a good player. For some reason he seems to take great joy in punishing the bengals. Wether it’s adding extra years to suspensions for D.U.I’s, or voiding trades, he’s doing a great job, keeping the bengals shitty. Mike Brown sucks enough, he doesn’t need any help. Oh well, I’m sure we’ll pick up a great 4th receiver who gets hurt all the time, or maybe a back-up punter, just in case. At least their one scout will bail them out in the draft. What kind of Pro team only has one scout anyway? Oh yeah, the bengals. I’m officially throwing my hat into the ring for the job of volunteer scout. All Mike brown has to do, is pay for my beer, while I watch football. he can send me tapes, I’ll break down all the film, scout whatever players they may want, even write a book report on each team/player. i got a B – on my book report on Lord of the Flies in 9th grade, surely I can come up with some good scoutng reports, that are equally impressive. Although grading people as fat assholes, and pussy farts may not be what they’re looking for, it would be at a bargain price, and would double their current number of scouts. Speaking of the free agent season, good luck to Cleveland fitting under the cap after this season.My wife won a contest at her work, and is expecting to get her prize tomorow. Rumor has it she won a t.v. God willing, i’ll be one step closer to completing my dream of having a t.v. in every room of the house. That would pretty much be the end of the blog, if I get an HD t.v. in the shitter, as I would never leave. Imagine the possibillities, you could watch HD hockey on the Bar t.v. in the basement, watch the reds suck on your way up the steps, watch family guy on HD while you heat up food, pass out while watching shitty cinemax movies in bed, and the next morning while trying to induce vommitting, you could watch sportscenter in HD. This truly is the land of oppurtunities. Chances are the whole “parenting” thing will put a damper on this, but a boy can dream, right?Special thanks to all the meat heads who came in town this weekend for the Arnold Schwarzeneger fitness classic, and the UFC fight. All the money you dropped on Monster energy drinks, protein supplements, and Zubaz pants and tank tops should give our local economy a much needed boost, after the whole 4 foot law for strip clubs went into effect. No it’s not the 4 foot law, that regulates the Donkey show business in tijuana, the strippers have to stay 4 feet away from patrons at all times. Stupid Moral people, ruin everything. It used to be when you would pass a chick and she smelled like FDS you’d think, “Wow, she’s a stripper”. Now if a chick smells like FDS, theres a good chance she’s got a yeast infection. Total bummer.

Posted on Monday, March 3, 2008 at 08:38PM by CTGOBUCKS | 1 Comment

And the Oscar goes to…

Not fucking transformers. I’m still pissed. I was pretty surprised when I was reading through the paper sunday, and saw they were actually nominated for like four awards. I was all set to get up on a soap box and tell everyone how I called it. Too bad those hollywood bastards don’t know a good movie when they see one, as Transformers got no awards. The Bourne Ultimatum did win some awards I saw, so that makes ONE movie I’ve watched that won an award. Good movie too. What if we didn’t have all the pretentiousness around the awards and the criteria of which they are judged. What if movies that were actually entertaining, and awesome could win awards. What if a classic comedy could win. Imagine if the Best picture award for 1982 went to Tron. Or if porky’s had been nominated for best cinematography. Obviously Billy madison and Beerfest would have swept the awards in their respective years. There should also be a special award for best nude scene, or best rack in a mmusical. The possiblities are endless. You could pretty much bet on no longer having bitchy gay dudes commenting on all the dresses, at the cool awards ceremony. Over the years they did get some right. Braveheart, Gladiator, The Departed, and Unforgiven were great movies. But honestly, can anyone argue Daniel Day Lewis has more than one character in his career, the crippled dude from my left foot, and not the crippled dude from my left foot. As soon as he accepts a role, he pretty much has a nomination, and just mails it in from there. Another thing that pisses me off is the trend of handing out Oscars to hot chicks who made themselves ugly, i.e Charlize theron in Monster, and hillary Swank in Boys don’t cry. This needs to stop. As a country we are fat and ugly enough, lets not purposely lower the attractiveness of our films, and nation as a whole. It’s hollywood, we’re supposed to celebrate the hotness of these people. Let the less attractive people take these roles, and save our hot leading ladies for the gratuitous nude scenes in the cool movies, that would be elligible for an award under my new award system. I’m sure my loyal reader’s can think up some other great flix in need of an award, and some cool new awards as well. Lets hear it.Bengals note: apparently Darren McFadden didn’t get my email about the NFL combine. I was hoping he would run really slow, or show up high, but alas, he was there, healthy, and running really fast, eliminating the slight chance he could drop in the ranks and be drafted by my bengals. Oh well it would have been a shame to watch him blow out his knee in the preseason anyway. I’m sure Michigan has at least one or two worthless players we can nab. I like it better when the Bengals draft the complete misfits. Guys Like Tremain Mack, Chris henry, and Odell Thurman, are far more exciting than “character” guys who are never suspended, or in jail.

Posted on Monday, February 25, 2008 at 10:01PM by CTGOBUCKS | 16 Comments