Fallen Hero’s

I gotta say that today, I’m a little down in the dumps. Memphis killed my chance at winning my pool, and Michigan State finished off any chance I had at finishing in the money. Then, things got worse. One of my all-time hero’s, has had a fall from grace, and another, who is now my newest hero, I really didn’t discover, until he fell from grace. Who are these folks you might ask?
Vince, the spokesman for Sham-WOW, one of the people I look up to the most, has been charged with beating up a hooker. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0330091newsham1.htmlI first heard this news yesterday, when a friend called me to alert me of the details. I was a bit shaken up, Vince is someone I try to pattern my life after. I have no idea how well the shamwow works, (it is made in Germany after all) nor do I care. Info-mercial guys are what I consider our nations greatest resource. For too long, Billy Mays, the Oxy-clean guys has been on top of the info-mercial world. I should have taken him out when i saw him at that gas station outside of Dayton OH, but I failed. Vince was going to be the guy who brought him down, and now this news comes out. Where will we go from here people? I do admit, I have dreamed about throwing my hat into the info-mercial spokesperson ring, but I know I have my limitations. I have always kinda considered myself as one of the “before” actors on these commercials. you know, the guy who struggles with pretty much every aspect of whatever random task he is doing, until they reveal the product, and it changes his entire life. I can hurt my back while trying to do gardening. I can smear caulking all over the place with my fist. I can do this, if I just put my mind to it. It’s been a dream of mine for some time. I could even be the old lady who gets screwed in BINGO, because she didn’t hear what numbers were called, or the lady who just can’t get to the phone, because her blanket doesn’t have sleeves like the Snuggy. I think this is the job I was born to do, but info-mercial spokesperson, now that has me nervous. I don’t know if I have what it takes to do that. I am obnoxious, but am I obnoxious enough? I am supposed to go to Miami this summer, maybe I can practice by punching a hooker when I’m there. I’m sure my wife will love that.
All I know is this, the world of the info-mercial stars has been ripped apart by the Shamwow guys arrest. Can I be the one to fill this void, or am I just having my mid-life crisis a little early?

My newest hero, and a man I am now going to pattern my life after, Kile Wygle, from Ohio’s finest city, Newark, is now my all-time favorite criminal.  http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0331091stool1.htmlWygle, who may or may not have been auditioning for a role on Reno 911, was arrested, and charged with DUI after crashing his motorized bar stool. To all of you budding criminals out there, please, please take after Mr. Wygle. His creativity is rare these days, and we need more of that during these troubled times. Not only building a motorized bar stool, but then getting drunk, crashing it, calling 911, and pretty much turning yourself in…well done young man, well done indeed.