Drama!

Today, catastrophe visited our house. It was a long time coming really. The weekend started off great. I got a call from the daycare about 2:00, saying I had to pick up my son, who had diarrhea, and was being sent home. Apparently, their policy on the squirts is a little more strict than the policy i hold myself to, but it was nice to have an actual excuse for once, as opposed to having to make up a reason to knock off a few hours early on a friday. Later that evening, I went and met my grandmother at a bar (which is not only 100% true and verified, but also the front runner for the title to my auto-biography). It was my favorite bar, we had some wings, some beer, and caught up. Like I said, a good night. Saturday was a bit of a wash. We had planned on heading out of town for a 30th birthday gathering, and to see friends who were back in the country, after a stint in over-seas (south america, but depending on where you fly out of, it may be over a sea). The diarrhea played a role here as well. We had to abort the travel plans, in hopes that the big man would get some rest, so he didn’t still have the runs, and make us miss work on monday as well ( no basketball on monday). Like most great plans of mine, this one went down hard. My son was for whatever reason awake most of the night on saturday, meaning nobody got the rest we stayed home for. So then on sunday we headed out of town, and were back later that evening. Even though it was just a day trip, we still had to pack plenty of crap, which meant we had to unload a lot of crap as well.
fast forward to monday morning.

I was just getting in the shower, when my wife, whom was already running late, came back into the house, rather angry. Apparently her battery was dead. Much of her rage was about how there was no reason her vehicle should have a dead battery. I agreed with her on that much, it is under warranty. So instead of a shower, I threw on whatever random clothing I could reach, and went out to fix this problem, and to settle my wife down ( I was willing to settle for one out of two on this one). Like all husbands when they hear their wife’s car has a dead battery, I tried to start it myself (cause there was such a huge chance it would actually start for me, and I had yet to shower, or have coffee). She was right, it was dead. I also noticed the dome light switch was on. I said nothing about this little fact, it would be my trump card for when my wife got really pissed. So to the jumper cables I went. I’m a bit of a pro at jump-starting cars. For whatever reason, I carry jumper cables in my vehicle all the time. I figure if I jump-start one other persons car each year, this gives me free range to be an asshole the rest of the time. For whatever reason, japanese vehicles need to be jump started a different way than all the other cars i have jump started. As soon as the last cable was connected, my wifes alarm started blaring. It’s not that crappy Radio Shack alarm, but the built-in horn alarm, which is really loud, really early in the morning. When one has not showered, or had coffee, after a long weekend, and is standing over the hood of a car who’s horn is for whatever reason blaring, really early in the morning, you kinda just freeze. As soon as my brain started back up, I realized, I had to turn off the panic button. The key chain panic button was not working. I ran inside, yelled for my wife to get the spare key, so she could hit the panic button. After what seemdlike 20 minutes, (but was likely much less) of me standing in front of a blaring horn, in my shorts (no underwear) coat (no under-shirt) and boots (no socks, you’re welcome for the visual), my wife came out withthat crappy 3rd key they give you. the one that is just a regular old key, with no electrical devices for things such as the car alarm. I admit, I did not handle this well. I decided to act. My knowledge of cars is limited, I admit, but I am a champion at figuring shit out, to an adequate level at least. I started yanking out fuzes, until the noises stopped (if only I could do this with the voices in my head). I could always read the guide and replace the necessary fuses once the blaring horn had stopped. Finally, the noise had stopped, however, once the horn started blaring, I kinda freaked, and killed the engine, so the charge didn’t last that long, and the battery was soon dead again. Time to start the process over. For whatever reason, I thought, maybe, just maybe, the alarm won’t go off this time, so I replaced all the fuses, and the re-jump-started my wife’s car. No dice. The fucking horn, might have gotten louder actually. Now my wife was yelling things about being “really” late, and I was shouting back a rant about the Japanese auto industry, that would make a sailor with tourettesyndrome blush. So back to yanking out fuses I went. Finally, we decided that we would load our son into my car, drive my wife to work, come home, unload my son, I would shower, pack the daycare bag, then take my kid to daycare. Once my brain was adequately doused with coffee, I could address the damned car.
So, I had fried something in the electrical system, no biggie. After a little tinkering, I had the alarm actually off, the fuses for the horn, and turn signals 9which had been going off) replaced, and all systems were a go. Yeah, the radio no longer works, and says CODE ERR-R (stupid japanese, can’t even spell right) but all is well. I even drove it to pick my wife up. As far as i know everything else still works, even the God damned dome light.
So we had a nice little test in crisis management for our entire family, and I have to say, we failed pretty badly. I gave myself a C- ( like I said, I had not showered, or had coffee) but my wife got an F. Had she brought the spare key that actually had the electronic thingy, she would have passed, even though it would not have mattered, as my semi-asleep jump start seemed to cause a few shorts in the system. So we live, and we learn. I guess I’m gonna have to re-think my stance on the Americanauto industry. I had as recently as a few weeks ago, sworn them off for life, but I do have to say this. Never once have I jump started an American vehicle, and caused the alarm to sound. I’d also like to apologize to anyone we woke up with our blaring horn, and my excessive profanity. We live, and we learn.