Here come the Irish

Ah, St. Patricks Day. The one drinking Holiday, that is slowly losing it’s standings amongst my favorite drinking Holidays.  It used to be a day I looked forward to with great joy. A time for one wild night out, some green beer, and flat out debauchery. Now, it’s a day that makes me bitter. A day I set aside, and make sure I’m wearing nothing green what-so-ever. A day when all the Guinness (one of my faves year round) gets hogged up by a bunch of college kids, who will let half of it go un-drank in their refrigerator for months, and months. There used to be so much I loved about this day, and now, it just pisses me off. Am I just getting old, or has the rest of the world ruined this day for me?
I’m not at all Irish, nor catholic, so theres no built in reasons for me to celebrate St. Paddy’s day. Even though St. patrick hailed from Wales, much like my ancestors, I still don’t have that historical connection, at least not like I do with Johnny Appleseed Day. There was a time however, when I did celebrate just like everyone else. I used to always wear green to school when i was a kid, so i wouldn’t get pinched. As I got older, it was an excuse to go to bars, and get into trouble. Where did it all fall apart? Was it the year I had gone to one of my favorite sports bars with a group of friends to watch the first round of the NCAA tourney, only to discover that every belligerent college kid in a 30 mile radius was there, blocking the t.v.’s, causing long lines for beers, and, destroying the bathrooms. I always thought the NCAA tourney took precedence, but apparently the rest of the world thought different. Maybe it was the year that, when we left the house, I was the only one drunk, and somehow ended up driving someone elses car back to my house, where I had the honor of cleaning up someone else’s vomit, and then slept on the bathroom floor. Maybe it’s the fact that every year, some butthole says “hey chris, you’re not wearing green”, that has made me bitter. Wearing green is for little kids, slutty girls, and big fat drunk irishmen. You don’t see me wearing extra short, cut-off jean shorts, and a fishnet tank top on either gay rights day, or Puerto Rican day do you? You don’t see people walking around wearing stocking caps, and carrying hockey sticks on Boxing day do you? I don’t expect people to not bathe on Bastille day, why should we ask everyone to pretend they are Irish on St. Patricks day/ Whats so great about the dirty Irish. There was once a time where the irish were Americas whipping boy, and were looked down upon. Stupid JFK went and ruined that whole game. Most folks don’t even know what St. Patricks day is for. People still think it was some dude who chased snakes out of Ireland.
I get that it’s an excuse for people to go out, get waaaay too drunk, and make some bad decisions, but in this economy, shouldn’t we be doing that every day? The reason people do things like that, is because it’s fun. Maybe the whole world would be a lot more fun, if people took the good parts of St. Patrick’s day, the binge drinking, the parades, the casual sex, and made it part of every day life. I’ll do what I can. Now, if I go to my local carry-out, and all the Guinness has been bought up by some douche bag who’s taking it back to his apartment, or some butthole asks me why I’m not wearing green, or I have to stand in line behind some college slut, decked out in green novelty clothing, I may snap.
So do the world a favor everyone, especially hot chicks. Go ahead and go out tonight, have a few too many drinks, wear scandalous green attire, maybe even go home with someone you would normally not even speak with, but maybe do it more than just once per year. After all, it’s what St. Patrick would have wanted.
For the rest of you, remember this, the Irish, and those who claim to have descended from them, are not to be trusted. We’ll give them this day, let them have their fun, but only if we can go back to treating them like 2nd class citizen’s. the we’ll see who wearing green.

God speed everyone, this day will end soon enough.