Chris Loses a hat

Last night, I braved the elements, and headed downtown to whatch the Blue Jackets try and start the second half of the season on a high note. They took on the mighty Detroit Red Wings, the 2nd best team overall, and the first place team in our division. The Jackets needed a point out of this game, and with a huge winter storm blowing through the area, they would have to do it without the help of a packed arena. The trip downtown was awesome. The roughly quarter inch of snow we had received at that point, had already started to cripple our highway system. Apparently, when it snows a quarter of an inch, you can’t attempt a lane change, or else you may lose your grip with the road, gravity will fail, and you will float off into space. This meant everyone creaped along the entire way. I picked up my friend, had a decompressing beer at the bar, and then headed to the arena. After buying another beer, we headed to find our seats. Good seats, but when we got to our section, we discovered that with just 9 minutes until the puck dropped, their was literally 7 other people in the entire section.  Slowly the fans started filing in. Mostly Red Wings fans in our section, and for some reason, ours was the only section that was full. The lower bowl, was mostly empty. Apparently rich bastards can take the $100 hit by not going to the game when it snows. My friend, a Wings fan, decided that this would be a good game for a shoot-out. I said I wanted a hat trick. I was wearing what I call my lucky hockey hat. It was undefeated at Jackets games (1-0). I figured it would need to be retired if they won, since 2 straight wins is the best I could hope for. The hat and I have a little history. It really wasn’t even my hat. It looked identical to my hat. Same size, brand, color, everything. Except, instead of saying Jackets, it said Panthers. I grabbed it on aciident one night, leaving someone with a huge upgrade in hats. In fact, I wore it several times before I even realized it was the wrong hat, meaning their was no way to switch it back. What was done, was done. People had been making comments about the Panthers, and jokes and what not. I had no idea what the hell they were talking about, I just went along with it. During a semi-sober moment, I saw myself in the mirror, and noticed my hat said ‘Panthers’ backwards. So that’s why everyone was making Panthers jokes. This was not my hat. It only took a couple months before I figured that one out. I’m quick like that. Either way, the gay Panthers hat was lucky, so I wore it again last night, and again was made fun of. We fell behind early, and super-stud Rick Nash had a break away. Goal! Tie Game. Later in the second period, he had a sweet pass cross in front of the goal, and he knocked it in. Goal! Destiny was calling. Detroit tied it up, several good chances for both teams came and went. Time was running out. The detroit fans were getting restless. I informed them, that they coud not win. They were playing to not lose. We would be more than happy with taking a playoff team to overtime, collecting our one point, and going home. The seconds ticked away. To Overtime we went, and they had stopped selling beer. Bittersweet to say the least. It started to look like we were headed for a shoot-out. I have never been to a shoot out. I have left early in games that were eventually decided in a shoot-out. I started to ask around on what the protocol was for shoot-out hat tricks. Did it only count if it was the deciding goal? The general consensus among the fans in our section, was that if rick nash put three pucks in the net in one game, that a gay Florida Panthers hat had to find it’s way on the ice. We were about 10 rows up in the second level. Just getting a hat to fly that far would not be easy. The glass at the bottom of the upper bowl was pretty high, and pretty far. What if it didn’t even make it to the lower level? I started to sweat. What would I do? Then, as time was running out in O.T. the jackets forced the issue, everyone was crowded around the detroit net. Who had the puck? Was it still live? It was like slow motion. The puck sneaking it’s way between skates, to the goalies left side. Time stopped. Then it happened. Rick Nash was positiooned perectly for the rebound. Chris Osgood had no chance. He fired it into the back of the net. Game over! Hat Trick! I chucked my retarded Panthers hat with all my might. It cleared the glass, and fell out of sight on it’s way to the lower level, as a thousand other hats began to fly. Protocol, is if a hat does not make it to the ice, you help out it’s journey, and pass it along. The wings fans I was with hid their hats under their shirts. Apparently in Detroit, if the wings get a hat trick. the Wings fans will steal the other teams fans hats, and throw them on the ice. Hockey kicks ass. We waited to see if the gay Panthers hat made it to the ice. We never saw it make it there. My guess is some dude grabbed it, and just as he was about to chuck it, noticed it said Panthers on it. He likely thought to himself, “who the fuck is a panthers fan”, and kept it out of novelty. Hopefully somewhere in Columbus, some dude is at a bar, getting made fun of, because he has on a Blue, White and Red Panthers hat. In my mind, and in my heart, that gay hat still lives on today. If not, Rick Nash can keep it.