Did you notice?

Not to jinx myself yet again, but a certain team, that holds a place in my heart, is on a roll. I don’t want to ruin it by saying they are awesome, or even saying their name. But, They’ve gone from another worthless season, to right back in the playoff picture, with one of the best 2 weeks in franchise history. I won’t name them, but they play a sport involving frozen water, they kick ass, and are from Columbus. Plus Jerod Boll buys his coffee the same place I do from time to time. Don’t want to spoil it, but in honor of their recent stumble upon success, I thought I would show a video, of the greatest hockey fight of all time.

http://www.break.com/index/dog-owns-little-ice-skater.html

Pick up your leaves America!

Alright America, this message is for you. Specifically those of you who live directly beside me. Since I have not had the time to extend my fence all the way around my property, a few problems have slipped through the cracks. mainly, the damn leaves. This afternoon, after picking my son up from daycare, I pulled in the driveway and noticed my next door neighbor was raking leaves. Good for him, a little fresh air will do him some good. He’s got a couple big trees in the front of his yard, and just one in the back, so it shouldn’t take too long right? I put a fence up in the back, so any leaves blowing through in a crosswind will get shut down way before they reach his yard. I basically made his life easier, and he is yet to thank me. The neighbor on the other side, just has to wait for the leaves to blow against my fence, and half the raking is done. I’ve gone out of my way to make things easier for these guys. Now, the problem I have, is that them, along with most of my other neighbors, have deciduous trees, a.k.a. trees that litter. I myself, being way smarter than them, have coniferous trees, a.k.a. trees with a full head of hair. So I should never have to rake, right? Wrong. Every year, leaf after leaf falls into my yard, or gets blown into it by the wind. I have no trees that shed leaves, but yet year after year, I am out there raking, and bagging like a sucker. Picking up other peoples leaves. This afternoon, my neighbor had started raking pretty much at the border between his yard, and my new country. He was raking them all away. Now, it was cool he was acknowledging my sovereignty, but he was leaving a shit load of leaves in my yard, most of which came from his tree. If only I was a nuclear nation, I could teach his ass a lesson. I’d be more than happy to let him cross my border to pick up his mess. The other side of my yard is even worse. Yellow leaves everywhere. This morning, there was a leaf frozen to my windshield. It hung out there for like 40 minutes while I was driving. It almost drove me insane, but luckily, Tim Hortons still has their delicious Pumpkin Doughnuts, so I was able to gather myself. Where is the law when I need it? These aren’t my leaves. If it was trash, I’m pretty certain I could call the cops. To make things worse, the one neighbor is a prosecutor, I’m pretty certain a law suit would end badly for me. I’m powerless. Held prisoner by trees from hell. People, if you have trees, that aren’t man enough to hold onto all their leaves, do the world a favor, and pick them up. Last year, I was the epitome of a good neighbor. My new neighbor asked if they could have a bunch of the Pine cones that fell off my tree. I said yes, and let them pick them all up for me, for who knows what the hell they were gonna do with them. I was just gonna mow over them, or kick them into his yard anyway. Officially ZERO percent of the leaves in my yard, came from my trees. They are by law, someone else’s responsibility to pick up. If my dog fills up my yard, and most of the adjacent yards with dog crap, and I only pick up the dog crap in my yard, I’m the asshole. Why are leaves any different? If my big pine tree crashes through someone else’s house, I’m pretty certain that’s getting paid for by my insurance. Why can’t I make someone else’s insurance company pay me to pick up the leaves? Or better yet, they can do it for me. Through all this, I have come to realize, my new country still has some week spots in it’s defense. The ole 6′ wood fence is still a little prone to an aerial attack. I may need to work on that. Does anyone know where they get those big screens they have at driving ranges? And, do they make them so they can stop leaves? My whole yard is having a bad week. Last week, we forgot to put out the recycling. We generally have at least twice as much recycling as we do trash. We only have two crappy little red recycling bins. On an average week, they are overflowing. Miss a week, and it’s a train wreck. Throw in football season, over-night guests, and a baptism party, and that’s a shitload of stuff to be recycled. Most of it, is bottles of bud light lime, newspapers, and smut mags (my wife’s). Even though my yard looks like a hillbillies right now, I do feel good about myself. I recycle. I care about the planet, and can talk down to people since I recycle. I may be pointing out the obvious but, should the recycling bins be red? I mean the trash container is a big green bin, and landfills aren’t exactly green right? Wouldn’t it make sense if they switched colors. Not the colors of the bins, that would be a logistical nightmare. I say from now on, we call anything that used to be part of the “green” movement, the “red” movement. When someone recycles, or decides not to shoot an endangered animal, they will be “going red”. When you see someone who rides their bike to work, call them a red. I’m all for it. Those guys on ‘Mad Men’ refer to the reds with such reguard, I think people will like it. I gotta admit, I’m not really that into saving the planet, I just like the hard working recycling guys. Them, and the yard waste guys come the same day, every week, no matter what. The garbage dudes are lazy bastards. If it’s the week of say, labor day, they don’t work monday, then everything gets pushed back a day. This causes some problems, because people forget about things like Columbus Day, and Veterans Day, and end up putting the trash out a day early. This leaves them wide open to attacks from drunked up High School kids, who like to run the bins over with the shitty car their parents gave them, and then the trash blows everywhere. The recycling guys, same day every week. If they are off on a monday, they work that much harder on tuesday, until they get caught up. As someone who from time to time pushes people to work way harder than they actually want to, I appluad this management approach. You give someone a day off, and next thing you know, you’re chinese, ya gott stay on em. The recycling guys are pretty much the only one’s who don’t jack their bill up. Because of Hurricane Ike knocking out everyones power, our electric co. is talking about raising our rates by as much as 50%. The news last night was talking about Columbus raising the rates for water. We already give them a cut of our property, income, and sales tax, plus a monthly bill. Our retarded voters just passed a bond to pay them more tax money for the water department. Seeing as there isn’t any new areas to build on in Columbus, just the surrounding counties, there really aren’t that many new water lines to install. What the hell does this money pay for anyway. Is our water gonna be hotter in our shower’s? Will we have a seperate knob on our faucets for beer to come out of? The recycling guys would never treat us that way. That’s why tomorow, when the dude has to get out of the truck and load up both my bins, plus the 12 other bags laying beside them, I will say, “you’re welcome”.

Since gas is reasonable again, what the hell happens to all the jackasses who bought a vehicle when they were doing the $3.00 gas for 3 years deal? Do they fill up, then write a check to Daimler Chrysler? It sucks I don’t know anyone stupid enough to fall for that deal, because I would be letting them have it now. How sweet would it be if after they fill up, a car salesman steps out and is like “o.k. gas is a $1.80, you got 20 gallons, so you owe us $1.20 for 20 gallons, that’ll be $24.00″ I’m sure all the buttholes who got in on that deal thought they were the smartest people in the world. You know they were talking shit to all their friends when gas was $3.50. If anyone out there fell victim to this ploy, I could use some cheering up. I will buy you one beer, if you meet me at Average Joe’s pub, or the Winking lizard, so I can make fun of you. I may have so much fun doing it, that I’ll have to buy that second round. After all, my gas is under 2 bucks!

Flashback

So today, I filled up my tank with gas, at $1.89 per gallon! This is amazing. All this change really is paying off. I was beginning to think I would need to start going around slapping people who voted for Obama, because the Change wasn’t working out very well for me. First, my internet was down for like two days, then my good pen ran out of ink. Today my cell phone battery died, way sooner than it usually does, leaving me high and dry. Yesterday, I was expecting the Bengals to be on t.v. since the Browns played on thursday, but no, apparently President elect Obama, decided they needed a week off. This was not the type of change I was told would be coming my way. However, things finally turned around today, and now I know what all the buzz was about. Gas is so cheap now, I washed my truck with regular unleaded once my tank was full. I challenged all the people at the pumps around me to a gas fight, since it was only $1.89, who could resist? I’ve been having De-ja-vu ever since. Remember the last time gas was this cheap? It brings me back to happier times. Back when guys named Austin Kearns, Adam Dunn, Maurice Clarrett, and Akilli Smith had bright futures. The Reds G.M. turned down a trade from the Yankees, Pokey Reese for Alfonso Soriano straight up. Oh those were happy times. You could go through the security line at the airport with your shoes on. I’ve been flashing back all day. I bought all the vin diesel movies I could find. I went and bought a Limp Bizkit CD. Remember when only half the population thought Fred Durst was a turd? Remember when J-Lo and Britney were pretty much the hottest chics in the world? Remember when the whole world was a-buzz with talk that Halle Berry would be showing her boobs in a movie? Then it all went to hell. Swordfish sucked, and then Monster’s Ball showed us more of Billy Bob Thornton’s ass than halle’s berries. J-lo turned out to be just a hispanic chick with a big ass, and Britney has turned out to be Bi-polar white trash, with really slowed metabolism. Akilli Smith really did suck at football. Maurice lost his mind, and his scholarship, and then his freedom. Adam Dunn, and Austin kearns have been battling to see which one really is more worthless. Pokey Reese might be dead, and Soriano is an All-Star. The whole world pretty much went down the shitter, and then the gas prices started going crazy. For the good of mankind ,let’s all hope that gas stays cheap. Who knows, maybe Fred Durst can make a come back too.

So the other day, we had to take our son to the Dr’s office. Since he had been a little sick, even though it was nothing major, we had to go into the ‘Ill’ waiting room. At first I thought it was going to be awesome, or even totally ill. I even dressed up like the 4th Beastie Boy just so I could be the illest dude there, It turns out, that little kid Dr’s offices have ‘well’ patient, and ‘ill’ patient waiting rooms. The ‘ill’ rooms, have nothing to do with being rad. The whole point, so I was told, is so the sick kids, and the not yet sick kids can be seperated. Babies have a ton of scheduled check-ups, so I can understand the practice. My problem, is I get a little nervous whenever I go into a room designed speciffically for sick people. I can feel the germs coming after me. It’s “frowned” upon to bring Bourbon to the Dr’s office, so my usual defense against getting sick is neutralized. Lucky for us, we were the only ones in there. We found seats right in the middle of the room, against a back wall, so we could avoid any sick people who walked in. While we were waiting our obligatory 25 minutes past our scheduled appointment time, the sick kids started rolling in. The last group consisted of a mom, and three kids. One of which was a little girl, who’s face might have been the reddest I have ever seen. This chick was gonna hurl, there was no doubt about it. This was not a good spot for me to be in, she was sitting right accross from me, and I had ate an egg sandwich before I had left. This was not going to be good. Why the hell did we need to be in the ‘ill’ room? Our son had an ear infection, and was acting fine. We scheduled this appointment like two weeks ago, it was a follow up. The ‘ill’ room should be for little kids who are about to yak, like the one sitting accross from me, whom I was finding it harder, and harder not to look at. I don’t deal well with puking, I gotta admit. When it’s drunk puking, it’s kinda funny, but I still get a little queezy. Throw in the egg sandwich, and it’s a done deal. If she pukes, I puke, done deal. Lucky for us, I had been at church a week earlier, and another miracle was sent my way. They called my son’s name just seconds after the little girl turned completely white, and said “mommy I don’t feel good”. We were out of there before the situation could fully develop. A major bullet dodged. Our appointment went long enough, so the little girl was gone, and whatever mess she may or may not have made had been cleaned up. We still have to go back in two weeks, so maybe I need to go to church again.

More polls

Pick em

Hmmmm

Could it be? The mighty SEC, actually kinda sucks? So far Alabama, has done everything in it’s power to give LSU an easy win, but yet it’s still 14-7. This game may be revealing a few flaws in the confrence as a whole. Don’t get me wrong, the SEC is a strong confrence, and compared to all but one of the other BCS confrences, is as good as it gets. I do think it’s time we put to bed the theory that whoever wins this confrence gets an automatic shot at the title. Lets take a closer look.

Preseason #1 Georgia. Struggled badly, and was handed a victory by South Carolina, who sucks a turd. SC, actually could have won by 2 scores fairly easilly, but decided that repeatedly turning it over in the 4th quarter would be best for the league. Absolutely got the shit kicked out of them at home, at night against an Alabama team that had not proven anything yet, and was yet to establish the confidence they carry with them now. That’s fine, Georgia is in the SEC east, all they have to do is beat florida, and they are in the SEC champ. gaem, the doorway to the BCS title righ? Florida, made their SEC east rival look like a JV team. No real reason to break down that game, it was just a statement.

LSU, preseason # 6 Destroyed by Florida, who could have won by 60, if they would have let it go another 4 minutes. Barely beat an Auburn team, that wouldn’t be playing in a bowl game this year, had it not been for games against Louisiana Monroe, tennessee martin, and a 3-2 victory over a horrible Mississippi state team, a game I beieve they won on penalty kicks. LSU also took a pounding from the hapless Georgia bulldogs, proving at least one of those teams sucks, really, really bad, and me-thinks both might.

Preseason #11 Auburn, see above. And with sure losses to Georgia and Alabam still on tap, that bowl game is a no-no.

Preseason # 18 Tennessee, after losing to the hapless UCLA bruins to start the season, they should have just satyed in Cali, and made a run at a porn career. Instead, they pressed on, assuring that Phil Fulmer would never coach again, and Tennessee would be watching the bowl games on t.v. as well.

There you go. 4 teams considered to be at the top of the league, year in year out. All four starting in the top 20, yet half of which won’t even qualify for a bowl game. Hmm. Where’s that balance we hear so much about. Where’s those week in-week out battles that make it so hard to win the SEC? Is it Vandy, who fields as many as 9 white guys on the field at any given time? Is it Kentucky, now with neither a football, or a basketball program? Spurrier in South Carolina, who’s wins over wofford, and UAB eaked them into bowl eligibillity? What about ole miss? If they beat Louisiana Monroe they’ll be able to play in a bowl as well. (I know they beat florida but I’ll get to that later) Mississippi state, who if they win out, might make a bowl game. Thank god for Middle Tennessee state! Does Arkansas still play football? Am I missing something here? The SEC, a confrence with 12 teams, may have more than half of them fail to make bowls. They aren’t exactly taking on big time opponents in the pre-season games.

Now there is a few bright spots, and they are bright.

Alabama – So far, still #1, and could be PSU’s only shot at winning the BCS, title. I don’t see either happening, but it would be a good matchup, Penn State, vs. Georgia. Alabama has surprised everyone, and with Saban at the helm, they won’t be going anywhere any time soon. That is, until Saban jumps ship, for a “bigger” challenge. They’ve looked good all year, and have improved as the season has progressed, but I think reality will find them, when they get introduced to Urban Meyer in the conf. title game.

Florida -  started off #5, and after a stunning loss to Ole Miss. has been fighting to get back to the top ever since. I still think florida is one of the two best teams in the nation, the other being USC. Florida needs to take down what should be Alabama in the confrence title game, and then needs some help from the Big 12 boys, to prove me right. I predicted the winner of USC/OSU would take on Florida in the title, and would like to actually be right about something this year.

O.K. so two solid teams. Maybe Georgia and LSU are just inconsistent. Yeah if Periloux wasn’t a learning disabled jack-ass, LSU might be #1. Who knows. What I see, is a league with two divisions. Basically if you are in the east, aka Georgia, or Florida at the start of the year, you look at your schedule, beat a bunch of shitty teams, win the showdown at the worlds biggest cocktail party, and you’re in the SEC title game. If you are in the SEC west, LSU/Alabama, you win that matchup, beat a lot of shitty teams and you are in the SEC title game. A team can lose 3 games, or more, most against horrible competition, still make the SEC title game. At which point, the media will scream about the difficult schedule, the power of the league as a whole, and make sure they find their way to the BCS title game. I know, an SEC team has won the last two, but that’s the past. I know most confrences will have one key matchup that decides the title, but the theory that the SEC is THE confrence is dead. I know LSU can still beat Bama, and make the title game. Maybe Bama really is on the scene, but I say no. A good team stomps LSU this year, they have no QB. Georgia did for gods sake. For the SEC to have any hope of still being obnoxious braggarts, they need to put all their chips on Florida, who is quickly becoming the buckeyes of the south.

A New Hope

I know, my boy mcCain lost, again, and looks to be on his way to the sunset. Oh well, the real Maverick, Tom Cruise is still out there, and with my support could see himself as Crazy bastards nominee for President. A lot of us have gotten a little caught up in things during this election, and that’s cool. For those of you who still live in America, be happy, you are able to be a part of one of the greatest processes in the Land. The selection of a leader. I no longer have that right, having waived all connections with you bastards, but I do admire it. Even if your man lost, your life will go on, and it will be better than almost ayone else’s in the world, except the citizens of my new country. We are just better than you. The country voted for Change, and it has gotten it’s wish. If you are worried about Obama secretly switching to a muslim, or doing anything crazy, fear not, you will get a chance to chose his replace him in 4 years. One thing you won’t get to do, is go to a Casino in Ohio. Let’s all move forward, and press on as Americans, or kings of their own nation. Change has come. I have seen some things that could make me re-join America. Things I thought I would never live to see. Things that could only be found in the greatest land in the world. Things that can offer hope, and promise to everyone. Things that will bring people together for the good of humanity. No, not Obama, I still think he’s a douche. I’m talking about that Crazy R2-D2 hologram thing CNN has. Did anyone see that thing? It was like star wars. It shoots out a 3D image of a person, who talks with you, and inter-acts with you. Can you imagine what this will do for porn? Sure it’d be a little strange, watching two chicks with weird glows around them doing it, but isn’t that what it’s like in heaven? People in Ohio, who have crazy laws that have ruined their strip clubs, will soon be able to have a stripper hologram beemed into their own living rooms. CNN has won my affection. Imagine watching football, where the Bengals can get their asses kicked, in life sized 3D, right in your own home. Browns fans may actually be able to catch the Derek Anderson errant pass. You could block for Terrell Pryor. Michigan fans could punch Dick-Rod in the neck. The new first goal of my newly formed nation, will be to get one of these things. I could have a hologram of myself in my kitchen 24 hours a day to keep my dog from eating a pie off the counter, which he just did. I wouldn’t need to hire a baby sitter when I go out into America. One has to wonder, what is next. Flying hover-skateboards? Flying Cars? Time Travel? 3 Boobed women? One can only dream, of what the future holds.

As for the whole ‘Secession’ thing, it’s off to a slow start. The fence thing might have to wait a few days. I have had some help selecting some of my cabinet members. Someone has already offered to bring guns, which will be a big help. Obviously Trentonio will be in charge of my armed forces. Someone recommended Kim Kardashian as secretary of the interior. I guess she’s an interior designer, and she’s kinda hot, so it’s a good fit. I’m sure my wife will be cool with that. If anyone else wants to join, let me know. We still have some pie left.

Chris Seceeds From The Union!

That’s it. I mean it this time. i’m done. I poured my heart into this thing, and once again, I’ve been let down. As of press time, only about 50? of the districts are in, but my Casino is dying right in front of my eyes. I don’t want anyone to take this the wrong way, but I hate all of you bastards, and look forward to watching you die. I don’t want to sound like those Douche bag celebrities, who threaten to move to canada when they don’t get their way. no, I’m much cooler than that. Instead, I’ve decided to seceed from the union. I hereby abolish all ties with The United States of America, it’s idiot citizens, and the State of Ohio. I figure all I have to do, is extend the fence around my backyard, all the way around my property, and I’m all set. Sometime this weekend I will go on a drinkin’ binge, and design a kickass flag, one that’s way better than you stupid americans wave around. i was thinking like a Dragon on a surfboard, surrounded by boobs or something, but that’s a decision I need to make while shit faced. I’m yet to name my new country, but am open to suggestions. Since my fence is tall, and wooden, I figure it’s the perfect dimensions for coorporate advertising, much like an outfield fence. If anyone wants to donate, or apply for legal staus in my country, I am willing to set up my tent. I will need to still be able to go into your stupid country from time to time for things like food, beer, sporting events, and work. However, I can make my wife vice president, this should get me out of buying Christmas presents. As President, I will have diplomatic immunity whenever I go out. No more stopping at any of your stupid stoplights, or crosswalks. No more “paying” for things in stores. Really, this idea was long over due. Nothing can go wrong. As President, i will be able to hold my own college football championship of the world, in my own backyard. Obviously it will be Ohio State vs. my dog and I every season. Take that BCS! So if anyone is fed up with America, and it’s retarded citizens, and Ohios complete lack of a casino, come on over, but you better bring your passport.

Right now, the Casino looks to only be getting 30% of the vote. WTF??? People, please tell me what is sooo bad about having a casino? Seriously, I will give a 6 pack of delicious Pabst Blue Ribbon beer to anyone who convinces me the Casino was a bad idea. So far, All I’ve heard about the reasons to vote against it, are basically hypothetical scenarios, that likely wont’ ever become an issue. The only one true garuntee with this whole deal, was the Jobs. An estimated 5,000 jobs staffing the Casino, and running it’s day to day operations, and management. Another 5,000-6000 jobs in the design/construction phase. I like how we get all excited over any candidate that promises to grow jobs, but as soon as we have a chance to actually create some on our own, we shit down our leg, because Casino’s are evil. Don’t worry, President Obama will magically make enough jobs, we won’t need the casino. I’ve actually convinced quite a few people to vote for this thing. I did my part. Where the hell were the rest of you? I’ve also been watching the various local issues that go across the screen. Everyone complains about taxes, and jumps to the first candidate to lower taxes. Pretty much every Bond issue around Columbus passes with at least 70% of the votes. We pay for just about anything they put out there, hell we even pay taxes to a Zoo, that may or may not have a fake lion. We’ll gladly pay any ammount asked of us to the local government, no matter how bad the economy is, but then when a school levy comes up, we blow that shit right out of the water. It’s not just Columbus, all around the state, our schools don’t stand a chance. Our schools will keep falling farther and farther behind, we’ll keep blaming it on everyone else, from teachers, to the government, but we’ll gladly give our money to a Zoo, or the local park, that needs new porto-shitters, and a Nintendo Wii. Let’s get new sidewalks, but screw the schools. Now we don’t even have a Casino for these undecucated bastards to work at once they get their GED.

Miracles can happen…

I am a believer. I saw it with my own eyes, kind of. My Bengals were not on TV in Columbus, we got to see Derek Anderson self destruct on shitty cable, but I did follow them on the ticker. Yesterday, we baptized our son in a Catholic church. Obviously God is much wiser than myself, and was able to look into my heart, and see that I didn’t really want my Bengals to go 0-16. In his infinite wisdom, he gave them a victory. Truly a miracle has happened. We won. We will not be a trivia question! Maybe it was God, maybe it was T.J.’s prediction (which is half way fulfilled), either way, a win is a win. Really there is no way the Bengals can keep up with the Lions in the battle to see who sucks most. It’s just not a fair fight right now. We still have too many Pro Bowler’s, and Palmer may still come back. The Lions have signed Daunte Culpepper, their finishing blow. Oh well, it’s time to start thinking about who the 2nd-5th best pick in the draft is, and move on. Bill Cowher, you will still look Super Cool in Orange and Black.

It’s almost here. The day millions of right minded americans have been waiting for. The day the Campaign commercials stop! No more vote for Dickhead commercials, no more smear ads aimed at firing up retards who really, in a perfect world, would not be able to vote. One more day. Just a few more hours of Prime time t.v. and it’s all over. We can all go back to our normal lives. I know many staunch supporters have been very passionate about whatever otherwise useless individual, who’s pie in the sky promises have fooled them again, and that’s cool. Stupidity drives our economy, but it’s time to move on folks. No more bickering, no more rallying, we can all be Americans once again. Whomever wins, support them all the way, until they really piss you off, or they run for re-election. Just move on. If your guy wins, good for you, if not, it doesn’t really matter anyway. I know we can get caught up in the excitement, and really fall in love with our candidates, but read one book about our founding father’s, then compare them to your candidate, and perspective will find you. I’ve tried to avoid getting political on this blog, but since this is the night bfeore another Presidential election, I’ve decided to endorse a candidate. I know, I don’t really like or trust anyone in politics, but everyone else is doing it, so here we go.

I hereby endorse John McCain for president of the united states, and here is why. He was a Navy pilot, just like Top Gun. Did anyone honestly watch Top Gun and not envy Tom Crusie at that point in time? I mean come on people, Top Gun. I know Tom Cruise is bat-shit crazy, and all that other stuff, but remember Maverick? I kinda cried when goose died. Plus, Maverick not only nailed the hot defense department cougar that got naked in ‘The Witness’, but he could have had Goose’s hot grieving wife (Meg Ryan) if he wanted to, but he was an honorable man, and instead blew up some Soviet migs. Had anyone even seen beach volleyball bafore Top Gun? Nope. Now it’s one of the biggest sports in the olympics, and every city has at least one bar were young chicks go to play beach volleyball, which I also endorse. Not only was John McCain a real life Top Gun, he was also a P.O.W. which makes him hard core. You know who else was a P.O.W.? John Rambo. That dude was pretty sweet also. So besides kinda being like fictional characters from awesome movies, he also married a hot chick, who’s father owned one of the biggest Anheiser Busch distributors in America. Her dad died, and now she runs the whole shebang. So he married a chick who is hot, rich, and has access to enough Beer to drown a stadium full of Eagles fans. Those are the kinds of decisions we need our president to make. If McCain gets elected, they could keep Bud Light lime around forever. If Obama wins, who knows? it could be outlawed. Clearly John McCain is waay cooler. I hope this info can help any undecided voters make their selection, I feel it’s my patriotic duty. Unless I am still “cursed”, in which case I endorse Obama.

They say if the Redskins win their last home game before a presidential election, the incumbent party stays in office. No republican has ever gotten elected without winning Ohio. Some shitty town somewhere has accurately predicted almost all of the elections by the way they vote. Blah Blah Blah. There’s only one sure fire way to tell who’s gonna win. Not gallup, or exit polls, those are for nerds. The only way to decide this is the old fashioned way. A first lady (potential) Who Would You Rather Bang?

Cindy McCain vs. Michelle Obama http://a.abcnews.com/images/US/nm_cindy_michelle_080824_mn.jpg

Cindy McCain, http://ndn.newsweek.com/media/41/cindy-mccain-NA01-wide-horizontal.jpg the first lady of partying. http://www.dvorak.org/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/20080404_vote-beer-mccain.jpg She may be a little old, but what cougar isn’t? She may be up there in years, but she’s young at heart, and like to cut loose, the old fashioned way. http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3196/2606873160_04c54b296c_o.jpg I gotta admit, a tire swing hasn’t looked that hot in a long time. When she’s not being a hot old lady, or making millions, she’s fighting for her man http://images.usatoday.com/news/_photos/2007/10/02/mccain-cx.jpg and behind him every step of the way. So if the old thing has you worried, fear not. Next to him she looks like a school girl. http://www.welt.de/multimedia/archive/00578/mccain_with_cindy_B_578794g.jpg Plus, old chicks are pretty cool also. Where their is an old chick, there’s gonna be pie. http://www.momlogic.com/cindy_mccain-thumb-225×309.jpg Remember, behind every good man, stands a great woman, or a shit load of booze.

Michelle Obama, Isn’t exactly poor either. She’s actually an attorney, just like Claire Huxtable http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/02_03/ObamaMOS2601_468×623.jpg Just like Clair, she likes a night out on the town http://www.virginmedia.com/images/michelle-obama-dress-300×400.jpg Never the less, she’s still a family girl http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/02_01/obamaMOS0202_468×365.jpg She also does her best to stay fit, as she is clearly wearing some type of work-out gear in this pic http://blackademics.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/michelle-obama.jpg She met Obama at the Law firm they both worked at. Her job was to “mentor” him, and what a job she did http://neveryetmelted.com/wp-images/MichelleObama1.jpg Talk about “fringe” benefits, that law firm must rock. She’s pretty tall too, which gives her that “bad” Bond-girl vibe http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/069W9c2fi37NL/610x.jpg Quick internet research has shown the reason she is so tall, is because her brother is a basketball coach at Oregon State. Don’t let any of this fool you though, a good woman never lets her man too far out of her sight. http://i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb248/nathanmorton_photos/MichelleObama4.jpg

Good luck, and may god bless America!

End Of An Era

Michigan, has officially been eliminated from being elligible to play in a bowl game this season. Going into this season they had played in a bowl game, for 33 straight seasons. With OSU still on their schedule, today was basically a formality, barring an upset over their hated rivals, that would put a little bit of polish, on a turd of a season. The 33 season streak, was the longest in the nation. Two questions come to mind. First, what has happened to Michigan, and how long will it take them to get back up? Being an OSU fan, just minutes away from campus, I find myself in the minority on the rooting for Michigan thing. Most Buckeye fans would love to see the Maize and Blue never win a game. Not me. They’re are rivals. You don’t want to be rivals with a losing program. If you want to be the best, you have to be able to go head to head with the best. Coke does not go into sales meetings targetting ways to take market share from RC Cola, they want to go after Pepsi. The state of Michigan is bad for my Buckeyes. The farther they fall from the top, the harder it will be for us to get their ourselves. Michigan, though struggling pretty much all season, has done it in a multitude of ways. Against Utah, they almost came from behind to win it, despite no Offense the entire game. Had Utah punted on first down the whole 2nd half, Michigan would have lost by at least 14. Against Wisconisn, they again had no offense, but for some reason Wisconsin decided to stop running, and Michigans defense rose up, and got them the win. This week, both Michigan, and Purdue broke out of their scoring drought’s, as each team passed 40 points. Going in, I said this might be the best defense Dick-Rod has ever had. Maybe not, Purdue put up almost 50 on them. So Michigan has at least found a way to score points, hopefully they can build on that and go into next year with some confidence in the new offense. The entire league as a whole suffers when Michigan suffers. The Big ten is still down, no bones about it. With no Michigan to rely on, Bowl season could be ugly. Penn state is not that good. If they face a USC, or a Florida, it could be another embarrasment for the Big Ten in a bowl game. Goin into today, Minnesota was in contention for a major Bowl, having a loss to OSU as the only blemish on their record. Can you imagine what would happen if Minnesota went to the Rose Bowl, and Penn State went to the title game. The league would lose those games by a combined 180 points. The Big Ten would be forced to quit football and become a Hockey only league. Wisconsin shat away another win, and now MSU is looking at the 3rd spot in the league. The 3rd spot could likely end up playing LSU, Florida, Georgia, and still maybe Alabama in a bowl game Jan. 1st. Unless that matchup goes to OSU, That could be the lowest day Big Ten football has seen in decades. I know PSU is undefeated, but come on, lets all root for them to stay #3 or lower, and pray that they don’t see USC in the Rose Bowl. Until Michigan can get back up, the Big ten has no shot. OSU is the only hope right now, and it ain’t there this year. So no matter how hard it is for Buckeye fans to do it, rooting for Michigan should be mandatory in the midwest. They still suck, really, really bad, just like I said they would. Since they have no shot at anything this year, it’s cool to root for them to lose all the rest this season. So don’t feel bad about laughing after that Toledo loss.

Has anyone been watching any of the 900 daily election polls? One I saw this morning had asked people 2 questions. Who they would vote for, and who they thought would be a better president. The results were not even close. Who the hell is voting for someone, even though they think the other person would be better? This is not football people. Don’t vote for someone just caus ethey are on your “team”. They should have these two questions on all the ballots. If you answer differently on each, your ballot should be thrown away without counting, seeing as how you are retarded.