I’m back America

I’ve decided to stay. My plans at creating my own nation are no more. I’m back on board for the American dream. After a lot of soul searching, I found something, that only the greatest land in the world could provide. Tonight, I found something so beautiful, that I can honestly say for the first time in my life, I’m proud of my country. No, not Obama, he’s still a dick, but I do like wouting his wife. I’m talking about crushed graham cracker crumbs. I am going to make a cheesecake, a pumpkin cheesecake to be exact, and needed some graham cracker crumbs for the crust. Thanks to the land of oppurtunity, the crumbs come pre-crumbled, and in a box, ready to go. In the past the act of actually crushing a bunch of graham crackers, to get the crumbs, could take as long as one minute. Having to actually take a packet of graham crackers in your hands, and then squeeze them, it just seems like something they do in third world nations. We’re better than that, we need any easier way. A way that saves us that one minute of our precious time. Time I could not afford to waste. Now, with all the leg work done, and the crackers already crushed, I can use that time for things like beer, college basketball, and pornography. Thank you America.

Another fine victory over that team up north also helps me be patriotic. Five in a row. Never thought I’d see it, but I have. The craziest part is, 7 in a row is a real possibillity. Gotta figure with everything the Buckeyes have coming back, they’ll have a good shot next year in Ann Arborisawhore. Figure year three of the Dick-Rod era is when the maize and blue will really start clicking, and that will put them back in the show, against a Jr. Terrel Pryor, making his third start. Now any real Buckeye fan knows, that counting chickens before they hatch, leads to things like Mauric Clarrett. So without looking ahead, when we are in a pretty good era of Buckeye sports, be thankfull for everything this team has given all of us the last several years. Despite to blown BCS championships, this has been an amazing run, with some of the best players this program has seen. Through the history of College football, most programs have never even sniffed a run like the one the Buckeyes are on now. These are the glory days.

Some folks however, seem to have a real problem with OSU as a whole. Take Bob “who wants to hear me talk” Griese. Ole shit for brains Griese decided that as soon as the score got to 35-7, and Tressel put in Todd Boekman, it was time to get out of the soapbox. Never mind that Griese is paid to analize the game, not sit and spew stupidity, like Mark May, or a talk radio host. Never mind that an entire quarter of football was still to be played. No, Bob had to let us all know what a horrible job of coaching Tressel did, and what a disservice he had done by benching Boekman for Pryor. I like Boekman, but Griese is a jackass. He claimed that OSU would have beaten Penn State, with Boekman. They may have. Then what? After the USC loss, there was no way in hell any pollster was going to allow OSU to see the title game. No chance. So we get a rose bowl match-up vs. Oregon state? Or a rematch against an angry USC? The bucks would destroy Oregon State. That spread would be in the mid-twenties. Ohio State vs. Oregon state, Boekman would get to play in that game, cause we’d be up 35-7, just like they were aginst our biggest rival last weekend. If Tress would have stuck with Boekman, we would have piled up a few more points against teams like Purdue, but at some point the fact that our offensive line sucks would have caught up with Boekman. He would get killed. last season, once MSU showed everyone how to beat the OSU offense (blitz, blitz, blitz) it was a different team. The vest made the right call going with Pryor. He came up just a play or two short of an outright league title, but his progress was sped up by one whole year. Dumb bastards like Bob Griese who clearly have not watched OSU play but one or two games have no business second guessing anyone. Griese used every chance he could get to argue his point. Did he not notice the score? Did he not notice the Co-Big Ten Championship? Pryors got a long way to go, but did he not see any of the plays he made while his O-line forgot to pass block? Yeah a lot of his passes are underthrown on deep routes, and some are a little wobbly, but that tends to happen when guys are running for their life. Did you see the bal that went about 70 in the air, the time he actually could set up and throw? Did you see he has the highest completion percentage in the confrence? Yes, we may have been slightly better this year with Boekman taking most the snaps. Then what? Pryor making his third start against…USC? That’s smart. A smart coach would stick with the same thing, no matter what. If it helps your program slightly, with no aid for it’s future, ya gotta go for it, right? So going by Griese’s logic, Dick-Rod should have used all the Lloyd Carr plays this year at Michigan. hey they would have beaten teams like Utah, and Toledo, and then be just as screwed next season. OSU, and Michigan, both took big steps for their future this year, at the cost of the current season. Two different results, same principle. Bob Griese is a turd, replacing Andre Ware as my nomination for turd of the year. In honor of Bob, I’ve decided on a new contest, just for him. Instead of WWYRB, how ’bout WKLACF? That’s Who Knows Less About College Football?

Bob Griese vs. Charlie Weis.

Bob Griese, as I mentioned before, is a turd. Too much time around Paul Mcquire has turned what was once a talented football mind, into the Dan Fouts of the Midwest. Bob, had an amazing career playing at Purdue, and with the Dolphins. His claim to fame is the “unbeaten” season, even though he pretty much just started the one game that year. Maybe it’s because his son played at UM, maybe it’s cause he was sad he was missing the purdue game, but Bob was very unhappy to be stuck announcin the greates rivalry in college football. For basically the final 12 minutes of the game, fans had no choice but to hear Bob thoughts on Todd Boekman, no matter what was actually happening on the field. bob Claimed, OSU would have been far better, going with Boekman, instead of the freshman Pryor. Anyone who knows anything about recruiting knows that starting as a freshman isn’t something any recruit wants to be a part of. Bob is also the father of Brian Griese, who holds the honor of being the worst QB on 4 different teams, including teams with guys like Bubby Brister, Jay Fiedler, Jake Plummer, and Rex Grossman. He was however the MVP of the 1997 Rose bowl, a game that is still technically not over.

Charlie Weis, is just a genius. Like the fat, out of work loser who lives in his mom’s basement, despite his self pronounced genius status, and numerous YMCA chess titles, becuase he’s just too smart, and too valuable for a “normal” job. Charlie is just too smart for his own good. He’s actually managed to “screw up” what Tyrone Willingham had going. Besides being the smartest man alive, he also holds the record for the largest uterus, with out being pregnant for triplets. Charlie was “the genius” behind the Patriots superbowl titles. Even though statistically they got better after he left, and were more known for Adam Vinatieri and a good defense while he was there. Notre Dame went from, a young team who was on the way back to greatness, to a MAC school. At his first press confrence after taking the job he said “we will have a decided schematic advantage” Apparently he meant sucking so bad that teams no longer brought their A game to take on Notre Dame, thus allowing the irish to sneak up on opponents. I recently read an article about Charlie Weis flying to Hawaii and back to recruit a high school linebacker. The kid was rumored to be a USC fan, and is of the Mormon faith. I gotta think, as the coach of the countries predominant catholic school, is a Mormon hawiian kid really what you want to be going after? Nothing against mormons as football players. I’ve always said Donny Osmond would have been the original John Lynch, had he chose football over singing, and sister banging. But, doesn’t the whole Mormon thing put ND at a dissadvantage? Doesn’t the dude from Rudi have some kids who could play? Does three time heisman trophy winner Ron Powlus have any eligibillity left. Charlie Weis, despite getting supposedly top recruiting classes year after year, is just too intelligent to win.

There you have it america, lets see who you think knows less about football