Great Moments In Tailgating History Vol:6

The Game. OSU vs. Michigan November 24th 2001

A little less than a year prior. Newly Hired football coach Jim Tressell, announced to an anxious crowd of fans at an OSU vs. UM basketball game, that big things were coming for the Ohio State football program, especially in regards to their rival up north, Michigan. This game was going to be played AFTER thanksgiving, and at 1:00 p.m. a rather strange, and unexpected starting time.

A group of friends and I headed north the day before the game. Full of leftover turkey, and nervous thoughts about what we were getting into, we headed into enemy territory. This was a road game, in Ann Arbor michigan, home of our hated rivals. We had plenty of practice for home games. Waking up, getting trashed, and being complete assholes was our specialty. Our parents were proud. Everything was different here. Strange, city, strange people, in a strange state. As we drove onto campus we passed the big house. It looked surprisingly small from the outside. We headed to a mutual friends apartment. The complex he lived in was all student living quarters. Shaped like a block U, his apartment was on the north side of the courtyard, on the 2nd floor. We noticed a lone OSU flag on a balcony, and saluted as we passed. The natives were restless. After greeting our host, we started the cocktail hour. We watched the annual day after thanksgiving showdown on t.v. then headed out to one of his neighbors parties. An entire apartment full of wolverine fans awaited us. They had deep fried turkey, and beer, so there was no need to immediately pee on their toothbrushes, but I still did. I later found outmy friend Trav, had done the same. They had little respect for us, as Michigan had owned this series as of late. After putting up with their insults long enough, we headed to the bars. We were there for only a few minutes, before we noticed an unexpected number of OSU fans. I saw dudes in OSU gear, Blue Jackets gear, even Bengals gear. We ran into people we went to high school with. One of the OSU coaches daughters was there. We were stealing the home field advantage, in an Ann Arbor campus bar. This was a good barometer of things to come. After a good nights sleep on a chair, we awoke to the michigan fight song. Booze would be the only way to get through this mess. Captain Morgan and O.J. mixed with breakfast from a gas station was the fuel for this fire. As we slowly got dressed in our gameday finest, we headed to the balcony. That OSU flag was now flying high on the neighbors balcony. They were fat chicks who graduated from OSU and were there for law school at U.M. Apparently they had not read about the declining status of UM’s Law program. Some fans drinking on the balcony above them had reached down and stolen the OSU flag! They celebrated, as the entire complex cheered them on. The law school chicks begged for the flag back. Every other balcony begged them not to. The people who had stolen it, reached out over their railing, and tossed it onto the roof. All was lost. This would not stand. At times like this, young women in trouble, outnumbered by an enemy of inbred swine, a hero was needed. That hero would be me. It was pretty much decided that that flag had to hang high for the buckeyes to have a chance. Those fat chicks, and that team needed me. Since I had drank the most so far, and could be talked into anything I was nominated to get the flag back. A true friend, (who was rooting for michigan, and could not be trusted) tried to talk me out of climbing up the face of a three story building, while drunk, to rescue a $20.00 flag for strangers. I told him I would not try and climb up the series of balconies, as it was not safe, I was too drunk, and the michigan fans would intervene. I decided to outsmart him, and announced I was going in to “pee”. I hatched out a plan with another of my pals, who may or may not have wanted to see me fall, and be wheelchair bound. The plan was to go outside, to the back of the building, and climb up the downspouts of the brick building all the way to the roof. Spider man was coming out in theatres soon, and was thus my inspiration. Seeing as how I had only slept for about 3 hours, had yet to be arrested, and had been drinking for about 3 hours, I was invincible. I went out the rear fire exit, when the winds of fate blew upon me. A rainstorm was coming in, and the wind had blown the flag completely over the roof, onto the ground. It was laying there like the holy grail, literally 5 feet in front of me. I contemplated my next move as I grabbed the great flag from that dirty michigan parking lot. I lingered about for a few minutes, partly to decide how I was going to take the flag through the lions den of Michigan fans, partly to make people think I was actually climbing up the building. There was only one way to get this flag back. I bursted through the exterior door into the courtyard, hoisting the flag high a la Brutus Buckeye leading the greatest team in all the land onto the field. I stopped in the middle of the courtyard and waived the buckeye flag with pride, to the delight of m fellow OSU fans. My glory was short lived as the michigan fans above me started chucking beer cans and chicken wings down upon me. I gave the flag back to the fat chicks, who pretty much would have done anything i asked of them, but their was no time, and they were pretty fat. Game time was nearing. We approached the stadium, posed for a few pics, and wondered where all the other fans were. The guy at the gate informed us, it was only 11:30 and the game was at 1:00. We had brought flasks, but they would only last so long. It was time to find more booze. Luckilly our one buddy knew a family friend who lived about a block away, and they were tailgating. There’s pretty much a normal neighborhood accross the street from the Big House. Unlike in columbus, this was not shitty run down student housing. This was a family, and they were having a party on the lawn. They were extremely nice as far as hosts go. Knowing only my one friends parents, they gave us free range of everything from the beer supply, to the buffet of food. They even let my one friend take a dump in their house. After a few more unnecessary beers, and some pretty rockin goulash, it was actually game time.

One thing that surprises every OSU fan, when they make their first trip to the Big House, is the men’s room. After a lifetime of loathing the Maize and blue, and a day and a half of debauchery, I was ready to get into the stadium, and pee on it, in as many places as possible. They had outsmarted me. The whole restroom is one big trough, with water trickling down the walls. They want you to pee on the walls. Being a good guest, I did just that, a lot. As we descended the stairs to our seats, surrounded by a whole lot of UM students, we were welcomed with a chorus of boo’s, and a barrage of flying marshmallows. Though delicious, marshmallows can get very sticky when you get hit with one in a steady drizzle. Despite the restless native’s, our flasks, and our Buckeyes held up, and victory was ours. For some reason, none of the Michigan fans wanted to stick around afterwards, so the stadium belonged to the fans of the scarlet and gray. As we met up with more fans we knew, and posed for pictures, we were on top of the world, watching a victorious tressell, lead his team in the best rendition of Carmen Ohio, I have ever heard. A great day indeed.