Fall Classics

One of the greatest time’s of the year is upon us. Middle of October, the leave’s are changing, the air is a little crisper, football is in full swing, and the baseball season comes to an end. It also means dozens of little bastards trying to take my candy. I’m not sure if trick-or-treat in my neighborhood is thursday or friday, but I can feel it coming. It looms there, taunting me. The one little dude on my left shoulder telling me how fun it is for all the kids to get candy from strangers, and passing out candy is my civic duty. The little dude on my right shoulder, is way more fun to listen to. He tells me “screw those kids, if they want candy they can get a job”. I finally gave in and tore into a bag of mini-snickers my wife “told” me not to eat. It’s cute how naive she is, but I know she wants me to have that candy. If she really didn’t want me to buy it, she would have bought shittier candy. You get a big bag of mini-packs of sweet-tarts, or some craisin’s, I’ll avoif it like it the plague. I’ll give in and pass out candy again, but I won’t be happy about it. This year I am gonna be more strict with the candy passing out. I let the little kids take what they want, but I need to be more stern with the older kids. If you are taller than me, have fun egging my truck, because you are getting shut out. If you are cute, or handi-capped, my heart goes out to you, and you can rob me blind, take what you want. Some kids though, are too damn old to be trick-or-treating. They need to realize they are going to grow up to be tool bags, and that they need to give it up. We need to have strict guidelines for when kids have to stop going door to door asking for candy. My method is if they are taller than me, or they drove there, tough shit. I do have a soft spot in my heart for the little guys though. Last year I loaded up a few select youngster’s. The kid in the full Blue Jacket’s uni, complete with blood, black-eye, and missing tooth got a shitload, and Optimist Prime, Bengals player, and Darth Vader all scored biug time at my house. I may give in and do something for the older kids. Maybe I can pass out playboy’s or something.

The World Series is upon us. Last year at this time I was painting what is now my son’s bedroom, listening to OSU talk radio, and the World Series. Ah memories. This World Series is already certain to be better, having no Red Sox. I’m pulling for the Rays. They are the feel good story of the year, blah, blah, blah. I hate it when people say things are “feel good” stories. I bet if people who say that, ever got laid, or took a really big dump, they would have a more realistic view as to what “feels good”. No the real reason I am pulling for Tampa, is a year ago they sucked really, really, bad, and I just so happen to be a fan of another team that sucks, really, really, bad. The Cincinnati Reds. Can we be the Rays of ‘09? Doubt it, but a boy can dream. If Philly wins, that’s cool also, I just want a good series, close games, hopefully even going to game 7. Besides, it’s always sunny in Philadelphia. Which is the best show on t.v. thursday at 10:00 on FX.