It’s Back!

Tonight, I was reunited with one of lifes great pleasures. A passion of mine, has returned, and is better than ever. I’ve been without it for several months, but we didn’t miss a beat, once reunited. At 7:00 P.M tonight, the real deal was back, and better than ever. No not the NFL. I had the McRib! They kinda changed the bun, I think it might be some shitty wheat bread, but they countered that with extra sauce, so my cholesterol didn’t miss a beat, although someday, my heart likely will. My love of barbeque sandwhiches is well documented. BBQ Pork, even more so. Even though nobody knows for sure, which animal, or animals the McRib comes from, it doesn’t really matter. Whether it be a pig, a cow, a panda, some winged critter, or some combination of critters. It makes one hell of a sandwhich. As a young boy, I lead a simple life. Not a whole lot went down in my neck of the woods, worth getting excited over, besides finding the neighbor guys Penthouse collection, and the Bear that stole mine. However, when the McRib would come back, I pretty much went apeshit. I was usually a little bastard all the time, but this level increased ten-fold, when the mcRib came around. I’d throw a fit, wet my pants, and scream, until I got one. I often would blackmail my parents, or pretend I was calling child services, just to get them to drive me on a McRib run. All these magical memories came flowing back tonight. One might ask, ‘what the fuck were you doing at McDonalds on a thursday night’? Not just any ole McDonalds either. I was at one in a little pocket of hell known as Bellefontaine Ohio. There’s pretty much no reason to ever travel to this town, unless you are passing through, or doing a documentary on Meth Labs. I however, did have a reason. This was the halfway point between to fantabulous cities in Ohio, Lima, and Columbus. This was the logical meeting point for us to pick up the singel most valuable objects in Ohio this time of year. Buckeye Season Tickets. I got tickets, and a McRib tonight, at the expense of watching the NFL’s first game. From what I saw of the end, it was a shitty game, and I think I came out on top, even though the McRib seems to be fighting back. A McRib, and football tickets, to the most heralded rivalry in all of sport. Ohio State, vs. plain Ohio. I won’t get to use the tickets, cause I’ll be at a damn wedding, but it always makes one feel etter to have tickets to something, especially in columbus. Around these parts, you can get just about anyone to do anything for Buckeye tickets. Getting girls to show you there boobs, getting dudes to kiss eachother, you name it. I feel it should be illegal to get married during buckeye games. Last year I was in a wedding during a game. The game should have been over, but ABC thought the Ohio State, vs. Northwestern game would be better suited as a 3:00 game, and I was given access to free booze, and a hot microphone, so I let that one slide. Weddings are supposed to be about, love, joy, and emasculation. How can one experience these things fully, when their thoughts, are on the gridiron? This should be the first thing the next president addresses.

Which brings me to our next point. As the convention’s come to a close, and the race goes into the home stretch, there’s one thing that stands out to me. This Sarah Palin lady, is pretty hot. I can’t deny it, theres just something about her. She’s got that look of a teacher, who might also moonlight as a stripper, and I’m a sucker for that. Most guys have debated with themself, whether or not Tina Fey is hot. Well Mrs. Palin is what Tina Fey would look like if she were hot. Since she may one day be our Vice President, or even the Commander in Chief. It’s probably not a good idea to have her as a contestant in the who would you rather bang series, but the way this economy is going, we can’t afford not to.

Sarah Palin vs.  Mary Todd Lincoln.

Sarah Palin, is from alaska, she’s like a governor or something, and I think she may have also killed some whales or eskimo’s. http://beldar.blogs.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/06/08/palin_campaigning.jpg 

Word is that on a recent trip to Ohio, she visited a little store known as the Buckeye Corner, and purchased some cheerleader outfits. Exactly.

Mrs. Lincoln is best known, as the worst person in the world to let pick which play to go see. She was married to Abe Lincoln, and one doesn’t have to wonder what he saw in her. http://americancivilwar.com/women/mary_todd_lincoln.jpg I’m guessing that it was because she was sooo hot, the secret service guys were distracted that night.

This one could go down to the wire.