Chris poops in a cornfield.
July 31, 2008
So moving away from the whole shark asshole thing. Yesterday, I again had to go back to this job site in the middle of nowhere. I was a little tired from being up all night enjoying shark week, and pissing off the science committee. I had to turn to about 5 cups of coffee before I headed out. About 2 miles off the highway, I thought I may be in trouble. As I got further away from civilization, I realized I had no choice but to keep on trucking towards my destination, hoping they still had a port-o-shitter. They did not. Nor was I the only person there. Lucky for me, this little corner of hell was filled with cornfields, and I follow my own advice, to always have a bunch of napkins. So yeah, I crapped in a cornfield, and people saw me go in, and out, but it was all good. I highly recommend it.
I also had some great news when I got home. I saw a letter from my doctor in the mailbox. This had to be the results of the poison ivy blood test. I was negative on a whole bunch of tests they had ran, which ironically means good. There was a whole second section of tests they also ran. It was tests for like 4 types of Hepatitis. I thought my doc was concerned about something, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. His hand was revealed. I’ve been looking online at reason’s why hepatitis would cause backlashes ith poison ivy. There is none. All I can think of, is that I must just look like a dude with hepatitis. Not sure what aspect it is, but it’s there. You know how you can look at a chick, and guess when she’s got PMS. Maybe it works with hepatitis as well. I always thought that If I looked like I had an STD, it would be crabs. Fortunately, my doctor has no eye for these things, as he went to northwestern, and sucks, and I don’t have any of the Hep’s I was tested for. Negative is a good thing.
So I thought the best way to move away from the whole hepatitis/shark thing, with another round of who would you rather bang. Lately, I’ve been making it way too easy on everyone. The options have all been great, which sucks. It’s time to test everyone’s metal. No more win, win scenarios here. back to what got us here.
Hillary Clinton vs. Blanche from the golden girls.
Our first challenger, has been called a lot of things in her days. Hottie is not one of them. Despite this, she still presses on. she married young, in the peak of her youth http://www.moonbattery.com/bill-hillary-clinton.jpg Refusing to just be some trophy wife http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b323/patfish/political%20tidbits/billandhill.jpg she pressed on. Eventually, she would become a mother, and learned to defend her nest by attacking any other females who encroached on her territory. http://images.pictopia.com.edgesuite.net/perl/get_image?size=520_art&provider_id=38&ptp_photo_id=1000483 Her marriage has seen some rough time’s, and she may not ever get to be president, but damn it she presses on. Always remembering to put on her best face, and light up the room. http://media.photobucket.com/image/hillary%20clinton/foxxmarc/clinton/hillary.jpg?o=18
her opponent, is a seasoned veteran herself. Rue mcClanahan, or Blanche, as she likes to be called, may be a little past her prime, but like a fine wine, she gets better with age. http://www.imdb.com/media/rm121805568/nm0001516 She’s got a pretty solid background, and is rumored to be a bit of a wildcat. She’s also been known to be a bit of a cougar http://www.theatermania.com/news/images/10534b.jpg so watch out.
I go back on what I said earlier. these are two fine choices, and I’m sure everyone who votes on this will lose hours of sleep debating which of these gems they’d want to take home to mama. So take your time, don’t rush into anything, and god speed.
I’m really glad you don’t have the hep. No comment on Hillary vs. Blanche. Lots o’ amish around Mt Sterling way, they are no strangers to dropping shite bombs in fields and definitely accustomed to not washing their hands afterwards. Thats what I never understood about peoples obsession about buying food and other stupid stuff from amish people. It’s full of dirty amish penis and asshole germs, folks! We were raised to put absolutely no value to amish lore on Watkins Road. Their pies suck balls and I could build a better barn with a crew of kindergardners with playskool hammers.
Watkins Rd is the only place on earth where the residents consider the Amish lazy. Only the Welsh have a work ethic to put Anabaptists to shame. Lazy Germans.
On to important business. Blanche hands down. Frankly, I would rather bang Sasquatch before Hillary, not just because i’m a republican but because i have poor luck with sixty year old lesbian bitches and she would probably have me killed afterwards, which is how i always believed Vince Foster got it. Plus I always remember Blanche being the wildcat of the golden girls. In one episode she dated Bill “the Spaceman” Lee, who played an ex-ballplayer that gave up a key home run to Tony Perez in game 7 of the 1975 World Series, not much acting involved and not as sexy as Bea Arthur.
Amish pies kick ass…. Yoder’s in Sarasota, Florida is world famous…..
I threw up in my mouth thinking about this installment of WWYRB…. if you like a chick to put on a strap-on and nail you from behind, Hilary would be the choice… she’s a hardcore bitch
Blanche is my choice… I’d down a bottle of woodford reserve first and leave the door unlocked (in case Betty White wanted to join in)
Blanche.. If bill won’t stick his dick in her, you know its bad.
I was going to have Betty White in here, until I saw some pics of her when she was young. She was actually smokin hot, and still is for that matter. So just for the residual hottness passed on from Betty White, and the free pet-meds, I’m going with Blanche. Hillary makes me wet the bed at night, and not in the good way, like chelsea does.
Lynch, I’m with you on the Woodford Reserve before a romp in the sack with Blanche and hoping betty white joins in.
Unfortunately, the amish pies in Florida comment struck me as a bit odd. Everyone knows that there are no amish in Florida, as they cant dig below soil grade to have basements to store their canned goods and sawdust covered ice blocks. Plus, aligators would eat all of their horses and unbathed children that smell like horses. These so called amish pies in Sarasota are obviously filled with cocaine.
I am not one for Amish food, everyone knows grandmas form Gomer make the best pies! I do however love their furniture. Those of us not lucky enough to have a dad who loves to build things. But for WWYRB Blanch def. I remember an episode where she had fuzzy handcuffs that matched her shoes. I can’t believe our parents let us watch that show when we were little.