Running Man

Is there a reason every dude who motivates themself to go joggin around town, has to have his shirt off? Am I the only one who has to fight the urge to “acidentally” run them down in my truck? I get the fitness thing, good for them. I don’t get why they have to find the need to be topless, and sweaty. Maybe it’s my homophobia, but I could deal without it. I understand, you have abs, and are really proud of that. let me clue you in on a little secret. If you go running with no shirt on, you are a homosexual. Plain and simple. I can understand if it’s hot out, which it is, you want to cool off, but then you should have ran on a treadmill, in a gym with air conditioning. If you want to get a tan, stand still. Everyone at some point in there life should be “ripped” in some way, body wise. Wether it be for a few months as a pre-pubescent boy, playing in the yard, or if you have the motivation to maintain it. Either way, being fit is something everyone has been at one point, and it dosn’t make you special. If you’re fat, then you really should have your shirt on. But, good for you, on the running thing. About 75% of the dudes I see running, have no shirt. They never even had one to start, so that throws out the whole, “took it off because I was hot” thing. Clearly these dueche bags seem to think, that at any moment a car full of hot young college girls is going to be soooo enthralled by the sight of their glistening topless body, that they will pull over, and beg them for sex. Too bad, it’s never going to happen. The only person who’s going to pull over and beg you for sex, is gay dudes, which proves my theory that if you run with no shirt on you are gay. It’s cool there’s nothing wrong with that. Save yourself the trouble, and come out of the closet now. Go buy some mesh tanktops, and grow a mustache. If you do it now, you’ll make the who midlife crisis thing that much easier on your whole family. They’ve seen you running shirtless, they already have suspicions. Wake up and realize, that your gay. Society will accept you sooner or later. Why waste anytime fighting the enevitable. If you interview any of the dudes who have wives, and kids, and then BAM! gay, I garuntee, they used to run shirtless all the time. Now in Columbus, Chicks are allowed to be topless in public. So if any ladies want to run topless feel free. It’s a beautiful thing, and I encourage it. Sports bras are soo 1990’s. Then people will pull over and beg you for sex. You’ll probably get hit over the head, tied up, and thrown in the back of the van, but take one for the team ladies. If you are a lady, and want to jog topless, try and be hot though. You don’t want some bastard mistaking you for a hairy dude, and running you over in his truck.

Speaking of hotties. i got a bone to pick with the olympics. We’re really missing the boat by not sending hot chicks over for the olympics. Have you seen the female olympians? Theres like 4 lookers in the whole bunch. A lot of the events have them in swimsuits. Forget the specailly designed “fast” suits, bust out the string bikini’s. These ladies could audition for the sequel to 300. This was our chance to promote hot ladies, and make the shitty sports entertaining. I turned on the beach volleyball, and was highly dissapointed. Chicks with abs are pretty hot. Chicks with Back Abs, and guns makes me think “Pre-Op” Theres a lot of things a guy wants to see on a womans upper leg. Bulging veins is not one of them. Plus think how much extra money the hot chicks would get for things like, blackmail, and child support, from the male olympians like Kobe Bryant. We wouldn’t even have to pay for their meals, which would be nothing but Vodka, Diet Coke, and marlboro lights anyway. Other countries hate us enough. We shouldn’t be sending over testosterone filled shemales who will dominate everything. Instead send over hooters girls, and strippers. The countries that hate america, will change their mind on how they feel about us, when a bunch of bouncy-bikini clad coeds finish dead last. This would also boost the national morale of the shitty countries, who send over one person just to compete, and show the olympic spirit. Plus the sponsorship thing would be a lot cooler than Morgan Freeman voice overs for things like Coke, and Visa. Companies like Casino’s and Budweiser, and Godaddy.com would bust the bank trying to write sponsorship checks. The leftover cash would be enough to balance our national budget and fix social security. there’d be enough left over to buy our “athletes” more marlboro lights, and well vodka drinks.