Reality Check

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of going to my first Indy Car race, at the Mid-Ohio race track. It was pretty sweet, if I do say so myself. Most of the time, i didn’t know who was winning, and I only recognized a few of the cars. As usual, the drivers I was rooting for, managed to wreck, but still finished the race. I was hoping to see Danica crash into the wall, and then cry about it, but it wasn’t our day. I did manage to get one hell of a face sunburn. My skin is having a top-notch year. If I can just get a few cold sores, I’ll be all set. I was dissapointed, I didn’t get to see more euro-trash, but time is on my side there. the only downfall was that for whatever reason, 90 percent of the cars in our section never got out of the lot. After waiting an hour and a half, we decided to pull out, get in line, and hope whatever the delay was, would soon end. An hour later we had moved the length of the two cars that aborted their exit, and that was that. My guess is the two giant Marlboro tents had something to do with that.

On the way to the race, I was listening to ESPN radio, as usual. They mentioned how Carson Palmer had said some things that would upset OSU fans, so I took note. They played his interview with an L.A. sports radio station. When the interview was over, I wondered to myself, did they not play the offensive parts? Nothing he said was that bad. He was asked ‘what it was like being a USC Alum, living in buckeye nation’, ”what he thought of OSU football’, and ‘what he thought of this years OSU vs. USC game’. Everything he said is what you should expect a Former heisman winning QB from USC to say. Nothing derogatory was said about OSU, Tressell, or our mascot being a tree. He never piled on, on how we have been spanked in 2 straight title games, he never said we play in the weekest confrence, or are slow, or have fat cheerleaders. I figured a little fall-out from buckeye nation would be in store, and that was that. As of 10 a.m. yesterday, i am yet to see any sports programming mention the interview. then this morning, my f.m. listening comrades tipped me off to the outrage that was going down on the air. All day long, callers, and D.J’s have been barking rage at Carson. Some geniuses are calling for the bengals to cut him. One lady started a new trend, apparently she, and several others are going to gather up all their families carson palmer gear and burn it at the radio station. This will surely earn them a bumper sticker for the back of the 1992 mini-van. As one of the biggest Buckeye fans you’ll ever meet, All I can think is what the fuck? This is why people hate OSU. This is why we get a bad rap nationally. Are we really this fucking stupid? Come on people, we’re better than that. This type of OSU fan pisses me off. Did palmer say anything an OSU player living in Cali wouldn’t say? No. Did he personally attack anyone or anything OSU? No. To all the semi-retarded buckeye fans out there, here is some tips to help you negotiate through your worthless life. Not everyone likes OSU, infact some people hate OSU. When someone plays for another college, and then goes to Ohio to play on a pro team, they are still going to root for their alma matter. Carson Palmer, or Brady Quinn, are not going to say yeah, O-H! just so some truck driver from mansfield will be there new friend. I’m tired of rooting for teams with retarded fans, I really am. If Troy Smith goes to Cali-and plays for the raiders, he can still root for the buckeyes, even though he lives there now. The best part, is people hear the interview, and then their brain scrambles it into what they want to hear. I’ve heard it several times myself, and never heard the following, which several people I know seem to have heard. (“I hate Ohio State, I hate Wendy’s, I love Al-Qaeda, Pete Rose is gay, Jessie owens was on HGH, Jim Tressel is a tranny)No check all that, here is the new rules for everyone dealing with OSU. Even if you won the heisman trophy at USC, since you now live in Ohio, you have to root only for OSU. That would make the most sense. In the last 10 hours, I’ve received no less than 9 phone calls, from non-bengal fans, telling me how horrible carson Palmer is. Please, please, please, buckeye nation. Put down the retardo-juice for 5 minutes, and just realize, not everyone likes us, and it’s o.k. Life will go on. Just because one other person, has singular, and independant thoughts, dosn’t mean our world is coming to an end. We can still like who we like. we can still, complain over what must teams would consider blessings. we can still light shit on fire. Just don’t expect me to not root for a pro player, because he has the audacity to maintain allegiance to his alma matter. So in order to take a little heat off of my boy carson, whose name I lobbied to my wife to pass on to our first born child, I’m going to go out on a limb, and say the following. 90 percent of my fellow OSU fans are giant retards, who can’t name half of the offense, or defense at any given time. With any luck, we’ll have the great honor of being 3-time runners up at season’s end. If we are, we’ll still finish higher than 1oo or so other college teams. If not, Maurice Clarrett will be out in a year or so, so we have that to keep us proud.