Weekend Round-up

So the holiday season has come and past. No relatives of mine blew themself or anyone else up, but we still had fun anyway. A good time was had by all. Unlike the godless canadians, we celebrated our weekend in true patriotic fashion. There was a large gathering of my relatives. Usually when this many of them gets together, either somebody died, or stole a beer truck. Nobody died. I got to cook for about fitty people. So far none have contracted food poisoning. Sometimes it takes a couple days though. Unfortunately, when this many of my family members get together, someone is going to bring shit up about the flaws of either, the reds, the bengals, or the buckeyes. There’s just too many of them, spread out everywhere. This time it was the Buckeyes, who caused me the pain. Yes I have cousins who reside in none other than Baton Rouge LA. Home of those god damned purple tigers. I took their best all weekend long, and managed to give back a little also. If they find themselves pulled over by a Louisiana state trooper, they’re gonna have a real fun time explaining how somebody stashed a bunch of buckeye leaves, and live buckeye trees in their vehicle. When you bundle them up, they do look a lot like pot plants. They may have the crystal football, but we got the last laugh here. If there is any justice in this world, the transplanted buckeye plants will take root in that rotten soil, and grow a new, medical resistant breed of poison ivy, through-out all of SEC country.

A-Rod’s wife has filed for divorce. Oh no! How will I go on? Apparently, after all the things that have surfaced in the paper the last few years, the escort’s, the stripper’s, the gambling, the steroids. Mrs. Rod. finally had enough. Madonna. Reports surface a week or so ago, that the material girl was now linked to the yankees slugger. This makes me wonder. If you’re the highest paid Baseball player in history, how do you let Madonna be the one that ends your marriage? A-Rod was one of People’s 50 most beautiful people. He’s going to shatter the tainted home run record. He wipes his ass with $100’s, even when he hasn’t pooped. Is Madonna really the best he could pull? I don’t even think Madonna is the hottest gapped tooth chick he could have done it with. Michael Strahan, would have been waay cooler. A-rod’s wife isn’t even all that hot either. It’s not like he had a trophy wife who was just waiting to break his bank. He went through all that for nothing. He’s pretty much gonna lose at least half of a whole lot of cash. This should be a lesson to all the budding superstars out there. Resist the urge to marry the high school sweetheart, the girl with brains, or the girl who shares your passion for sports. You’re gonna fuck it up anyway. Go with the stripper. They have no soul, usually already have kids, and divorce judges have no sympathy for them. Besides, what could be better than going to the strip club your wife works at, to drop off the alimony check. You know they have change.

Hope all my loyal readers have returned from an exciting 4th of July weekend, and can come out of their beer induced haze, and play.