600

Congratulations to Ken Griffey Jr. on hitting his 600th home run. This epic shot puts him 4th on the all-time home run list for all of MLB. Note: The author does not recognize the career of either Sammy Sosa or Barry Bonds, so save the retarded comments. They can both be best described by Billy Ripkens bat from that sweet baseball card from 1988 “Fuck Face”. It’s been a long time coming, but griff finally pulled it off, and the reds will now trade him, while worthless Adam Dunn will be given a billion dollars to strikeout, drop balls, and hit solo home runs. Ever since he got to #599 they have been giving the pitchers “special” balls to throw to Griffey. These balls have a special logo, so they can be identified after they land in the stands, and the hologram will eliminate any fraud. I wonder if the umpire says to the pitcher as he hands him this ball, “here, we want you to use this one, because you suck, and will likely give up a homer” This has to piss off the pitcher, as it’s gotta mess with their head a little. This practice should be used all the time. Whenever a shitty pitcher takes the mound, they should use the left over special balls, because they just might give up the most runs ever (Josh Fogg).

Another thing I noticed is that a lot of unattractive people seem to be getting the good seats behind home plate, and at the dug-outs. It’s not just reds games. In Detroit tonight, a female manatee was sitting in the background of all left handed hitters. Baseball should only let hot people, and big fat party animals sit in these seats. Nobody is gonna turn on the game, see a group of hillbilly chicks and say “hey lets go to a reds game”. If the seats are filled with party animals and hot people, fans will flock to the park, buy way too many beers, then end up buying $7 beers for all the hot chicks in their section, wake up the next day alone, thinking, it was totally worth it. All this extra money would cancel out the advantage the big market teams have. Florida State’s football team has used this method for years. Ever wonder how no nerds or cows sit in the front row at FSU games. This also makes t.v. viewers forget about how Bobby Bowden sucks for a few minutes. So if you are hot, or likely to get really drunk and loud, go to a ball game, and I’ll tune in, and wish I was there.

Also. Good luck to Shelley, as she will attempt to set the world record for most consecutive hours spent watching the movie ‘Dirty Dancing’. Everyone say what you need to say to her now, after the 14th hour she will be legally retarded from too much exposure to Patrick Sawyze. Good luck also to her huband Steve, as he will attemp to either break his new t.v., or kill himslef.