Bruce Almighty

Tonight is the much anticipated debut of Reds phenom, Jay Bruce. The minor league MVP, and savior of cincinnati sports, is here, and ready for action. I expect nothing short of the reds going undefeated from here on out, except of course when Arroyo, and Belisle pitch, and then they’ll suck as usual. (as i type this, J.B. just got his 2nd hit, 1st RBI, and is now batting 1.000)

Hope everyone had a great memorial day weekend. Plenty of grilled meats, malted beverages, andmaybeeven some home made fireworks. This was obviously the case for me. It was a busy weekend for the thomas clan, as we tried to fit in family gatherings, graduation parties, fishing and beer, into just over two days. I did manage to catch a bass finally. Since rudi has decided that he is no longer going to behave at all, he now chases my lure and barks at me, andmustbe stopped. Fishing under these conditions is less than ideal, to say the least. I may need some helpful hints as to the best way to handle this hound, so I can fish. I need to find a way to keep him from ruining my little moments of zen while fishing, that will shut him up, but not ruin my standing with the wife, or PETA. As of now, I’m leaning towards waterboarding his little ass.

Was I the only one that wanted to see Danica Patrick get her ass kicked? Look I know she got wrecked, and it was clearly the other guys fault, but come on sweet cheeks. She got hit by a rookie, who lost control trying to leave the pits. A third of the cars were rookies, every 15 minutes the race would get stopped because of a wreck. It happens. She had every right to be pissed, not to act like a child, or tony stewart. Her crew tried to grab her, and she shoved them away, and they just said whatever. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Her car had no chance of winning, maybe she could have finished in the top ten, who knows. Shoving your crew chief, and walking down the pits like clint eastwood, is really intimidating when you weigh 90 pounds. I’ve been a mild Danica fan to this point, but it’s time to put the ho on a leash. Say she gets to the other guys pit. Then what? Does she yell? Shove? or even hit him? So what can he do? She weighs 90 pounds and is a girl, there is no recourse. If I were an indydriver, I’d be scanning the infield for the biggest nastiest biker chick I could find, give her a firesuit, and a pitpass, just to be on alert in case the diva came at me, and then watch her get her pampered ass stomped. Mario Andretti, one of the biggest names in indyracing has just one win at Indy. Lots of times he had the bad luck, of getting hit by other drivers, it happens. How often did you see him stomping down pit row, looking to throw down? Even if he did, he’d be doing so knowing the other guy could fight back. It’s like American league pitchers throwing at peoples heads knowing they’ll never see the recourse. She’s a woman driver after all, she was bound to crash sooner or later, or forget to put her gas cap back on. Even if she won, she’d forget where she parked, and have to call AAA. Now, if she wants to get all oiled up, andwrestle around, with another drivers hot wife, then I’m all for it.

On a side note, I did get my license renewed, and am back in good standing with the great state of Ohio. One downfall to this, was I finally had to update some of the stats on my license. I am no longer listed as the svelte 160 pounds I was when I turned 16. I am an organ donor though. What a disappointment that’s gonna be for some poor bastard. “well the liver replacement surgery went great, but the bad news is now you have cirrhosis, and a new form of the clap” This is just one more reason, I should be a shoe in for TIME magazines man of the year next year.