Candy man

So today, when I was mowing the yard (part of todays physical activity) one of the neighborhood kids approached me selling candy for some dumb assed school function. The threat of getting ran down by a motorized push mower was enough to run off todays solicitor, but it got me thinking. Why do the schools, and their associated groups make kids sell candy and magazines? Wasn’t that the gayest thing ever when you were in 7thgrade? I remember every time the candy bar sales drive would come around, I always tried to convince my teacher to not make me do it. It’s not that I hate candy, it’s just retarded, and I never sold anything. I grew up in the middle of nowhere. I had two siblings who also would be forced to sell candy, so that divided all relatives into a third of what the other kids would get to sell. The only neighbors I ever talked to were also selling the same shitty candy bars, so that ruled out selling to neighbors. My parents both worked at schools (who were having candy drives) so that eliminated selling to their co-workers, which pretty well meant that I was going to have to eat all the candy bars, and then use my allowance to pay for overpriced candy bars. At least we got a free kewpee coupon. Oh wait. I was 12 and lived 20 miles from kewpee. We also had to sell magazines which the same arguments as above applied, only nobody wants to ask a middle school kid if they have subscriptions to ‘Asian skank” or ‘Hustler’. The dude who was in charge of the magazine sales was quite possibly the biggest Con-man ever. He looked exactly like ‘Gem Diamond’ the Con-man from saved by the bell. In fact, when we were in 8th grade we walked in on “con-man” in the boys restroom, and we all started pointing, laughing, and yelling “Con Man” Con Man” Con Man”! he ran off in shame. Only the gay kids and the apartment kids would ever sell enough candy or magazines to get any cool prizes either. Like, a limousine ride to Burger King for lunch, or one minute in the box-o-flying money.  As we got older, it was a different kind of Con-man. Remember the Jostens class ring dude? This guy was quite possiby the biggest butthole of all. He talked all the kids into begging their parents for $400 to buy a shitty ring they would give to a slutty chick, then forget about, and lose it, and never wear after about two month’s. Anywho, I think it’s time we stop making our kids sell gay stuff. If they try to sell it to you, run them off with a mower.

I saw that Jason Taylor lost the dancing with the stars. Personally, I’ve only see three episodes of this show.  Once I noticed all the dancing chicks were incredibly hot, I made a mental note to keep watching, then forgot. I do support jason taylor though, as like him, I hate Bill Parcell’s. Apparently when Taylor came back from a break in the show, he walked into Bill Parcell’s office, only to have Bill Parcells ignore him, and not speak to him or look at him. Bill Parcells is a fat bastard who had it not been for lawrence taylor being loaded on coke, and a bills dude missing a field goal. He’d be Brian Billick with man tits. Instead everyone thinks he’s a genius. The dolphins are going to suck bad this season. Jason Taylor will be better off retiring, moving to hollywood. Milking his quazi-fame for all it’s worth, and nail as many b-list actresses as he can, then take a job at ESPN.

As for todays stats.

Breakfast -yogurt, tea, energy-drink, Lunch -Ham & swiss on wheat, dr. pepper, Supper -Grilled chicken breast and corn, Brownie, and yuengling’s.

Activities – Jogged 200 yards to a Mexican time machine to pee, dropped off lunch to clay aiken, cut the grass really fast, as to scare off a  candy selling kid, sit-ups, push-ups.

Physical