A new leaf

So I wanted to give cleveland fans a day to let it sit in. You just got swept by one of the worst teams in baseball. Knocked out of first place by my bottom dwelling redlegs. Sweep! Thank you for giving me this moment. Earlier this year, you gave me one of the best gifts ever. When all hope was lost with my bengals, your soon to be playoff bound browns came to town, and sucked it up, knocking themselves out of the playoffs. A true christmas miracle. Now you gave me this. Even though you are all bastards, destined for a life of shame, you’re alright in my book. And the reds thank you too.

One morning, while feeding dylan his early morning bottle, I switched on the t.v. ever so quietly, so as not to disturb my sleeping wife, or my feeding son. Once the tv was on, I tried to slide the remote closer, without pissing of Dylan. As a new father, I still have to use two hands, one to hold him, the other to hold the bottle. When you mess up, and the bottle pulls away, you have one pissed off baby. Well I knocked the remote off the couch, and the batteries fell out (the battery cover, about a year ago, found it’s way into rudi’s digestive tract, and has never been seen again). So there I was, stuck watching the retarded today’s show. I again, tried to suck out my filings to spit them at the t.v. to either turn the channel, or turn it off. No luck. That hack dentist really put them in there tight. Luckilly, in between talking about panda bears, and George Clooney’s good looks, they had some fat chick on, who was using a blog to monitor, and post her fight to lose weight, for the whole world to see. I’ve decided to try this myself. So here we go. The first edition of the new Chris Thomas fitness diary. I have no way to weigh myself, since we have no scale, except for my fishing scale, but I’m pretty sure I exceed the 16 pound weight limit. I will however make daily, or weekly posts, as to what I have done, diet or excercise wise to get into shape. This will in no way sacrifice the normal blog postings, my 12 readers have come to love. So the WWYRB series will go on, as well as any updates in the world of german beer, and pulled pork sandwiches, and sports. This will help keep me motivated, so the world wide web can hold me accountable. I’m not going to run any marathon’s or find mental clarity on any long distance hikes. Instead I’m still going to eat way too much pork, and chicken wings, and see if I can start a new diet craze the world can benefit from. Instead of doing pilates or spin classes, I plan on donning a leotard, and leg warmers, and doing yard work at a really fast pace. I may drive around while wearing a garbage bag, and sweat suit, with the heater on full blast, like the wrestlers in high school. I may run, and lift weights, but may just play horse in my neighbors driveway. I’ll post my food consumption, and excercise here. So hold me accountable interneters. If anyone sees a youtube video of me in a pay by the hour motel room with a rack of ribs, call me out on it. If anyone else wants to join in, feel free. The only way I have to monitor my weight loss, short of going to a doctor, or buying a scale, is by jumping on th dog scale at Petsmart, or seeing how I fit in old clothes. Here I come prom Dress!

Todays meals included a ham salad sandwich from a gas station in greater cincinnati. This may not be healthy, but i’m counting on the eventual food poisoning to knock off at least 8 pounds. I also had tuna for supper. I did really no actual excercise, but I do plan on watching sports on t.v. so thats like subconcious excercise. I may even masturbate. That’s gotta be like 80 calories.

God speed.