My new hero.
May 16, 2008
For the last several years, I’ve loathed Derek Jeter, in many ways. Maybe it’s jealousy over the yankees sucess vs. that of my Reds in the past decade or so. Maybe it’s those dreamy eyes, and that perfect smile. Maybe it’s the money or the fame. Maybe it’s because he got to shower with Wade Boggs. I’ve decided to put all that behind me. Though I still suspect him of mass buggery, Derek jeter is my new hero. Knocking my former hero Andres Galaraga off his mighty perch. It’s no secret that he has been a man about town. Enjoying the fame, and success that comes with being the most popular yankee. Recently, Maxim Magazine, released it’s list of the top 100 hottest women in the world. Somehow they snubbed Food Network hottie Paula Deen, but I’ll let it slide this year. The big news, was that 6 of the women on the list have been linked romantically to Derek Jeter. Some are calling him ‘The Yankee Pimper’ or ‘The Sultan of Twat’. I call him my hero. So I’ve decided to do a Derek Jeter version of ‘Who would you rather bang?’.
here they are in no particular order (this way you can’t get mad if the black ones are last).
Jessica Biel – One of Dereks longer flames. Is one in shape hottie. http://www.free-celebrity.com/celeb-pics/jessica_biel/9/61205_nerblejessicabielgq05ao4_122_223lo.jpg her good looks are starting to get her some major roles. She’s about to get the same post Adam Sandler movie boost that Pete Sampras’ wife has been enjoying.
Jessica Alba – As many know, I’m a big fan of hers. According to one of the retarded entertainment shows my wife watches, jessica is knocked up. but don’t hold that against her. http://www.slutceleb.com/8/Jessica_Alba_great_nudes_jan08/images/alba_jessica29.jpg
Scarlett Johansson – or Scarlett and the Johansson’s as she likes to be called. http://celebs-porno.com/Scarlett_Johansson2/Scarlett_Johansson16.jpg She’s the resident blonde here, and is not knocked up that I know of.
Vanessa Minnillo – Let’s take a trip south of the border here. http://celebs-porno.com/Vanessa_Minnillo1/Vanessa_Minnillo9.jpg According to the aforementioned retarded celebrity shows, this chick is dating Nick Lachey, so you may see her at a reds game.
Mariah Carey – The old one of the bunch. went from hot to crazy, to fat to hot again. http://video-celebs.com/Mariah_Carey7/Mariah_Carey14.jpg
Gabrielle Union - chick I know the least about. http://video-celebs.com/Gabrielle_Union/Gabrielle_Union15.jpg But is still hot none the less.
So instead of just voting, please rank them in order of first to worst. If we just voted for one, everyone would end up picking Nick lachey, or Wade boggs.
Wow, there were three new CT Bloggers that made comments to your tornado blog:
1. Brokeback Billy
2. Bill Cosby
3. Ryan Freel
Andres Galaraga was your hero? I thought it was Andre Dawson?
I will once again abstain from the voting, but Wade Boggs once downed 27 beers on a cross country flight from Boston to Oakland…..so he automatically wins the coolest person award.
I’m going for onion booty Biel, Johansson, Carey, my MILF Alba, Union, then cock-teasing-Minnillo
He also nailed Jordana Brewster, one of my all-time favorites….
6. Vanessa Minnillo: any chick that likes Nick Lachey has issues
5. Mariah Carey: would have been #1 on this list in 1992
4. Jessica Alba: would have been #1 on this list if she wasn’t knocked up
3. Gabrielle Union: she’s the kind of moca coffee I like in the morning (check out Bad Boys II)
2. Jessica Biel: any chick that can get me to sit through an entire Freddie Prinze Jr. movie (Fever Pitch) is special
1. Scarlett Johansson: eventhough my grandpa always told me “never trust a girl named after a color”, she’s a 10
Paula Deen can kiss my ass
I forgot about fever pitch. I tuned in HBO one night, saw her in a bikini and kept on watching. It did have the greatest ending of all time. A douche makes it to the big leagues, and then gives up a homer to Ken Griffey Jr…..Oh if only life would imitate art. Giada is hot too.
1. Biel- I like any movie that Griffey hits a home run
2. Scarlet
3. Alba- I’ll let the pregnancy thing slide
4. Minnilo- That Lachey thing sent her down a few notches
5. Gabriel Unionn- Not enough information
6. Mariah- What is she, like 90?
On another note, did you see Manny Ramirez’s play the other day against the orioles? By far the sweetest play since Bo Jackson threw out Harold Reynolds in the Kingdome. He caught a line drive in the gap, jumped up the wall and gave a fan a high five, then threw the ball back to first base to complete a double play when Aubrey Huff went retarded. I thought Manny was crazy but that dude rocks!
It would have been better if he stopped an talked to the fan, while the runner tagged up and scored from first. But it was funny.
6 gabrielle union
5 scarlett johansson
4 mariah carey
3 vanessa minnillio
2 jessica alba
1 jessica biel
That derek is one lucky guy