Chris Sights a Tornado!

So yeah, I finally joined that elite group, that is mainly made up of residents of Oklahoma Trailer parks. The People who have seen a tornado, group. Actually I saw two, but one barely counted, as it was more like an angry cloud dingleberry than a destructive force of nature. Neither really did any damage, but they were twisters, all the same. So this past thursday, there I was. Driving back from Cincinnati late in the afternoon, Around 6 O’clock. The Radio was interrupted by reports of law enforcement confirming touchdown of a tornado running along I-71. They said a mile marker number, and an exit, and I thought to myself “sweet”. Then I saw both the aforementioned mile marker, and the exit in question. I began to hunt twisters. The sky wasn’t all that intimidating. Off to my left was a cloud with what looked like a nut sack below it, then a little tail spinning out of the bottom. Super sweet! My first tornado. It was gone before I could start playing with myself, or my cell phone. Then off to the right, I noticed the same “cloud nut sack” phenomenon. This time, an even bigger twister formed straight out of the bottom. No carnage could be seen as there was a forest in between myself, and the twister. Stupid Johnny Appleseed. This time, I had to call somebody. Apparently tornado’s make cell phone’s not work, because when I dialed, it did nothing. Once I was clear of the storm, I discovered People who knew I was in the area, had called to tell me about the storm. It never went through. Then my air conditioning stopped working completely. Not only did it not work, it was blowing hot air. All the gauges seemed fine, and the next day, the AC worked like a champ. This can only mean one thing. Weather is out to get me. Then this weekend, when I was going to be home all night on a friday, the reds get rained out, when they were going to be on in HD. Then, sunday, I had plans for some early morning bass fishing, only to watch a thunderstorm sweep through at 7 a.m. This makes 2 for 2 fishing trips cancelled due to shitty weather. I’m not taking this sitting down. I’ve officially declared a Jihad on weather. Global warming dosn’t got shit on me. From here on out, I’m doing whatever I can to combat our climate, and show it who’s boss. I’m going to start driving around in my truck, with a generator running in the back, just for the extra fumes. I might also spray aerosol hairspray cans out my window as I drive. At the grocery, when they ask, “paper, or plastic”. I’m taking both. Then I’ll proceed to burn the empties. My garden hose will be on full time now, just so I know I have new water in there whenever I might use it again. I’m also going to run the house A.C. full blast, then open all the windows, whenever it gets too hot outside. I may even flush before, and after I go potty. Weather, You’ve made a powerful enemy, my friend.