Adios Ocho

It’s finally here. The day I finally gave up defending the artist sometimes known as Ocho Cinco. Being the language expert I am, let me point out, that Chad Johnson knows little about spanish, and is shitty at math. Ocho Cinco is just 8, 5. Ochenta y Cinco is the proper name for the number 85. Besides that, he is a winey pussy, and his agent Drew Rosenblouse is a turd burglar. I’ve finally had enough of his bitching and wining. It started as complaining about the bengals not defending his criticism in the media. So what the bengals are a hard core aryan brother, and chad is their prison bitch? Then he claims they talked about trading him mid season, when they have turned down offers only a fool would pass up. they are fools. This is all a little game designed by his agent to get him more money. Ever since carson palmer yelled st him on monday night football, poor little chad has acted like a little girl scorned by the boy who popped her cherry. He’s now claiming he won’t play for the bengals any more. Fine. He’s at the most expendable position on the team, even though T.J. would be all they have left. At any given time, the bengals play 3-5 receivers. I’m sure we can draft two more who won’t bitch and cry the whole time. I’d also like to announce I am selling a Bengals #85 infant jersey, never worn. Sorry Jeffe. Poor Chad can’t stand it that his buddy T.J. has finally passed him up. Even though Ocho Cinco is a great player, it’s time to let him go. keeping him around will be a nightmare similar to T.O. and the Eagles. (also a Rosenblouse client). I say trade him to Dallas. They have an extra first rd. pick, and it would be the most exciting thing to ever happen in football. Imagine the cast of fuck ups they would have. Tank ‘Tech-9′ Johnson, Terrell “I;m gonna kill myself” Owens, Tony Romo Simpson, and Pac-man Jones, the one man crime spree. Maybe they’ll win it all, maybe one of them will kill another during a timeout. Either way, it’d be one hell of a show. Jerry jones just might pull it off.

Draft time is upon us. The time of year when teams spend countless hours researching talent, and when the bengals pull names out of a hat. Now that all the Bengals have gotten arrested, they’ve decided it’s better to draft pussies, than be good at football. My guess is they draft a punter out of yale. Hopefully Darren McFadden can knock up one more chick before saturday, and he falls to cincy with the nine pick. It is my lucky number after all. With him we might actually get a running first down this year. If the bengals can trade Chad, we could get at least another 1st rd. pick, and use it on an O-lineman, or a receiver to replace our touchdown diva. The browns don’t get to draft this year, as they’ve traded them away. We’ll see how that works. My guess is the bengals get either Sedrick Ellis, or trade down, or take keith rivers, if they don’t take the punter from yale. Maybe they could trade to the reds for Adam Dunn. Not sure where he’d play, but it would help both squads. Since my Draft guru has taken the year off, my analysis is limited to the Ohio teams. Usually I take part in the Columbus local radio stations draft day. It takes place at a BW-3’s at 10 a.m. the friday before. Everyone gets to “apply” for a team, and I get the bengals. It was always fun eating hot wings and drinking draft beer at 10 a.m. on a friday, and guessing who your team would pick. The best part was when you order the beer, the radio guy says “So I take it your not going back to work after this” and I say “Oh I’m going back” Ahhh professionalism. So no radio draft, where I try to say “butthole” live on air this year folks. No lynch report, but the draft will go on. I may still get wings. Dylan should be ready for some solid food anyway.