One shining moment

No, not the Kansas Jayhawks. The Reds are finally on FSN OH HD!!!!!! Earlier in the day there was some speculation on me masturbating to FSN OH. I previously denied this rumor, but will now have to retract my denial. It’s pretty sweet. Speaking of sweet, tomorow marks the 8 year anniversary of ken Griffey Jr’s first Homer as a Red. Now I know what you’re thinking “he’s always been a red” at heart yes but, officially his first reds homer came on April 9th 2000. Why do I know this? Because that day was the 21st anniversary of my birth. It was the Day I shattered the male 165-200 lb. record for most shots of jagermeister consumed without death. It was also the night I got puked on by a lesbian for the first time. Oh magical memories. Earlier in the day, while still hours away from officially being 21 years old I had several beers bought for me at the reds game, by both friends, and strangers alike. A great day. So great in fact, I plan on getting puked on by another lesbian, and hopefully some weird dude in a cubs hat will buy me a beer tomorow.

Congrats to anyone who won any cash on the NCAA tourney last night. A great game, that I’m still tring to figure out how Memphis lost. You can take comraderie, and sportsmanship, I’ll take games worth betting on any day. The real highlight wasn’t the game itself, but the ‘One Shining Moment’ montage put on by CBS. They pimped that dumb assed clip all night long. At one point they told the victorious Jayhawks team to stick around so they could watch the ‘one Shining Moment’ clip. Yeah we just won the national title, woohoo, that’s what we want a gay assed video montage. Why celebrate with booze and envious coeds, when we can stand here and watch a video montage on the jumbo-tron. Congrats CBS on taking a shitty assed song, and making it even gayer. I don’t know what I hate more, the montage, or the clips for the Masters with the gay piano playing. Watching the masters is all well and good, but the piano ruins it all. It makes you feel like you’re either having brunch at the local elks lodge, or sitting in the waiting room at the urologists office.  Speaking of gay. Is Billy Packer not the biggest dick in the world? That dude hates everything. I’m sure he has to pay for sex, and then complains to the hooker about her performance. Way to go Jim Nance, for spewing out a plethora of cliche sports sayings, just before the buzzer went off. You made me forget bout my blind rage towards billy “butt” Packer.

Enough anger about the end of the College Gambling year. Moving on. In honor of my 29th B-Day, I’ve compiled a special treat for all of you. A tournament-o-champions version of ‘who would you rather bang?’ Composed solely of people born on April 9th. I’ve broken them down into 3 categories. So here we go.

In the ‘maybe if I’m drunk’ Categorie we have two sitcom stars who couldn’t be more different. Anyone remember Keshia Knight Pulliam a.k.a. Rudy Huxtable? well she grew up  http://www.starpulse.com/Actresses/Pulliam,_Keshia_Knight/gallery/SGS-025499/   she also developed a couple cosby kids of her own if you know what I mean. Her opponent Cynthia Nixon, made her bones as the uglier chick on Sex in the City (worst show ever). This red headed lesbo can’t be counted out, as she seems to at least be a little flexible. http://www.geocities.com/cynthianixon2/pictures.html Plus getting puked on by a lesbo is pretty awesome.

In the ‘A boy can Dream’ Category. We have the hotties. First off, the Model citizen. Paulina Porizkova, is from a country nobody cares about, but everyone wants to go to if the women look like this http://www.niftycelebrities.com/paulinaporizkova/01.jpg She did the whole Sports Illustrated/Playboy thing, an plus she has both a Z and a V in her last name so she must like hockey. Her Opponent, I’ve never heard of, but is about to be corronated into the 5 famous people I’m allowed to have sex with list. (sorry Queen Latifa, but I gotta make room). Rachel stevens Is a british singer, so she might have diseases fom intravenous drugs, but she makes up for it in looks http://www.celebwood.com/pics/r/rachel_stevens_0308/rachel_stevens_03.jpg This could be a bar burner.

In the ‘this would make a good drinkin story’ (for the ladies) category. We have some dudes

Jessie McCartney http://www.popstarsplus.com/music_jessemccartney.htm is likely gay ince his name is Jessie, and he looks like that. vs. Dennis Quaid A ladies favorite, who was once involved with Meg Ryan, until he realized she had no soul. He’s not affraid to shove a firearm down his pants to attract the ladies either http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/contributor/1800015473/photo/495760 vs Hugh Hefner who turns 104 this year. Hef may make you famous, but i’m pretty sure he has been kept alive for so long simply because he has the perfect combination of STD’s, much like Willard Scott http://www.imdb.com/media/rm4290288384/nm0005005

Take your time and think this one through, you can vote in all 3 categories.