I’m Baaaaack!

Forgive the delay, loyal blog readers. The last few days have been a bit of an adjustment period. Maybe it’s the anticipation of Opening Day, maybe it’s my body adjusting to only a couple hours of sleep at a time, either way, I’m back in action. However, I do have some bad news.

My nearly 29 year long streak of only wiping my own ass, is no more. In fact, it’s a distant memory. I think a great way for one to judge how well of a life they lived, when it comes time to reflect, is to add up how many different asses they wiped in their life. I’d have to set the bar at like 5 asses total. Anything more, and you might as well have lived your life as a Mormon. Figure 2.3 kids, as defined by the American dream, will need your assistance in that department. Obviously yourself would count as one, and then your spouse and one elderly parent. Just one though, this would give your parents incentive to try and out do each-other by buying you cool stuff, as you get older in life.  spoiling does not have to stop at puberty. One could always cut one of the above out, and save a roster spot for a hot celebrity, whom you may miraculously luck into being able to bang, because they are completely wasted, and may have had an accident. It’s your call. This guideline would pretty much eliminate anyone in the health care prefession, but hey, if they want to go to college for 4 plus years to wipe asses, that’s their call. Special thanks to all the health care professionals who brought my son into this world. Now go wash your hands.

Opening day, the holiest of days. A day when everyone at your office knows you blew off work to start drinking at 10:00 a.m. and will likely have to call in sick on tuesday. Nothing beats a 3rd inning phone call to someone less fortunate, with organ music in the background. The ole hot dog/beer per inning game looms on the horizon. As we speak, everyones team is in first place. By this time monday, half the teams will already be looking to scrap veterans. Opening day is a day when you can actually find hot chicks at a baseball game, and none of them are being payed hourly by A-Rod. I gotta say the Reds are looking good this year. I know I say it every year, but this is the year. So everyone crack open a $7.00 beer, throw on a hat, and lets play ball!