And the Oscar goes to…
March 4, 2008
Not fucking transformers. I’m still pissed. I was pretty surprised when I was reading through the paper sunday, and saw they were actually nominated for like four awards. I was all set to get up on a soap box and tell everyone how I called it. Too bad those hollywood bastards don’t know a good movie when they see one, as Transformers got no awards. The Bourne Ultimatum did win some awards I saw, so that makes ONE movie I’ve watched that won an award. Good movie too. What if we didn’t have all the pretentiousness around the awards and the criteria of which they are judged. What if movies that were actually entertaining, and awesome could win awards. What if a classic comedy could win. Imagine if the Best picture award for 1982 went to Tron. Or if porky’s had been nominated for best cinematography. Obviously Billy madison and Beerfest would have swept the awards in their respective years. There should also be a special award for best nude scene, or best rack in a mmusical. The possiblities are endless. You could pretty much bet on no longer having bitchy gay dudes commenting on all the dresses, at the cool awards ceremony. Over the years they did get some right. Braveheart, Gladiator, The Departed, and Unforgiven were great movies. But honestly, can anyone argue Daniel Day Lewis has more than one character in his career, the crippled dude from my left foot, and not the crippled dude from my left foot. As soon as he accepts a role, he pretty much has a nomination, and just mails it in from there. Another thing that pisses me off is the trend of handing out Oscars to hot chicks who made themselves ugly, i.e Charlize theron in Monster, and hillary Swank in Boys don’t cry. This needs to stop. As a country we are fat and ugly enough, lets not purposely lower the attractiveness of our films, and nation as a whole. It’s hollywood, we’re supposed to celebrate the hotness of these people. Let the less attractive people take these roles, and save our hot leading ladies for the gratuitous nude scenes in the cool movies, that would be elligible for an award under my new award system. I’m sure my loyal reader’s can think up some other great flix in need of an award, and some cool new awards as well. Lets hear it.Bengals note: apparently Darren McFadden didn’t get my email about the NFL combine. I was hoping he would run really slow, or show up high, but alas, he was there, healthy, and running really fast, eliminating the slight chance he could drop in the ranks and be drafted by my bengals. Oh well it would have been a shame to watch him blow out his knee in the preseason anyway. I’m sure Michigan has at least one or two worthless players we can nab. I like it better when the Bengals draft the complete misfits. Guys Like Tremain Mack, Chris henry, and Odell Thurman, are far more exciting than “character” guys who are never suspended, or in jail.
CTGOBUCKS 
16 Comments 
Reader Comments (16)
Daniel Day Lewis was better in Last of the Mohicans, which won an academy award for sound. Hawkeye was a great character, and who could forget the big ass battle ax throwing thingy that his adopted father Chingachgook carried around!! Who on Watkins Road did not want one of those? Instead we fought with apples, baseball bats and trash can lids.
Hawkeye versus Christy Brown……Hawkeye all the way. A cerebral palsy stricken irishman would not have survived the waterfall jump to escape from Magua when their gunpowder wall all soaked. Gotta give props to Christy though, he broke down a lot of barriers and accomplished more than most able bodied people ever will.
February 25, 2008 | joe jitsu
Hawkeye fills my dreams with delight, until I wake up in the morning and have to wash the stain of my shame off of my sheets.
February 25, 2008 | Brandon Green
Two biggest oscar snubs ever- Homer Simpson did not win best actor this year, i was picking him as my dark horse. Worst of all, Team America did not win in 2005 for best musical score for I’m so Ronery. How sweet would it have been for Kim Jong Il himself to show up at the awards to perform that song?
Can you believe Arnold Schwarzenegger never won an academy award? I thought he had something locked up in Conan for having no lines, or in Terminator for like three lines. Certainly he got snubbed in Commando when he said after slamming Benedict into a steam valve “Let off some steam Benedict.” Or for later classics such as Mr. Freeze in Batman and Robin, Kindergarten Cop, Predator, Twins, Total Recall, Terminator 2, Red Heat, or the hit holiday classic, Jingle all the Way!
February 26, 2008 | Disgruntled Reds Fan
Hawkeye fills my dreams as well. Best. Movie. Ever.
I completely agree with Chris that they just hand out Oscars to any woman willing to play a role with a prosthetic nose and crooked teeth and nappy hair. This needs to stop. However, I completely disagree that Daniel Day-Lewis plays the same character in every role. You could say that about 90% of actors but not DDL. You should watch My Beautiful Laundrette.
Is anyone else as nauseated as I am every time they show Halle Berry’s acceptance speech for Monster’s Ball? Don’t get me wrong, I like Halle, but let’s at least make an attempt to be humble, even if just for the cameras…
February 26, 2008 | Sarah
I can’t say I’m nauseated by her speach. Waiting and wishing for one of her boobs to pop out? maybe.
February 26, 2008 | CTGOBUCKS
Great post Chris. I agree although I did really enjoy Juno, but some of these past winners have been terrible. Like The English Patient… I would rather shove pipecleaners up my nose than watch that movie again.
Superbad was missed for an award also.
February 26, 2008 | Hannah
CT why don’t you make up our own award show and post it. What do you think you can come up with????
February 26, 2008 | Trentonio
I will at some point see No Country for Old men, There will be blood, and Juno. I can honestly say these may be the only “nominated” movies I have any plans on watching. Even with the new baby on the way, and the ensuing cabin fever, which will lead us to a Netflix account, I have npo plans on watching the rest of that crap. As for DDL, even with Last of the Mohicans, which I own on DVD he still just has the two characters. Different, hair, clothes etc. If you close your eyes and hear him say, “I’ve abondoned my boy”, it’s the same as “I will find you” from Mohicans and “This is a night for Americans” from Gangs of New York. He’s a great actor, but it’s all the same. He could very well be the best actor ever, so as soon as he takes a role he pretty much assures himself at the least a nomination. That award by all means should have gone to Optimus Prime, just to mix it up a bit. I’ll even admit If i was a young lady during the French and indian War, I’d totally do whatever hawkeye wanted me to do, but wouldn’t everyone?
February 26, 2008 | CTGOBUCKS
hannah I’ve been lucky enough to have never seen the English Patient, but can think of 3 T.V. shows making fun of it off the top of my head. Seinfeld, Family Guy, and Scrubs. I’m yet to meet someone who has approved of this film.
February 26, 2008 | CTGOBUCKS
For the record, I liked the english patient. I have a nomination for biggest comment posting douchebag……Scott the dick. Is that how they spell douche in Canada, or is it the CT way “deuche”? That sounds more gay and french (synonymous).
Another nomination for worst father of the year…….The Canadian Crippler Chris Benoit.
February 26, 2008 | joe jitsu
So by your estimation, DDL has never played more than one character in his career because he doesn’t use different voices? If that is the case, the black guy from Police Academy has the most range of any actor in history.
February 26, 2008 | Sarah
sorry, on the original blog I meant TWO charachters. crippled dude from my left foot, and all his other charachters. I know you used to be turned on by him, and now he looks like he has aids, but looks alone do not make the actor. All his charachters are abbraisive type A personalities. Dude from Police academy has mad range, and needs at least one oscar. All I’m saying is once you see DDL nominated, do you even need to watch to see who wins. Everything about him screams of the pompousness that this award ceremony entails. He sandbags for “an oscar worthy” role, even if this means he is out of work for 5 years. Originally I thought I liked DDL, thanks to this blog I have reconsidered, and am now referring to DDL as “vagina hat lewis”.
February 26, 2008 | CTGOBUCKS
Sarah you hit the nail right on the head with the black guy from police academy, have you seen him in those geico commercials? His career has skyrocketed since the police academy movies.
Joe thanks for stepping in on the Scott the Dick as douchebag of the year, and i’m sorry i accused you of being him, you and TJ just know how to piss me off real well, take it as a compliment. My guess is he hasnt been able to post lately since his bear of a girlfriend beat him up after she found out he cheated on her with a real bear.
February 26, 2008 | Disgruntled Reds Fan
were you referring to Hightower? He was Awesome. I found a link to Vagina Hat Lewis’ next film, in which he will surely garner another statue for this daring role. It’s supposed to be about a blind school teacher who lost his wife, and is raising his kids alone, while trying to overcome the demons from his childhood, brought on by an abusive alchohalic father, and a prostitute mother with aids. here is the link. http://www.meatspin.com
February 26, 2008 | CTGOBUCKS
One of the records I hold is for the most spins on Meatspin. Other than my gold medal in the special olympics, it is my greatest acheivement. I am not proud of either.
February 26, 2008 | joe jitsu
You know whats better than winning a gold medal at the special olympics? Not being the dude “spinning” on meat spin.com I wonder how many people that little link will alienate? Looks like it’s just me, Jitsu, and the disgruntled reds fan from here on out.
February 26, 2008 | CTGOBUCKS