It All Starts Here

Today, I am proud to say. Marked the first day position players reported to Reds spring training. Yes I know, I’ll give you a minute to catch your breathe. There. Nothing says spring like griffey sitting out position drills, and the fact that it only got up to 26 today. Hopefully the weather in the greater Tampa area is slightly higher than columbus OH. Can you imagine what kind of shape David weathers and Todd Coffey are in on the first day of camp? They should make a calendar. This is the time of year, when hope fills clubhouses all over florida, and Arizona. Could this be the year Adam Dunn finally hits below .200? Is it the year a position player finally shoots a reds reliever? The year I finally streak the field during a blowout? Only time will tell. This much is certain. The beers will be delicious, the skyline coneys plentifull, and the stadium nacho’s will still be the best in baseball. I have compiled a list of things I expect to see from the reds, and the rest of baseball in the upcoming season.1. Dusty Baker gets so mad at Thom Brenneman for his critical comments, they throw down live on FSN Ohio, following a close loss. The fight is a close one, until Thom is taken down by a Dusty tooth pick to the throat, and dusty starts strangling him with his wtristband. Lucky for Thom, his old man has his back, and Marty bashes baker’s skull in with Joe Nuxhall’s Bronze microphone. Ray Knight returns as manager, only to be fired after the Ray Knight, Nancy Lopez Sex tape is leaked on the internet.

2. Roger Clemens, and Barry Bonds travel from city to city looking for work. Sammy Sosa starts the tour with them, but quickly jumps ship, after the chicago White sox offer him a job selling Kosher Nationals, and dippin dots. Barry, and the rocket continue on until they finally land a spot on the Pirates Roster. After an all night Yeungling binge, they are both arrested for aggrevated buggery and sentenced to life by a Dutch Judge.

3. Adam Dunn will shatter his own strikeout record. but he will jack 42 homers, with only 86 RBI’s.

4. Homer Bailey will knock up at least two underage kentucky girls, causing him to flee to cuba.

5. Aaron Harang will have an ERA. under 3.4 and only nets 12 wins from the effort.

6. Todd Coffey will be traded to the Yankees at the trade deadline, and become the greatest closer in baseball history, filling in for an injured Mariano Rivera. 

7. Bronson Arroyo quits midseason to join the cast of American Idol.

8. Brandon Phillips can’t shake the memory of the chick he landed on when he tripped at the Lima mall. Phillips then Convinces said woman to leave her husband and run away with him, and join him on the reds west coast road trip, his batting average soars. Said Woman, we’ll call her “shelley” ends up being the new Rosey Red, only to then ditch Phillips after Danny Grave is recalled to the team. 

9. Gary Majewski will still be worthless.

10. Albert Pujols will suffer a minor stroke due to too many steroids, lose use of his left arm, but still hits .300 with 38 homers.

I’m sure at least 8 of these will come true. If not, that means the reds will win like 120 games or something. I’m also sure It’s gonna be a great year. I’ll hold off on predictions of who wins it all this year, as it’s still too early, and nobody cares. No matter how the reds fare, I’m sure my future son/daughter will sport plenty of reds gear all year round. This reminds me, there’s way more Bengals baby stuff, than there is Reds stuff. Why is this. Both teams are equally shitty. Also a special thanks to everyone who bought us baby stuff at sarah’s most recent shower. I was required to be there for the gift opening. Among the lesson’s I learned at my first baby shower. Lots of Gambling goes on. It’s kinda awkward as everyone watches one person open all the gifts. the others clearly don’t want to be there. dudes have no idea what most of the stuff is, and ham sliders are delicious, proving Pigs are the most succulent of all animals. Except for whichever one bacon comes from. Thanks though to everbody, we appreciate all the stuff, and I’ll eventually find out what it all is. I even practiced putting a diaper on a stuffed sheep.

Posted on Tuesday, February 19, 2008 at 09:52PM by CTGOBUCKS