Snow snow snow

Remember when we were kids and we would be delighted, when upon waking we saw that overnight the ground outside became covered in snow? Remember the first time you had to wake up early, mildly hung over, only to have to scrape a window with a Metallica CD Case, because it fucking snowed, and you still have to work? How much better, would life be in the midwest if we had snow days? For Adults? When did we go from bright eyed kids, listening to hear our schools name announced “canceled” on the Radio, to over bundled assholes, trying to decide between toughing out another day at the office, or crashing into an unsuspecting neighbor, just to get out of work? Today we woke up in Columbus OH with a moderate dusting of snow. Not enough to get out of school, but maybe a two hour delay. Has anyone stopped and thought that the reason we are all getting fat, prematurely bald, and addicted to retarded assed reality TV, is that we no longer get snow days? Why should non-taxpaying minors get to enjoy mother natures fury, and we still have to press on? I say we start a movement to get adult snow days. We could all go sledding, with or without clothes, and come inside to warm up to a nice irish coffee, followed by a round of 10:00 A.M. beers. We could build perverted snowmen, with giant schlongs, and pelt the underdeveloped neighbor kids with a finely packed ice ball, right in their big fat head. Maybe we wouldn’t have to listen to folks in the more fair weather cities talk about “how nice it is in january”. We could counter there banter with” I huffed VCR cleaner and made a face down nude snow angel today.” We’ve installed seat warmers in our cars, just for days like today, but instead of using them after building snow forts, we use them to go to Kroger. I used to pile in a car with friends, break several laws, cruise around town, sled, snow mobile, and just plain kill brain cells, and cheat death. Now I go to an office on snowy days. Think of how much more fun snow days would be now that we are all grown up. We have money, cars, and generally don’t need permission to do what we want. We could hire strippers to be cheerleaders for our snow football games, carry flasks in our winter coats, and ruin pants WE paid for. I know in the end I would end up drinking beer all afternoon, and playing video games while simultaneously watching my 8th loop of sportscenter, only to pass out around 7 and wake up the next morning hung over, and scraping my windows with another CD case. A boy can dream though. I do still appreciate the snow. I just wish we could utilize it in a more constructive manner, and enjoy life a little more. Instead we’ll keep watching the radar channel rooting for the storm to swing north and hit Cleveland. By the way. I watched the Pete Rose hits # 4192, and 4193 game on TV tonight. How awesome would that have been if I could have spent the day playing in the snow, and getting hammered, then watch the game, instead of going to the office. Oh well maybe next time. If anyone wants to blow off the next snow day, I’ll bust out the super NES and school somebody in Ken Griffey Jr. baseball.

Posted on Monday, January 14, 2008 at 10:29PM